Merle,
Yes, the situations you named are indeed the stuff of nightmares. . .only they're true. Unfortunately, the Thompson I'm firing in my avatar picture is too heavy to carry around everywhere :-)
Nonetheless, I sleep easy because the odds are hugely in my favor. Kind of a civilian version of the "big sky, little bullet" concept that helps combat pilots stay sane. Odds are nobody invades my home; if they do, they're probably burglars seeking an easy score, not an armed confrontation. I don't have to go after them, just respond if they come in here with me. Odds are, the huge majority of them would run or surrender if confronted.
LEOs have to face these BGs on completely different terms, and that's a big reason I could feel comfortable with your .32 as a homeowner, but not as a cop. I'm sure there are instances of civilians facing these "bullet sponge" situations like you described, but I suspect the huge majority of them are LEO situations. Anyone have any stats on such things?
Important disclaimer: anyone who hangs around drugs, gangs, and skuzzy bars can expect large numbers of bad-news confrontations, to include enraged, drug- or alcohol-fueled bullet sponges who are really tough & really hostile, used to being shot & stabbed occasionally. I don't move in such circles, and frankly would never imagine that anyone could live such a lifestyle and even be concerned much about their own safety, much less expect such safety. Merle, you & your wife don't sound like you live that lifestyle, either! Any of those types who try to score off of you would be stunned to find themselves absorbing hot lead at terminal velocity, and probably would be rethinking their plans hastily as they faded to black:-)
I teach my wife & daughters to shoot by surprise and shoot decisively if they ever have to engage at all--fast & center mass. No empty gestures, no shooting "to wound." If that doesn't work with a .32 or .38, there's a good chance nothing else would suffice, either, as my loads are stout enough to reach CNS if it gets in the way of the bullet. Larger caliber slugs would offer greater likelihood of clipping something that our .38 or .32 might miss by a few hundredths of an inch, but not if my gals can't handle those weapons & therefore won't carry them or can't get decently accurate with them. If your wife can actually achieve an aggressive mindset about it--admittedly tough to do--she & that .32 will be a force to be reckoned with. Don't feel guilty!