Landscaper

[Brett]

I came into the house the other afternoon to fix myself a cold drink.  It was pretty warm that day, about 95* and humid.   I found my wife in the kitchen and decided to tell her that I thought we should fire our current landscaper and hire a new one.  "Do tell." she exclaimed, so I continued.  I pointed out that he often let the lawn go too long between cuttings and that he only weed whipped about every other time he mowed, if that.

I was a little surprised when she quickly added that he wasn't even worth what he had been getting paid.  But I seized the opportunity to inform her that he had been grumbling about his pay as well.  She then told me to inform the landscaper that if he wasn't careful she would cut out all his benefits as well.

Not quite knowing exactly what she meant, but seeing that I was getting nowhere in replacing the landscaper I decided to end the conversation.   Besides I needed to finish the last half acre before it got dark.

As I was scooting out the back door I heard her call after me; "We can talk about the maid, the laundress, and the cook when you take me out to Red Lobster for dinner tonight!"       

[burntmuch]

Im gonna fire my current landscaper as soon as my duaghters can handle the tractor

[45-70.gov]

round up is cheaper than a landscaper

[redboot612]

There is only two things for a yard - cement and roundup

[Questor]

Guys! Guys! We need a little lesson in the art of subtlety. That way the landscaper doesn't seem at fault, and at worst can claim ignorance:

1) When you cut the grass, do it early on the sunniest day possible so as to cause the most trauma to the grass.

2) Lower the blade as far as it will go so that it takes as long as possible for the grass to re-grow, and so that some of the grass is damaged, making it easier for cosmetically less desirable grasses to get established.  If you're not exposing some soil, the blade is not low enough!

3) It takes years, but after the cosmetically less desirable grasses are established, you will have to cut the lawn less frequently, but the yard will still look OK from the street, just a little browner.

4) Resist all temptation to mow more than once every two weeks during the peak of the spring grass growth spurt. Surely you can concoct a plausible excuse.

5) Diligence is a bad thing: avoid cutting entire areas of the lawn that don't seem too long. This becomes easier as 3 goes to work. Edging and detailing are your enemies because they are huge time wasters. Only detail the areas that are critical to the reasonably good appearance of your home.

6) Don't slack off too much. If the city sends somebody around to condemn your house as being unfit for human habitation, you're doing it wrong. Too much enthusiasm in the art of shirking can work against you.

[CannonKrazy]

Best all around solution is to put up a good fence and get about 3 goats. They will keep the grass down, the hedges trimmed and the flower beds clean. The only problem you will have now is listening to the wife raising hell.

[Brett]

Now the rest of the story. 

At dinner that evening at Red Lobster my lovely wife informs me that the maid, laundress, housekeeper and cook expected an all expense paid vacation to Florida this coming winter.       She said that the landscaper was welcome to go as well but had to pay his own way.