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Author Topic: Time for a little humor!  (Read 624 times)

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Offline LONGTOM

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Time for a little humor!
« on: February 24, 2010, 04:58:43 PM »
I went down this morning to sign my dog Brandi up for welfare.  At first the lady said,  "Dogs are not eligible to receive welfare."
 
So I explained to her that my dog is: black, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and has no friggin' clue who her daddy is!
 
She looked in her policy manual to see what it takes to qualify.
 
Brandi gets her first check next Friday.
 



LONGTOM
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"THE TREE OF LIBERTY FROM TIME TO TIME MUST BE REFRESHED WITH THE BLOOD OF PATRIOTS AND TYRANTS".
THOMAS JEFFERSON

That my two young sons may never have to know the horrors of war. 

I will stand for your rights as my forefathers did before me!
My thanks to those who have, are and will stand for mine!
To those in the military, I salute you!

LONGTOM 9-25-07

Offline Questor

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2010, 05:06:16 PM »
Now that's funny!

How about this little one?:
Susie is in the second grade and is drawing a picture. She tells the teacher that she's drawing a picture of God. The teacher says "Now Susie, that's very nice, but nobody knows what God looks like." Susie said "They will in about ten minutes!"
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Offline LONGTOM

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2010, 05:24:13 PM »
Way to go Susie!
You get to move to the head of the class for that one, right after you come back from the principles office for that smart a#$ answer you just gave me.  >:(     :D ;D



LONGTOM 
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"THE TREE OF LIBERTY FROM TIME TO TIME MUST BE REFRESHED WITH THE BLOOD OF PATRIOTS AND TYRANTS".
THOMAS JEFFERSON

That my two young sons may never have to know the horrors of war. 

I will stand for your rights as my forefathers did before me!
My thanks to those who have, are and will stand for mine!
To those in the military, I salute you!

LONGTOM 9-25-07

Offline blind ear

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2010, 01:43:32 AM »
Susie is a very self assured woman, probably a Presidential Candidate Prospect. eddie
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“It is no coincidence that the century of total war coincided with the century of central banking.” – Ron Paul, End the Fed
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An economic crash like the one of the 1920s is the only thing that will get the US off of the road to Socialism that we are on and give our children a chance at a future with freedom and possibility of economic success.
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everyone hears but very few see. (I can't see either, I'm not on the corporate board making rules that sound exactly the opposite of what they mean, plus loopholes) ear
"I have seen the enemy and I think it's us." POGO
St Judes Childrens Research Hospital

Offline LONGTOM

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #4 on: February 25, 2010, 02:42:07 AM »
Quote
Susie is a very self assured woman, probably a Presidential Candidate Prospect


I wanted to say that but couldn't find the words to say it.  :P



LONGTOM
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"THE TREE OF LIBERTY FROM TIME TO TIME MUST BE REFRESHED WITH THE BLOOD OF PATRIOTS AND TYRANTS".
THOMAS JEFFERSON

That my two young sons may never have to know the horrors of war. 

I will stand for your rights as my forefathers did before me!
My thanks to those who have, are and will stand for mine!
To those in the military, I salute you!

LONGTOM 9-25-07

Offline slim rem 7

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #5 on: February 25, 2010, 01:54:00 PM »
susie for president.. we need somebody there thats in touch with god.. look what david did to goliath.. slim :)
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Offline mcwoodduck

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2010, 02:22:15 PM »
David and Mary go to a wedding and the preacher stared to talk about the wife and then got to the husband and said Men you should know the name and be able to describe your wifes favorite flower.
David nudged Mary and said "Gold Medal All Purpose Flour, Right?"
And that is when the wedding turned into a funeral for David's sex life.
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Offline nw_hunter

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #7 on: February 26, 2010, 05:03:26 AM »
50th Anniversary  ...
 
 A couple were celebrating 50 years together.  Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father.  "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad.  I  just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you." "It's nothing," said the father.  "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived.  "Hello and happy anniversary!  I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy  packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
 
After they had finished dessert, the father said,  "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.  You see, we were very poor.  Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.  Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father.  "And cheap ones too."
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Offline mcwoodduck

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Re: Time for a little humor!
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2010, 05:12:18 AM »
A farmer was out looking over his barn yard with one of his friends when the friend noticed a pig with two wooden legs.
He asked the farmer why does the Pig have two wooden legs.
The farmer replied "do you remember that we had a barn catch on fire two years ago?"  that was the Pig that ran into the house and woke me up so I could put the fire out.
Freind then asked was the Pig hurt in the fire?
No, that was the same pig that saved my son during the flood last year when timmy fell into the raging waters the Pig dove in, grabbed timmy and swam him to safety,
Friend OH but how did he hurt his two legs?
Farmer do you know that was the pig that rooted up the field and found 5 gold nuggets the size of Golf balls and brought them to me.
Friend "Yea I know but how did the pig get the two wooden legs?
Farmer "well a pig that valuable, you don't eat all at once."

That was my grandfathers favorite joke.
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