This has been around a while; maybe you missed it.
>
>
> Humans existed as members of small bands of
> nomadic
> hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
> mountains during
> the summer &would go to the coast and live on
> fish and lobster
> in winter.
>
> The 2 most important events in all of history
> were the
> invention of beer and the invention of the
> wheel. The wheel was
> invented to get man to the beer. These were the
> foundation of
> modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the
> splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
> Liberals and
> Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered it required grain and
> that was the
> beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
> bottle nor aluminum
> can were invented yet, so while our early human
> ancestors were
> sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
> they just
> stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing
> animals to B-B-Q
> at night while they were drinking beer. This was
> the beginning
> of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
>
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
> hunting learned
> to live off the conservatives by showing up for
> the nightly
> B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair
> dressing. This
> was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some
> of these
> liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
> rest became
> known as "girliemen".
>
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication
> of cats, the invention of group therapy and
> group hugs and the
> concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide the meat
> and beer that conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years conservatives came to be
> symbolized by the
> largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
> elephant.
> Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
> added), but most
> prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
> They eat raw fish
> but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
> French food are
> standard liberal fare.
>
> Another interesting revolutionary side note
> about liberals:
> most of their women have higher testosterone
> levels than their
> men. Most social workers, personal injury
> attorneys,
> journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are
> liberals. Liberals invented the designated
> hitter rule because
> it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
> meat and still
> provide for their women. Conservatives are
> big-game hunters,
> rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
> workers, firemen,
> medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives,
> Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works
> productively.
> Conservatives who own companies hire other
> conservatives who
> want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
> "govern" the
> producers and decide what to do with the
> production. Liberals
> believe Europeans are more enlightened than
> Americans. That is
> why most of the liberals remained in Europe when
> conservatives
> were coming to America. They crept in after the
> Wild West was
> tame and! created a business of trying to get
> MORE for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history :
>
> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a
> momentary urge to
> respond to the above before simply laughing and
> forwarding it.
> A Conservative will be so convinced of the
> absolute truth of
> this history that it will be forwarded
> immediately.
>
>
>
>
>
