I agree with Bill. Based on your post, your experience is limited to revolvers and near null with a auto. Yet your going to base your safety on this? Steer clear of a auto, until you can run one "automatically". In other words, as second nature with out thinking on what to do if...
IMHO, more importantly than .40 vs .45 is Rev vs. Semi auto vs. Shotgun.
Again, IMHO, your best choice is a shotgun, and then in an action your familiar with. My own suggestion is a Rem 870 or Mossberg 500/835. But if a Dbl is more you that's a better bet. Last choice would be a semi.
Second choice is a med frame revolver, caliber far less important than your ability to make it work and keep it in action. Flatly stated, revolvers work. In the event of a misfire, pull the trigger again. There is no worries about miss feeds. Moving parts don't normally get snagged on loose clothing as a slide can.
Caliber wise, choose something 38 Spl up to 44 Spl. Magnums are not required, but the 357 is manageable. The 41 and 44 while excellent calibers in there own rite, offer too much recoil and muzzle blast. I would also steer clear of the semi auto calibers in revolvers as the loading of them is more difficult. Let that read slower.
THEN, what ever you end up with SHOOT, SHOOT, SHOOT IT!!!
CW