You Can't Fix Stupid.>> These people prove it is a terminal condition.>> As always, competition this year has been keen.>> The candidates this year were...>>>> Ninth Place>> In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of>> water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate>> to retrieve his car keys.>>>> Eighth Place>> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he>> ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.>>>> Seventh Place>> Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug>> into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel>> Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, for protection from the wind, and>> had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom on Thursday afternoon>> when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the>> beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to>> claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not>> reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an>> hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.>> Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.>>>> Sixth Place>> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell>> face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burgling.>> Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth>> (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the> floor.>>>> Fifth Place>> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won>> a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with>> four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.>>>> Fourth Place>> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington,>> DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a>> previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:>> His target was H&J Leather &Firearms; A gun shop specializing in >> handguns.>> The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.>> To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police>> patrol car parked at the front door.>> A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before> work.>> Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and>> fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.>> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer>> with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by>> several customers who also drew their guns and fired.>> The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics.>> Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the >> shop.>> The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.>> Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.>> No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.>>>> Third Place>> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his>> wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew>> up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit>> the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see wh at would>> happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.>>>> Second Place>> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them>> said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows>> Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated>> and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the br idge at 4:30 AM.>> Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no>> one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,>> volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by.>> One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other>> end was tied to the bridge.>> His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot>> off at the ankle.>> He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was>> rescued by two nearby fishermen.>> "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me>> on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's>> foot was never located.>>>> The Winner...>> Overzealous zoo-keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed>> his constipated elephant, Stefan , 22 doses of animal laxative and>> more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up>> pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200>> pounds of poop!>> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the>> ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded>> on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation>> knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a>> rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his>> bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik> Dern.>> With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an> hour>> before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.>> It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves..." Stuff> happens.">
