Humans originally exited as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer, and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct groups.
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither glass bottles or aluminum cans were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting around for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how vilages were formed. Some men spent thier days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This iswhat is known as what is known as the Conservative movment.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up at the nightley BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of the liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen.
Some noteworthy liberal achievments include the domestication of cats, the invention of group tharapy, group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide on how to divide the beer and meat that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservative came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on eath, the elephant. Liberals are sybolized by the Jacka$$.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but moist prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their steaks well done. Sushi, tofu ans French food ar standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: their women have higher testosterone levels than thier men. Most social workers, personel injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers inHollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invenred the desinated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for thier women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, coorporate executives,contruction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,atheletes, soldiers and generall anyone who works productivly.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals beleave Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the wild west was tamed and created a buisiness of trying to get more fore nothing.
Here ends todays history lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have an urge to respond agrily to the above. A conservative will simply laugh and be convinced of the absolute truth of this history.
