Dear Gene R, Just be glad that your wife will take a handgun and shoot it. I spent 27 years in Law Enforcement in the San Francisco Bay area. Oakland, California to be exact. I spent 6 months studying and testing different ammo for the 9mm and 357 Magnums. Neither are user friendly to the ladies due to fire and recoil. I have seen people shot with every caliber known to man and I have had to shoot in defense as well.
My Opinion is: If a person will arm themselves with the Lowly 22 Rimfire, they will not be outgunned if they can shoot it well. I have preached for years that a 22 up your nose will certainly discourage any ill intentions of the bad guy.
A 22 revolver or semi-auto in the hands of a person that is not afraid to shoot, is a nasty and deadly weapon. I have a buddy that was shot 10 times with a Ruger 22 auto. He was leaking blood from 10 holes and losing his life very nearly before he could be patched up.
Teach your wife to shoot whatever she wants and feels comfortable with. Don't impose your opinion of the "Ideal handgun" on her. In the first place, there is no such thing as the ideal handgun. None of them will knock a person down or blow them out a 3 story windows with the fire and brimstone that you see in the Movies.
A real story is belly to belly with an armed drug addict high on Methamphetamine. Your left hand is holding his wrist with a gun in his hand. Your right hand holds your 45 Long Colt revolver and you fire 6 shots point blank into his chest and he doesn't move, flinch or fall. Parts of your body suck air and you wonder "What am I going to do now?" You hang on until he bleeds to death from 3 shots in the heart and all 250 grains slugs opened up to 3/4". I have more stories, but I won't bore you with them.
Run a test with your own body. Jerk a hair out of your nose by the roots and then see if you can see for the next 10 minutes. You are blinded by the pain and tears and snot. Now, figure a 22 rimfire up your nose with follow up shots to the cheeks and heart. There is no recoil to deal with and rapid shots can fill that culprit with holes faster than he can plug them.
Don't know about you, but I would be running away from that woman.
Harold Clark
PS: My wife can out shoot 99% of the men. Her favorite is a model 66 - 3" in 357 Magnum and second is a Colt 1911 Gold Cup 45 ACP. I started her out with a 22 rim fire revolver.