Dale,
Mrs. Goldhound here. First, our prayers are with you and your family. We have walked in your agonizingly painful shoes.
Second, a note to your wife and other family members: Stay strong and be extremely patient. When you feel like giving up, realize that many, many people really do understand what life is like for you. Try to find someone to talk with.
Third, here are a few ideas for you:
-- In Alabama, where we live, Adult Vocational Rehabilitation can be a huge help. My husband had two lower back surgeries before we met, and AVR paid for the second. It also paid for glasses for him and sent him to technical school. The government would much rather assist you now to try to keep you able to earn a living than to have you on SS disability. If my husband had been rehabbed, AVR would have recouped $2 for every $1 it invested in him. (When we got married, he left the program -- and he regrets it. He could have gone to school to be a gunsmith, but he opted out. He's still kicking himself, and it's been 12 years.)
-- See if there is a pain management clinic in your area. There are a lot of shady operators out there, but keep looking. If you can find someone who can get your pain to the point of you being able to tolerate it, you can make better decisions.
-- Beware of "teaching hospitals." We went to a world-class surgeon at a teaching hospital. He built us up for about two months, then abruptly dropped us. My husband wasn't a candidate for the drug trial he was running, and he no longer had time for us -- and he told us this. He also tried to send us away without any meds. I assured him that he WOULD give my husband a month's supply of meds so that he could look for another doctor OR he could put up with the bad PR that would come as every local media outlet watched me be dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the hospital. He looked me dead in the eyes for about 30 seconds and realized I meant it and wrote the scrips.
-- Ask everyone you know to recommend a surgeon. You'll hear good and bad about them all, and it still will be a tough decision, but at least you'll be armed with a good mix of information.
-- See if you can find another radiologist to read your films and to translate them into English. At least you won't be trying to wade through all that medical jargon.
-- There is no shame in SS disability. People will doubt you; they'll question whether you should be "earning" your living. After I watched my husband crawl to the bathroom for a week because he could not stand up, I got over the notion that SS disability is a bad thing. And I'm quite happy to tell any smart alecks who would say otherwise that until they have listened to a grown man cry in agony, they should SHUT UP because they don't have a clue.
Finally, let us know if we can help. If you need someone to call in the middle of the night, my husband will listen. If you find yourself in Alabama, we can recommend a surgeon and a pain management clinic. But above all, don't wait too long. Permanent nerve damage is a bear you don't want to wrestle.
PM if you have questions or want our phone number.
All our best,
The Goldhounds
