Whats Your best/funniest hunting quote or anecdote?

[Holdengr]

Whats Your best/funniest hunting quote or anecdote?
I want to get a list of real good ones going.

Well, lets hear'em

[jhm]

yes its sighted in one shot one hole!!   JIM

[Rick Teal]

Ole Fred:  "I went rabbit hunting one day, and only saw one rabbit, and it was running straight away from me so I plugged it right in the *ss hole."

The Preacher:  " Err - I think you mean "rectum"."

Ole Fred:  "You're d*mned right it wrecked him - it blew him all to h*ll."

[Daveinthebush]

I use to carry a set of antlers for rattling bucks. Funny how a rub line got started "right" along the trail that my brother set his tree stand near. It was a really big buck too! Even made a scrape within bow range. I don't know if I have ever told him. But I had much of the woods to myself that year!

[deerhunter]

You don't have to run faster than the bear.

You just have to run faster than the guy your hunting with.

-an OLD bear hunter.

[GearedForNature]

Not really a anecdote, but,
 When I was 16 (long ago) went deer hunting with my buddy patrick.  We were in a tree stand in the early hours, and had hung the compond bow on a hook by our feet, and had begun to make some hot chocolate on our portably stove....we were so interested in the hot chocolate, we didn't hear the buck walk up within 15 YARDS of us... well, by the time we got the cups down, and the bow up, our friendly buck had run off...
I still give patty a hard time about it.
Anyhow, Glad to be a part of the forums here. check out my store, and email with your opinions or ?s...
Mike
http://www.GearedForNature.com

[Crayfish]

One of my all-time favorites.....  we were hunting in a heavily hunted area and everybody around had doe permits (back when Vt did that during rifle season).  There were about 3 carloads of guys from Massechusetts there.   My Dad met us back at the truck for lunch and didn't like seeing all of these people in "our" area, so as he's approaching us I asked him, "See anything?".  His response was "Nope, but I got off a couple of good 'sound' shots.  Don't think I hit anything, though".  It wasn't 5minutes later and those 3 carloads of Mass guys were packed up and driving off looking for new hunting territory!!!  We about split a gut were all laughing so hard!!

Favorite saying, "Whack 'em and Stack 'em" (usually used during bow season .... not that there's usually anything to stack!)

... Crayfish

[Bluenose]

Something I've heard a little too often over the past few years while standing next to the empty hanging rack:  "That's why it's called huntin and not killin".

[Flatlander.54]

I have a cousin who wanted to get into deer hunting. He asked me what kind of cover scent to use and i told him skunk scent was good just dont put it on anything you wear other than to hunt in so, off to Wally World he went. About a week later he called me and I could tell he was pretty shaken up...when i asked what was wrong, he said he had just been run up a tree by a big buck while walking to his stand. He proceeded to give me hell for telling him to use skunk scent since evidently bucks hated the smell of a skunk...and my advice almost got him gored by that big buck.
"My God I didnt think he would EVER leave the base of that damned tree!" he said..."All the time raisin his head and sniffin at me, tearin stuff up all around the tree!"
 At this point I asked him..."Are you SURE it was skunk scent you used and not something else?" "Hell yes it was skunk scent!" he said. "and by the way it damn sure didnt smell like skunk scent to me!" I asked him where the scent bottle was and he said it was in his pocket of his hunting coat. When I told him to go get it, he came back on the phone and said......"Well dammit I didnt realise I got the two bottles switched around! Now my boots are covered in Tinks Buck Piss!!!!"      :-D    

[Hud]

Marcia, my  wife was on a drive around a swamp when I shot nice buck from my stand.  When she walked up to the deer she placed the muzzle of her rifle barrel against its eye, as I had taught her. She excitedly pronounced it "Dead".  

I replied "I hope so, I've already gutted it out!"

[hntngirl]

If huntin' was easy it would be called shoppin'. :-)

[Dezertyote]

My old hunting buddy and I were working const. in Phx. in the early 80s and spending weekends calling predators. We'd come in on mondays and during break time we all would shoot the bull. There was one fella that you could just tell had no idea what so ever about hunting... We were talking about calling in coyotes, and he kinda looked at us bewildered and ask how in the world do you call them in.  Without cracking a smile my buddy said, well we use Eddy Rabbitt and John Couger tapes to call them in. This guy says hmmmm that makes sence... And we left it at that... :lol:

[tommyboy84]

My favorit saying is... I almost heard one.

[Zachary]

If huntin' was easy it would be called shoppin'. :-)

I don't know about that...I think that most of us men find shoppin to be one of the hardest things to do.

Zachary

[gunpilot]

do you know why when geese fly in a v one side of the v is always longer than the other? - that's because there are more geese on that side. (few people know that)

[Hook]

A friend of mine took his wife hunting for the first time this past season. He explained as much as he could to her about what she could shoot (they were in an area where doe could be legally harvested) and how to go about shooting it. He urged her to take any deer that presented an opportunity.

After an hour or so on his stand, he heard a shot from the direction of his wife's shooting house. After a couple of minutes, his wife came on the two way radio he had given to her babbling incoherently about shooting a deer. After finally calming her down, he asked what she had shot. Her excited reply was "I got a doe, and she even has horns!!!".

[Skipper]

My buddy and I applied for quota hunts like normal, and we got drawn for our 3rd choice.  West Kentucky WMA.  Now, us being from Williamsburg, didn't have a foggy about West Kentucky.  We found out 3 days before it was a slug hunt, not a rifle hunt, and had to round up some slug barrels for our shot guns.  

Well, we left the house about 11 on the day before, and before we got out there, a weather system blew in.  Snow, sleet, hail, if it froze, we got it.  By the time we got there, it was midnight.  Well, we awoke the next morning to 8 degrees, 6 inches of snow and a 40 mph wind.  It was cold to say the least.  We went to the check in place about 5:30 where we discovered you had to take the deer hunting ACT test before going in the woods.  In actuality, it was just a simple 40 question form that you had to fill out and darken in the circles.  By the time we got checked in and had the area system explained, it had been day light for a half hour.  

Now West Kentucky is divided into something like 18 holes.  In this year, holes 1 through 6 were open and 12 through 18 or so.  Others were closed.  We decided to start on the river end on the area.  Well, when we turned off the road and started up the gravel lane, 200 deer ran in front of behind, around and over our truck.  They were hammer down bound for an out of bounds farm.  Before we could get parked and get out of this herd of deer, all 200 had safely made it to the out of bounds marker thus stopping the game clock.  They stayed there for several hours.  We know, we watched them.  

About 11 am, we decided to move to another area closer to the river.  When we got to the river, there were 10 pickups parked in a little wad.  We decided there were too many people here already hunting and intended to back out and look for something else.  Just as we were turning around, a 8 pointer ran between our truck and another parked truck with a guy in it who was warming up by the heater.  Well, we stopped, and started formulating a plan.  I was going to sneak down past the out of bounds area without a gun and see if I could get infront of the deer and drive it back the other way so my buddy would get a shot at it.  As I started to get out of the truck, the guy who was running his heater backed up to the door of our truck, spooled his window down and asked, "Hey, Yous Guys seen any Deers?"  I said none, other than the 8 pointer that ran between our 2 trucks.  He said, Oh, that was a doe.  Well, whatever, we could still see it standing in the clearing.

I got out and tried sneaking down past this deer and circling back.  It didn't work, naturally.  Anyway, I came on back to the truck.  My buddy, me and the heater guy were talking just a bit when a spike ran right up to us, almost over us, bowed up and stopped, then jumped into the Ohio River.

Heater guy ran to his truck, retrieved his gun and went down to the river and fired off 5 shots at a deer that was less than 30 feet from him.  He missed, all 5 times.  My buddy and I were by this time ducking behind the fenders.  Heater guy came up to us and asked, "Yous guys got any more Shells?"  I, not really thinking he would take a box of shells from us popped off and said, "Yes, if you think you need them, they are on the seat."  Well, he reloads all 5 shells and heads back down to the river bank.  The deer is swimming back and forth about 20 feet from the bank trying to figure out where to come out.  By this time, the occupants of the other 8 trucks showed up.  These guys lined the bank like a bunch of kids fishing at the city pond.  My buddy and I were leaned up against the bumper not knowing what to think except that we were afraid someone was going to get shot.

Well, the deer decided that the first goober would be the best target to come out in front of.  3 more shots were fired from goober's gun, and the deer was still coming.  I told my buddy, we can't let that deer come up here, this bunch will all be shooting, and we will be caught in the cross fire.  Finally, I raised my gun and shot the deer before it could climb up on the bank.  

Goober came running over to us, "Will Yous Guys help me load the deer in my truck?"  We just shook our head, climbed in the cab and drove off.  That is the last quota hunt I have ever wanted to go on.

Skipper

[THE#1hunter]

Q:What do you do when your out hunting, and while your out their your taking a crap and you see a bear?








A:You run with a bare behind :lol:

[Robert]

Second season Elk hunt, I went up when it was still dark to the ridge I had been scouting.  Really bad weather, Colubia Gorge can get brutal winds.  I had to keep holding on to my hat in the clearings.  Top of the ridge was like walking on corn flakes, and alternating horizontal sleet and rain.  Didnt see anything, and after the sun came out, I decided I had had enough, made a bee-line for my truck, thinking about a hot bath and a nap.  I got down to my rig and drove most of the way out and realized, I was the only guy that had braved the weather up there, I had expected to see about a dozen other rigs parked. So I decided to give it another try and check out the heavy brush where the Elk would bed down out of the wind.  Started following what looked like a faint trail, and where I couldnt see the trail, just followed the most likely holes through the brush where I would go if I had a big rack on my head.  I had been putting off taking a pee for about 15 minutes, camo pants, army surplus buttoned woolies, and long johns.  Finally got it all undone, and as soon as I started to pee, up jumps a big 5 point about 20 yds to my left and runs right in front of me.  My rifle was slung on my shoulder, grabbed quick and looked for the Elk, but I had a cap on the muzzle end of the scope to keep the rain off, and it was all fogged up. Yanked it off, took a few steps forward for a better shot and got my hat and hair snagged in a branch. Finally saw the Elks butt in my scope, but I thought he was going to come out broadside on the other side of a bush.  Never saw another gimpse of him, just crashing sounds through the trees.  And there I stood with my weiner hanging out, I had squirt all over my pants and my boots, and wondering why I hadn't shot him in his butt at 20 yds with my 30-06.  It would surely have dropped him at that close range.  I finally did get a nice 4x5 on the last morning of my hunt, and was able to pull my rig right up to it, didnt even have to do any packing.

[briarpatch]

Husband:   Now honey, I know I told you, this being your first hunt to get in the stand and dont move. Why do you ask?
Wife: Because you were moving around in your stand.
Husband: How do you know?
Wife: I watched you through the scope!