1. The records you need for your family history were in the courthouse that burned.
2. John, son of Thomas, the immigrant whom your relatives claim as immigrant ancestor, died on board ship at the age of 12.
3. The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated when the platform under him collapsed turned out to be a hanging.
4. Records show that the grandfather, whom the family boasted, "He read the Bible at four years and graduated from college at sixteen," was at the foot of his class.
5. Your grandmother's maiden name for which you've searched for years was on an old letter in a box in the attic all the time.
6. When at last you have solved the mystery of the skeleton in the closet, the tight-lipped spinster aunt claims, "I could have told you that all the time."
7. You never asked your father about his family because you weren't interested in genealogy while he was alive.
8. The family story your grandmother wrote for the family never got past the typist. She packed it away "somewhere" and promised to send you a copy but never did.
9. The relative who had all the family photographs gave them to her daughter who had no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.
10. A great-uncle changed his surname because he was teased in school. He moved away, left no address, and was never heard from again.
11. Brittle old newspapers containing the info you desired have fallen apart on the names and dates and places.
12. The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at the sheriff's sale for insolvency.
13. The portion of the index you need is continued in the next issue, only the publisher died prior to publication.
14. When you find the obituary for your grandmother the information is garbled. Her name is exchanged with her daughter's, the whereabouts of her sons is unknown, the date of her father's birth indicates he was younger than she was.
15. The only surname not found among the three billion in the Mormon Archives is yours.
16. The vital records director sends you a negative reply, having just been insulted by a creep calling himself a genealogist.
17. The 4-volume, 4,800-page history of the county where your great-grandfather lived is not indexed.
