Morons

[IntrepidWizard]

TOP 8 MORONS OF 2004


 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
 
 
 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please! come out and give yourself up."

 
 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

 4. THE GETAWAY!  A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

 5. DID I ! SAY THAT???   Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

 
 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???  A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart".  "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!  In Modesto, CA, Steven Rich! ard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun...  Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!  Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem.  No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going.  It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied.  After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.  A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.  The engine ! ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.  So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.  He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

[Nightrain52]

:eek:  :-D    :-D    :-D    

[jh45gun]

Wiz not sure about the other ones but I doubt if they are true if you got them at the same spot as the boat one has been around for a while in different forms. Unless every one around Lake Isabella is goofy?   The date on Snopes says 1999 and this was updated in 2000.

Origins:   We  dismissed this anecdote as yet another "blonde joke," but one of our readers claims he took part in a similar experience during his days as a designer for Bayliner. He reported that his incident took place at Lake Stevens in Washington State, and was relayed to him by the customer service team dispatched to help a man who had complained bitterly about the atrocious lack of performance of his new watercraft. The man had failed to take his boat off the trailer, but it was not necessary for a service person to go underwater to determine this: the license plate of the trailer was plainly visible under the surface.

Last updated:   19 May 2000

[williamlayton]

I know this is the wrong forum---but YOU brought up the blond.
Blond was in an outrage. Picked up her husbands gun and held it to her head.
Husband begs her not to shoot herself.
She replys " your next."
Blessings

[unspellable]

Local FBI agent tells the story of spending two weeks at the FBI headquarters in DC.  Seems everybody did their banking across the street.  So on payday a guy hands the teller a note saying, "This is a holdup!".  The teller askes him, "Say what?"  So he says out loud, "This is a holdup!".  The guy behind him in the line sticks a pistol in his ear and says, "This is the FBI!"  There were several agents in the bank, all known to the teller.

[george]

Morons are like little baby snakes... when you find one, you can be sure there are others close by

If you've ever had a day when you just seem to meet them all, well you'll know what I mean

[Dali Llama]

Morons are like little baby snakes... when you find one, you can be sure there are others close by

Dali Llama say that be somewhat analogous to ancient Tibetan saying that when it rain it pour. :grin:

[Leftoverdj]

 4. THE GETAWAY!  A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

That one is commoner than you might think, although three hours is extreme. And it ain't as dumb as it first appears. Easiest way to deal with a bunch of customers who arrive at a robbery in progress is just to wait on them.