My wife and I go round and round on this issue. She is a Catholic, although I wouldn't say overly zealous, and I was raised in a Mormon houshold (My search for faith has since taken me to other places).
It is like a nightmare to me hearing about these things even having grown up in LA and knowing the evils of the world all too well. Having four children myself, it makes the hairs on the back of my neck spike just hearing of it! But it seems to me that no one ever tries to get at the root of this tragedy.
There is no conceivable excuse for this! I'm not trying to make any for these people but it is well known that these predators were often abused themselves. When a child has been physically wounded like this the psychological wounds are far more extensive. In many cases this person's entire world is warped for life and this condition is what gives rise to future predators.
How do you handle this? Do you keep a constant watch on the victims as well untill they become adults, being vigilant of predatory singns and tendencies? Its like victimizing the victim and unrealistic.
We want to be able to trust in people especially when pursuing our chosen faiths. As I said, my wife and I run round the table as I argue that the life style of priests and nuns is not a natural one. I cannot see myself ever taking marital or parental advice from one who has never sailed those waters. They are in a position of trust and that in itself gives rise to OPPORTUNITY.
Although these guys were probably twisted before they entered the priesthood, I feel that living under those conditions; never nurturing a relationship, or experiencing the pleasure of a woman, denying some of the vary things that makes us human. It can do "things" to ones psyche as it does to many career service members. (That may be a bad comparison although I knew some pretty twisted lifers when I was in the service and I was just a signature away from likely becoming a lifer myself).
The closest thing to a father that I had growing up was narcotics detective with the LASD, my best friends dad. From him, my buddy and I received our street education in what we refered to as "sleaze tours" that his dad would take us on in the
as@*#les of LA. He left nothing out and did not sugar coat the language.
This was done at the request of my mother after a classmate who sat directly across from me was sexually assaulted and murdered after being kidnapped from a local mall while selling fundraising candy BY HERSELF. I was 9 years old at the time. Jenny Kow. I still see her face in my mind to this day. At least they caught the SOB!
By the time I was 11 years old I knew about every ugly thing, in graphic detail, about what happens in the city and in Prisons. So when I entered a private all boys Catholic school at age 14, my radar was already up. That was only for one year (mom couldn't keep up the tuition and I was always a step away from expulsion). Good thing too! The staff certainly had some issues. But I won't go into that.
Many parents will argue that what my mentor did was excessive; that it tainted my innocence and that it gave rise to my less than spotless adolescence. Inspite of being raised moral and proper by my mother, I made my own decisions and did not walk the law abiding path for many years. And neither did my best friend. But I think it may have been that way regardless of his dads tainting (as some saw it) influence.
Military service focused my excessive negative energy and first hand showed me what all my moms "preaching" of honor and integrity was about (Some people just have to have it pounded into them with fire and an anvil, I guess). The birth of my oldest son brought me out of military mode and back down to Earth. Killing and fighting to me were an acceptable option only as an extreme last resort.
I digress, I feel that it was this man's dose of reality that kept me alive through the stupidity of my teens and because of that, I feel that one simply cannot keep their children in a bubble.
One has to appreciate the beauty and treasure that is within their children when they are wee little ones, say birth to around 8 or 9 and then start arming them with they ugly knowledge of life when they want to start asserting more independence. Do not let this time pass you by for the sake of making more money and a more comfortable lifestyle if you have what you need.
I know many of you gentlemen have children that are grown and out, but for those who are still fairly new to the "dad" thing, this whole writing is for you.
Keep your childrens minds away from that TV. Maintain absolute control of what they watch on it. This will make it easier for you to combat COMMERCIAL influence and teach them to think for themselves. Love them, praise them, everyday! As a man don't be afraid to teach them tenderness for it teaches empathy and they will pass this to others.
Predators are incapable of empathy and that is why they can do such horrible things to children. They are also extremely good actors/liars. Read up on Analytical Interviewing for Law Enforcement and try to pass this to your kids. Good tool for fine tuning ones BS and predator radar.
ARM THEM WITH KNOWLEDGE. Reality is an ugly thing but to those of you who cannot afford to sequester your families away in the heartlands, it is absolutely necessary that your children KNOW that monsters do exist and that it it takes observational skill and experience to be able to distinguish one from the crowd.
I apologize for hitchin a ride on your thread Powderman, but this subject always hits a certain spot with me.
Take Care!
