For 3 days now Eric had to pick the trash back up. Every morning he found it scattered here and there. Now this was queersome he thought. Here, in the prime of Bedford NH, amongst $750k to $3 million houses with flawlessly manicured lawns and swimming pools. Some were so fat they even had their own golf courses on their property. There had been no vermin, no predators, not even common house cats managed to survive the horrendous traffic flow, all ended up dead, road pizza, destined for the Road Kill Cafe, or the local Chinese restaurant.
Being as Eric was an Engineer for a prestigous AeroSpace company he considered himself at least as smart as the average bear. And so he decided to set up a proximity alarm in the garage and catch the culprit red handed. He set the transmitter and reciever so there was no way anything could get near the trash without his knowing. The sensor was aside his bed at 2:12 that morning when it triggered. He shot out of bed, grabbed the Model 12 Winchester and a handful of 00 Buck.
As he headed for the garage he stuffed the magazine full, shucked one in the chamber, and replaced it with another in the tube. Some 20 yards from the garage he heard metal garbage cans flying around. Right then he decided he was not dealing with a coon or possum.
He slowly cracked the side door where the light switch was. The safety flicked off the pump, he threw the switch. Of a sudden he stood mere feet from a pair of Russians, now temporarily blinded by the lights. The Model 12 sang its song, again and again, until there was at last a low clink as the hammer fell on an empty chamber.
The neighborhood came alive. Lights were appearing in houses that had only been shadows in the darkness minutes prior. People ran to see what was going on. All the activity caused an inner alarm in the herd leader. He pulled a flanking manuver that would have made Patton a proud General, and it was so effective.
Candy did not bother to put anything on besides the sheer nightie she wore, her curiousity level higher than her modesty. Maybe it was because she was a woman, maybeso it was the sight of her in that nighty, but for whatever the reason, 7 pigs cornered her snapping their teeth, pawing the ground, eyes glowing red like lazers in the night. And then they left her.
Charlie, her slow to get up boyfriend was not so fortunate. The 7 were on him 3 feet from the dwelling he left. He never stood a chance, they were on him. Once down, the herd leader servered his juglar, then, ripped his head off and rolled it like a polo ball. Two other pigs opened his torso and began eating on his entrails.
By now, the garage was packed with horror struck people whos mouths hung wide as they looked upon the blood sprayed wall and floor. One hog laid dead, most of its head gone from multiple loads of buckshot at close range. A trail of blood towards the new hole in the side of the garage told of an even more dangerous hog now, one that was wounded.
Manchester's finest appeared. They looked, they took notes, they talked to witnesses. A citizen asked what the law was going to do about all this. The young Seargent snapped back, We'll investigate and let ya'll know.
Within 30 minutes HAPPY was contacted. Dang! Coug was doing his own little piggy brake dance now. They gone an infiltrated society, they're in the cities and suburbs now. Gonna be Hell to get em in there with all a them Hee Haws runnin around squealin and screamin.
GB, break camp, we gotta get in there with em, take em out one at a time. They won't be back here, they know I have to go in after em, they're countin on that.
Ya know GB, them pigs had Candy square. They coulda gutted her right there, but they didn't. Maybeso they got a weak spot. Got me a idea, I do.
You heard me right Capatain, we want to pay to have all these here "Bad Girls" released to our custody. Let's go gals. Ok, here's the plan. We gonna set up on the edge of town. There's a oak grove there that's well lighted with some high points so's the pigs can't get at the girls. They'll be able to see em, but they won't be able to get at em. HAPPY soldiers will establish a line of fire to take on the pigs while they gawk.
And they came, on cue, just as Coug had figgered they'd do. They lined up looking at some 15 or so scantily clad huggers, some wearin hardly nuthin a'tall. Looked like the boys on Friday night at the Blue Max said one of the HAPPY soldiers after the battle. Why do ya think they call em PIGS :wink:
Lead was flyin, pigs was diein, the girls were screaming. About what I dunno, they were safe enough. Maybeso all the excitement, perhaps the gun fire. Maybe the ear splitting sqealin of dead and diein pigs.
There were no clean kills. Some pigs took as many as 300, 400 rounds before going down. Others looked like the car from Bonnie & Clyde. Human screams came from the left sector. Harry hobbled by on one leg, half the other missing, most of his face bit off. His brother Festus was dead, kilt when 3 rooters caught him tryin to reload.
As fast as they came, they were gone. And behind them laid dead on both sides. The papers wrote it up as a victory for HAPPY, but the HAPPY Army was not so sure.
They're spreadin out said Coug. We managed to bait em in on this one, but I don't believe they'll fall for that trick again. We're gonna have to do likewise, split up and see if we can't take em out in small batches.
Bad news Coug said Dr Pignhoof. This strain has managed to propogate in 10 days! The herd that left Canada has grown 10 fold already, and that's not countin all we kilt.
Get holt of the President said Coug. I want everything they got in Berets and Seals. Call Rambo, call em all. Alert all the hunting boards, we're gonna need guns and manpower.
Three miles from the HAPPY camp the herd leader spoke with his growing Army. I want Coug, an I want the Bastard alive. He's countering our every move. Almost like he KNOWS what we're gonna do next. Yah but, sez one of the seasoned pigs, they got him protected pretty good with a bunch of guys from Graybeard Outdoors, an them suckers know how to shoot! True Son, but some of that crew is shootin small caliber guns. We gotta find out where that weakness is an exploit it.
So another chapter is written, the stage is set for yet another battle. Anybody wanna take a stab at it? :lol:
Coug
