WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We really don't care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.
The chicken is either with us or against us. There's no middle ground here.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I'm now against it!
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
COLIN POWELL: To the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTHA STEWART: If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I'd be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I'm a private person and shouldn't have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from Heaven, and he said unto the chicken: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you'll become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The "road," you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
COLONEL SANDERS: I thought I fried all those chickens! Did I miss one?
