Author Topic: Kids leaving home (Read 633 times)

Questor · « **on:** August 11, 2009, 03:45:59 AM »

My will be leaving home in a few years. Sometimes I'm happy about that. Sometimes I just want to stop the clock and keep things this way forever. I already miss them.

magooch · « **Reply #1 on:** August 11, 2009, 05:50:01 AM »

My friend, count yourself lucky if they leave only once. It's the round-trips that wear you down. My wife told our fledglings on their third move-back that that was it--three strikes and you're out. I almost had a panic attack, thinking, oh no, now they'll never leave. Well, they did leave (what a relief) and she stood by what she said, but there's still one of them that would move back instantly if it were allowed. In the end, though, it was me who had to insist that the law be enforced. The maturnal instinct works against resolve.

Keep in mind that you don't do your offspring any favor by allowing them to stick around after a reasonable time. The definition of reasonable is variable, but not to exceed the very early twenties. The late teens are even better.

Heavy C · « **Reply #2 on:** August 11, 2009, 06:23:54 AM »

My daughter graduates from high school in 2 years. I have already let her know that my expectation is for her to leave our home, go to college, and make a life for herself. There will be no staying at home. She confessed that she had a good set up at home and was genuinely reluctant to leave. It hurts for sure, but in the long run I know it is best for her.

When I meet with customers to work on their financial planning they are often frustrated about a 20-something still hanging around the house. They ask for advice. I simply tell them to quit being an enabler; in other words cut them off. If mommy and daddy are always there for you; then you'll never learn to fend for yourself. When mommy and daddy need your help you won't be able to help because you always depended upon them.

Questor · « **Reply #3 on:** August 11, 2009, 06:54:08 AM »

The milestones for my kids are:
1) Graduate high school
2) Work all summer
3) Go to college in the fall
4) Visit on holidays and vacations if they want to
5) During any visits after they leave for college, and they will be treated as a guest.
6) Living at home after high school is not an option.

BBF · « **Reply #4 on:** August 11, 2009, 08:31:06 AM »

That subject reminds me of a guy I worked with who went home every day after work hoping that his daughter had enloped.................she was fourteen.

Oldshooter · « **Reply #5 on:** August 11, 2009, 10:14:49 AM »

Quote from: Questor on August 11, 2009, 03:45:59 AM

My will be leaving home in a few years. Sometimes I'm happy about that. Sometimes I just want to stop the clock and keep things this way forever. I already miss them.

Pardner they multiply then come back! Enjoy the interim!

williamlayton · « **Reply #6 on:** August 11, 2009, 01:19:39 PM »

Both of mine have left and come back twice apiece.
Not without our permission and they did it for good reason.
My daughter came back and lived at home while she worked and went to grad school.
Then she moved back to save money for her wedding.
My son went off too school, got married and moved back when he and his wife wanted too save money too buy a home.
It worked for us but they had good reasons.
Blessings

slim rem 7 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 11, 2009, 01:52:08 PM »

our kids are welcome but the rules of home are different...
this aint no boarding house with private entrances..
they are expected to contribute to home base just as we do..
thier attitude may not spoil the harmony in our home..this said sometimes they need help..
thats the value of good strong family ties... we look after each other..
at least karry an i do... none have wanted to come here to live... they know i stand behind her an she me.. if that changed all covenants are broken anyway..
that vow says cherish ,honor ,put no other above,,not justcleve to them only..
you do that as kids are growing up in a home,,i think they have better instruction by example as to how to be married... they even learn how to voice differences ,,without it being the end of the world..jmo slim

LONGTOM · « **Reply #8 on:** August 11, 2009, 04:26:57 PM »

I guess I am a minority here on this one.
I am a very family oriented guy.
I hate the thought of seeing family split up and move away.
My two boys will be welcome back any time.
The oldest is a senior and wants to attend MIT after school.
He has been in the advanced classes since the first grade.
Last year and this year he is attending a pre college half a day and high school the other half.
When he graduates next year he will have 33 credits transferable to any college.
That amounts to a full years worth of regular college.
He scored 34 out of 36 on his pre college tests.

The youngest has also been in the advanced classes since first grade.
He is in the eighth grade this year.

I don't expect them to live off us but I would gladly take them in to be able to help guide them along their way.

Nothing wrong with finding their own way but in the world we live in today that could be the down fall of many young lives.
It is so easy to head down the wrong path when you are on your own.
It's a lot easier when you have someone who has been there to help guide you.
I know that this is not for everyone but I feel it would work for our family.
I am 51 and don't want to miss a single day of life without my family.
Life is to short to let any time between family members slip away!
Maybe it's just me not wanting to let go, I don't know.

LONGTOM

Oldshooter · « **Reply #9 on:** August 11, 2009, 04:37:18 PM »

Longtom I think you misunderstand. I love my children all 7 of them and am glad to see them when they come by and when they come home by choice or necessity. Its just a fact that they do and some times they multiply first. it aint that "we" dont love them and want to be with them its just a fact of life that they do come back! good uns, bad uns, smart uns, and dumb uns! and they are welcome when they do!

LONGTOM · « **Reply #10 on:** August 11, 2009, 05:06:37 PM »

Sorry guys!
Didn't mean to imply that anyone here didn't love or care about their kids.

I have heard from people that I have talked to around my home town that say they can't wait for the kids to leave and be on their own.
The worst part is some of them really meant it.
I say they shouldn't have had them if that is the way they feel!

LONGTOM

BBF · « **Reply #11 on:** August 12, 2009, 05:54:15 AM »

Longtom: Those feeling usually don't come until you after you had them

slim rem 7 · « **Reply #12 on:** August 12, 2009, 09:06:06 AM »

long tom i totally respect an appreciate your feeling...
but people are just sometimes genetically different...
4 of ours went pretty smooth .. one not smooth at all ...
shes a little different and is more like my mom was than any of the others...
she got a full dose of irish... now you combine that with willingness to do anything for acceptance,,an it can be problems.... the other girls came to look up to her because she wasn t afraid of anybody...she found acceptance with the rough crowd naturally...
i had a sheriff tell me when she was 16 or something,,, that i couldn t stop her from running off with a cute guy with the traveling fair..said he would arrest me if i tried...
we just laugh about it now as her own daughters is 12... she shudders everytime we talk about it.... but katie was like my own daughter ,,for years... nothin i won t do to make her world better,,
except go against her mama..she knows better than to ask for that,or better...
shes got it all in my opinion ,,she speaks her piece ,always has... all A s in school an someday she is gonna make some fella a very lucky man... plus some very lucky children as she don t do anything half way..
so i get paid in spades for the grey hair her mother put in my head. this i pray... :)slim

Questor · « **Reply #13 on:** August 12, 2009, 09:43:51 AM »

WilliamLayton:

That sounds like a horror story to me. My kids are definitely not welcome back just because they want to save money for a house or get married. I wouldn't even want them living in the same neighborhood after they graduate high school.

Dee · « **Reply #14 on:** August 12, 2009, 03:17:10 PM »

Quote from: Questor on August 11, 2009, 03:45:59 AM

My will be leaving home in a few years. Sometimes I'm happy about that. Sometimes I just want to stop the clock and keep things this way forever. I already miss them.

How could you? They haven't left yet! You need to cut back on the whiskey and use more coke, or you gonna have yourself cryin.

I personally thought mine would NEVER LEAVE! The little beggars hung around for 18 damn years expecting me to feed them, clothe them, and pay for their doctor bill the whole time. You'd a thought it was my duty the way they clung to me and the wife.
Now their the one' being taken advantage of. Their kids are treatin them the same way they treated me. Serves'em right for takin advantage of ME!

Questor · « **Reply #15 on:** August 12, 2009, 03:36:58 PM »

Dee:

I can certainly understand that sentiment. I don't happen to share it (most of the time), but I can certainly understand it.

Dee · « **Reply #16 on:** August 12, 2009, 04:26:58 PM »

It's far worse than anyone could imagine. Did you know those little crumb snatchers actually expected me to feed them on a REGULAR basis. It was like they expected it of me.
Then when they got older, they wanted MONEY! Never mind that they weren't old enough to work yet. They wanted me to give them MINE! Good grief! I could just go on, and on. I get aggravated every time I think about.
Oh yea! One more thing. When they bring those little moochers of THEIRS over for a visit? They want me to feed them to.

And my wife expects me to be nice to these little mice too, and give them stuff just like I did their parents. It never ends.
When I die, they'll probably want my guns too. I was gonna take those with me, but ooooooh noooo. While I'm layin there in my box, and not payin attention they'll probably sneak'em off to their own gun safes and I'll go to the here after completely unarmed.

Oldshooter · « **Reply #17 on:** August 12, 2009, 05:19:43 PM »

ungrateful little buggers

Rustyinfla · « **Reply #18 on:** August 12, 2009, 06:20:47 PM »

I know a guy who paid for his daughter's wedding like most dad's do. About three months after the wedding he was working in the flower beds out in front of the house when daughter comes driving up and pulls her suitcase out of the car. He stands up and says what are you doing? Daughter says I'm coming home, we just had a fight. He looks her over and says , sorry but this isn't your home any more. Your home is over there with your husband, I suggest you go work things out. The daughter slowly put the suitcase back in the car and left. Now she HAD to work things out. A few weeks later she thanked her dad. I guess father knows best.

Dee · « **Reply #19 on:** August 15, 2009, 02:31:45 AM »

My cousin did that. She was a know it all little wench, that had never been anywhere, or done anything, and was bossy as the cow.
Married a college boy and moved to A&M while he finished his last year. Lasted two weeks, and came home crying. Daddy sent her right back to her husband. That was almost twenty years ago. Now they have three kids, live back in HER home town, and she bosses the whole damn family. She still has never really been any where or done anything, but is firmly in charge of the caose in her family.

blind ear · « **Reply #20 on:** August 15, 2009, 04:11:26 AM »

LongTom,
All of my kids have always worked and still do. I would have us all live in a commune if it would keep us together. X's and all. Grandkids, dogs, cats, birds, fleas, doesn't matter, just see them every day, course I would certainly have a man cave secreted somewhere. eddie

Sourdough · « **Reply #21 on:** August 15, 2009, 02:45:46 PM »

When I graduated from high school I could not wait to leave home. Never looked back. My brother Jimmy did the same thing. My brother David followed as well. Then came Darrell, I'll go into Darrell in more detail. Then came Rob (Lionhunter), same thing he left and never looked back.

Darrell stayed home till he was in his late 20s. Mom and Dad put him through school to be a mortition, far more than they did for the rest of us. When asked when he was going to leave the nest, he said "Why, Mom cooks all my meals and does my laundry. All I have to do is bring in groceries to keep her happy". Dad finally changed the locks and refused to give him a key, forcing him to move out. Two weeks later he was married. Mom says it is Dad's fault he married that woman, Mom never liked her. They recently got divorced and Darrell moved back in with Mom and Dad. That lasted two weeks and Mom kicked him out.

My oldest Kirk, is happy living in California, and would never consider moving back into my house. My youngest Sky (Skyman) lives at home, wants to move into the dorm at UAF, but that is financially out of the question. He can buy an awful lot of gasoline for what the dorm would cost him. And we don't live that far from the school. He is wanting to get out of our house, and get his own place as soon as he can. When he finishes school, and goes to work, he will be gone I am sure.

To be honest I too am looking forward to the day his bedroom reverts back to my Den. The way it used to be for the 13 years before he came along. His car will be out of my driveway. His guns out of the vaults. His playroom/storage room will once again become my reloading room/mancave. And it will be quite around here again.

My buddy Ed, had his two boys each leave and get married. Both got divorced and moved back in with Ed and his wife. Those boys have been married and divorced two more times each, and are living back at home again. Both are in their 40s, and Ed is not happy. His wife won't let him put them on the street like he should. They change jobs like you change your shirts, so they are often unemployed. That's OK since Mom makes Dad support them. I recently told Ed time to put her on the street as well.

I'm the big stud around this place, I run everything here. My boys were brought up to be the same way. Once they leave they will never again want to live under my rules, so I have no fear of them coming back here to live, ever.