Author Topic: HOW IT CAME ABOUT  (Read 245 times)

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Offline IntrepidWizard

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HOW IT CAME ABOUT
« on: February 03, 2006, 09:10:02 AM »
This has been around a while; maybe you missed it.
>
>
>      Humans existed as members of small bands of
> nomadic
>      hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
> mountains during
>      the summer &would go to the coast and live on
> fish and lobster
>      in winter.
>
>      The 2 most important events in all of history
> were the
>      invention of beer and the invention of the
> wheel. The wheel was
>      invented to get man to the beer. These were the
> foundation of
>      modern civilization and together were the
> catalyst for the
>      splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
> Liberals and
>      Conservatives.
>
>      Once beer was discovered it required grain and
> that was the
>      beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
> bottle nor aluminum
>      can were invented yet, so while our early human
> ancestors were
>      sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
> they just
>      stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
> were formed.
>
>      Some men spent their days tracking and killing
> animals to B-B-Q
>      at night while they were drinking beer. This was
> the beginning
>      of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
>
>
>      Other men who were weaker and less skilled at
> hunting learned
>      to live off the conservatives by showing up for
> the nightly
>      B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair
> dressing. This
>      was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some
> of these
>      liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
> rest became
>      known as "girliemen".
>
>      Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
> domestication
>      of cats, the invention of group therapy and
> group hugs and the
>      concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
> divide the meat
>      and beer that conservatives provided.
>
>      Over the years conservatives came to be
> symbolized by the
>      largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
> elephant.
>      Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
>
>      Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
> added), but most
>      prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
> They eat raw fish
>      but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
> French food are
>      standard liberal fare.
>
>      Another interesting revolutionary side note
> about liberals:
>      most of their women have higher testosterone
> levels than their
>      men. Most social workers, personal injury
> attorneys,
>      journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are
>      liberals. Liberals invented the designated
> hitter rule because
>      it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>
>      Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red
> meat and still
>      provide for their women. Conservatives are
> big-game hunters,
>      rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
> workers, firemen,
>      medical doctors, police officers, corporate
> executives,
>      Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works
> productively.
>      Conservatives who own companies hire other
> conservatives who
>      want to work for a living.
>
>      Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
> "govern" the
>      producers and decide what to do with the
> production. Liberals
>      believe Europeans are more enlightened than
> Americans. That is
>      why most of the liberals remained in Europe when
> conservatives
>      were coming to America. They crept in after the
> Wild West was
>      tame and! created a business of trying to get
> MORE for nothing.
>
>      Here ends today's lesson in world history :
>
>      It should be noted that a Liberal may have a
> momentary urge to
>      respond to the above before simply laughing and
> forwarding it.
>      A Conservative will be so convinced of the
> absolute truth of
>      this history that it will be forwarded
> immediately.
>
>
>
>
>
Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like fire, it is
a dangerous servant and a fearful master. -- George Washington