I had a very interesting conversation over dinner with my daughter last night.

[DalesCarpentry]

My daughter and I went out to dinner last night. It was the first time in over a month that I saw her due to the problems between her mother and I. She is a mature 15 year girl. She does very good in school and has a pretty good head on her shoulders for her age. I talk to my daughter as often asI can on the phone and her mother has not let us spend any alone time together in over a month. Every talk we have is with my soon to be ex wife listening in, in the back ground and making snide coments along the way. My daughter has to be carefull on what to say so she don't get her mother pissed off at her. Well last week I had told her that no matter what I was comming out there and we were going to dinner together and I was not going to take no for an answer from her mother. This whole week her mother insisted I was not taking her out to dinner. After work yesterday I headed the 65 miles to my old house to get my daughter. I texted her mother and told her I was on my way and what time I was going to be there. I told her to make sure Courtney was ready to walk out the door when I pulled into the driveway and I was not going to accept her not allowing her to go. Well my wife has bad mouthed me to my daughter for many years. To the point of brain washing that all of family problems are my fault and I am no good and so on and so forth. This is what my daughter told me last night at dinner. My daughter said she really missed me and wanted to spend some time with me and had been telling her mother that all week. I believe the only reason we got our alone time together last night was because we both insisted on it. I left my wife because all she would do is yell at me from the time I got home to the time I went to work every day day in and day out. I quit drinking almost a year ago and she has not. she drinks at least a 12 every night and I can tell you many time at 3:00 in the morning after her being good and drunk her waking me up to yell at me when I would have to get up to go to work in just a couple hours. She never gets out of bed herself before noon every day. Well last night Courtney tells me she understands why I left and now blames her mother for our break up. Courtney and her mother have always been very close and I was surprised to hear these words comming out of her mouth. She proceeded to tell me that since I left and she don't have me to yell at any longer that she yells at her all the time now and picks at her constantly. What she said next floored me. She said she is thinking of comming to live with me because she can't take the yelling any more. I have to leave to go to work now and will pick this up wher I left off latter today. Take care Dale

[Shu]

Sorry to hear about your break up.
My daughters are mt best friends.
It is difficult to live with an alcoholic. Nothing is their fualt, everything is always bad becuase of someone else. Yes, that is the alcohol talking. Unfortunately an after dinner drink turns into several. Unfortunately they don't realize what the alcohol does to them.

[BUGEYE]

There is nothing so precious to a Daddy, than his Daughter.
you're in our Prayers.

[Drilling Man]

  I think you should kidnap the wife/kid, and all drive over to see Dr. Phil.
 
  DM

[Sourdough]

In most states a child at the age of 15 gets to make the decission as to which parent they want to stay with.

Too many people try and stay together too long, and too much hatred builds.  Sometimes it's best to make a clean break and leave the area.  A new start is best for all concerned.

When my first wife decided she no longer wanted to be married, I was gone that night.  Two weeks later I had left Alaska.  I fought the divorce for another five months, but it did no good.  The month I told my Attourney to stop fighting it, I met a beautiful young woman.  We dated for a year, then got married.  The day after we were married, my first wife called wanting to try and make a reconcillation.(I did not know it at the time, but her father had kicked her out and taken our son away from her).  I told her, too late, and I don't feel I can trust her anymore.  My wife and I have now been married over 33 years. 

Funny thing is my wife and my first wife have become good friends.  When they get togeather, they have one thing in common to talk about.  ME!

[blind ear]

You are at a point now that you will see how strong YOUR convictons are. One day at a time. best of luck and strength to you. ear

[BBF]

My ex and I are divorced for 32 years now. In her case it is now two husbands after me, she still hates my guts.
 
She tried to use the kids as a tool against me, I didn't play that game, that ticked her off even more.
 
The present Missus and I have 30 years coming up at then end of Dec.

[BUGEYE]

My ex and I are divorced for 32 years now. In her case it is now two husbands after me, she still hates my guts.
 

 

I can understand that.

[DalesCarpentry]

Just as I sat down to open this thread I got a text from my daughter saying I love you daddy and miss you already. I texted her back saying those 4 little words really mean alot to me. I LOVE YOU DADDY! It almost makes me melt. My daughter also said to me last night that she thinks mom might have some mental problem and she don't think shes all there at times. I happen to agree with her because I have been kind of thinking the same thing over the last couple years. She has a real anger problem. Courtney also said she just can't understand her anger about me and other things. I have been gone for about 3 months maybe a little longer. Since that time she has quit 2 different jobs. The last one she quit Courtney and her got in a fight over because Courtney was upset she quit another job. She just got a third job yesterday and Courtney said I wonder how long she will keep this one. My mother will be dead 1 year next week on the 14th and taking care of my bed ridden mother was her full time job for almost 10 years. The thing is my wife just does not want to work and will find any excuse to quit. Take care Dale

[hillbill]

sounds like you got free of a bad situation dude!but the collateral damage is what is it does to your daughter.i hate to see you move far off and not get to see her much.for her at that age to express what she has to yu, you are very lucky!just hope the divorce goes well for yu.any woman that will run you down in front of your kid obviously  has no morals. ive been there and its a long hard road but you can do it! in 5 years yur ex will be in the gutter the way she is goin.do what you can to stay tight with your girl and explain to her why you have to work hard and what its for and what it gets you.too many kids now are raised to not even know what work means.

[victorcharlie]

Dale, I've been there buddy. 

First, don't let the young lady play both ends against the middle. 

Second, I waited many years to hear my grown daughters tell me how screwed up there mother was.  She's been married 7 times now, I'm on my last wife, married 27 years now.

I thought I'd find some joy when I heard it, but instead, all I found was hurt.  I found no pleasure in it.

A kid only has one mother and a mother is one who loves you when all others don't.  I really wanted my kids to admire there mother, although it isn't really possible.

Man the things I'd like to clue you in on.....would save you a lot of heart ache.