Corn-Fed Venison - A Story for Deer Hunters...

[jmichna]

 

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer-- no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.

[myronman3]

pretty funny if true. 

[Moss88hunter]

I'm sure that that wasn't the first time that someone has come up with a "great" idea similar to that. I did get a pretty good laugh out of it though.

Evan

[Land_Owner]

myronman...

I remember when it was initially posted here.  I don't remember the discussion that followed.  It was funny then and it is funny now.

IMHO there is no question for me that the story is true.  Humorous and humbling though it is, it couldn't be fiction.  There just isn't that much "fun" in fiction.  The truth is always stranger and funnier. 

Some cowboy tried to lasso a deer, pretty good sized doe I suspect, and got whupped for the effort.  Then he posted it up as only the truth can be told, from a humorous "Don't try this at home" sort of way, and the rest is, as they say, History. 

There is enough truth in it to convince me it is genuine.  Just my $0.02.

No doubt about it though. we all agree...that right there is funny.

[deerjackie]

 will the deer be to  at pbr in vegas for you to try to ride?

[Castaway]

On a similar note, a few years ago a buddy told me a deer had pawed up his chest.  My obvious answer to him was B.S.  He lifted his shirt and clearly there were 5 paw mark shaped bruises.  Seems he had retired back to the truck for the morning and was taking a nap in the warm Alabama sun.  He heard something and opened his eyes to see a deer, nose down staring at him.  He reflexed, threw up his hand it got stuck in the collar of this tame deer just like an unlukcy bull rider.  The harder he tugged, the more the deer thrashed.  He finally got free and the deer backed off 20 feet or so and just looked at him.

[oldandslow]

I read this the first time it was posted but it was still hilarious this time. I used to work with a guy that swore he roped an antelope from horseback. He said after he got his rope back and all the dust had settled and he had stopped the bleeding that he decided he wouldn't care if he never saw another antelope I think he really did after listening to his description of the free for all.

[hillbill]

lol funny story but could be true if you want your a## kicked, just try invading the space of a true wild animal. wild animals only have 2 responses to danger, flight or fight. eliminate flight by a rope around its neck, what do you get? ive seen my dad try to rope yotes and deer ahorseback, i always thought it was a good thing we never could catch them.mostly cause i would of had to take the rope off while he held the dally! lol

[hillbill]

oh and as a side note to any young cowboys out there. if you rope and dally on anything you a minute later determine is a huge risk to your health, just let the rope go, ropes are much cheaper than medical insurance deductibles.

[rbergum95]

i would say this is probably true. i witnessed a similar proceeding a few years ago with a doe and it was eerily similar.

[Mikey]

The only time I have ever seen a whitetail willing, or not resist, having a rope around its neck was when they were caught on the ice and had gone down on splayed legs.  We got one off the ice at a nearby small lake once - a small doe, probably the last years fawn.  We were afraid we would have to put her down if she had split her pelvis but she had just splayed out, had exhausted herself and gotten too cold to move.  We were going to use the rope to drag her off the ice but I think that may have injured her more.  We even had the rope around her neck but decided against using it.  I think she thought this was probably the end of things with humans closing in on her and she was submissive.  She couldn't gain her own feet, so we lifted her and carried her off the ice to the snow on the bank and just let her settle back on down in a more normal position, and backed away.  After a while she got to her feet, shaky but up, and walked off.  I do not thinkk this would have been a normal response from a whitetail if she hadn't been helpless on the ice.  Mikey.

[squirrellluck]

                 got to bring this back its just too funny

[Travis Morgan]

oh and as a side note to any young cowboys out there. if you rope and dally on anything you a minute later determine is a huge risk to your health, just let the rope go, ropes are much cheaper than medical insurance deductibles.

Anyone that ties hard and fast has rocks in their head.

[Oldshooter]

Ok I'm getting off the air now! that was a good one and nothing could be better, its a good time to go to bed!