Personally I don't think the shorter barrels (4.6 from Ruger, or 4.75 from Colts/clones) recoil any worse than the hoglegs, might be everyone has different experiences too. I have always used 250 grain or heavier, my normal load for the 1873 replica's have been 8.x grains of Unique, this is probably not the place to list any loads so I had to use "X". The grips will make a difference, the thin grips that come on some models will feel much different than thicker grips, and people are making all kinds of grips now, thicker, flat bottom cut, thick at the top and thin towards the bottom, all these things will change the way it feels when it goes off. I like more meat on the grips and flat cut on the bottom myself than for example the thin ones that come on a USFA or Ruger Vaquero. Grips do make a big difference. I have never had a problem with recoil with grips I like. No experience with the birds head grips in .45 Colt...can't comment on that.