That sounds a bit drastic, but that is the attitude I have developed over the last 15 years, with this batch of new officers. None of them were born and raised up here in Alaska. They don't understand our easygoing and simplistic attitudes up here. The city of North Pole, population of 2,200 people, have three patrolmen on duty 24/7.
Last evening the wife decided she needed to go to the grocery store, and asked me to drive her there. When we went to leave, Sky had blocked both her RX-8 and my MX-5 in with his car. So we decided to drive his car, even though I hate driving his car. Sky drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse GT, built for short people. I have to lay the seat back to get under the low top. Then it's got over 350HP, and it's almost impossible to start without spinning the tires. I'm always mentioning the divots in the street in front of the drive, where he starts forward after backing out of the drive. Well, I left more than divots in the gravel. I left two craters. Chirped the tires when I pulled onto the paved road at the entrance to our subdivision. When I made the right hand turn from one street to another, I snatched second gear like I do in my MX-5, and hit the gas. Tires squalled like mad, darn. The old woman that lives in the first house, grabbed her phone to report another speeder on her road. The wife started laughing, saying the North Pole Police are being alerted, and will be on the lookout for you boy. I just looked at her, and said Yea, right.
I took Mistletoe down past Santa Clause House, and picked up a North Pole Patrol Car as I passed Santa Clause House. The one driving the Ford Expedition. He followed me into the traffic circle, at Santa Clause Lane. The wife started laughing saying he is following you. Keep going around the circle and see what he does. Sure enough he followed me around the circle three times before breaking off going South on Santa Clause Lane. I broke off North. Wife noticed the car was below half a tank, so since we were going past the gas station, she insisted I stop to fill up the tank. I went through the other two traffic circles, and to Sourdough Fuel. (No relation to me, that's just the name of the fuel company).
Leaving the gas station, I had to go through the only traffic light in North Pole. When the light turned green, trying not to chirp the tires I stalled the engine. I restarted the car and stalled it a second time. The guy in the pick-up behind me set down on the horn, I got a little stressed, the wife was making comments, and laughing because I can not drive the kids car. I restarted the car, hit the gas, dumped the clutch, and left rubber across the intersection. Tires squealing and smoking all the way. As I approached the traffic circle again I picked up another North Pole Cop. This one driving the Dodge Charger, and the wife started laughing again. He followed me through the traffic circle, down the street and into the second one. As I was making the second circle he turned on his lights. I exited the circle and pulled into Safeways parking lot. As the officer approached the car I handed him my License and Concealed Carry Permit, as required by Alaska Law. I informed him I was not carrying. He then mentioned the squealing tires back at the traffic light. Wife is making comments, about me thinking I was a teenager again, and laughing out loud. I told the officer I had stalled the car, so when I restarted it I kind of got on it a little too heavy. He informed me I was setting a bad example for the teens in town, and that I should take a driving course to learn how to drive with a clutch. This really set the wife off, guess the officer felt I was getting enough from her, he tossed my license back in my lap and left, saying nothing. As the officer turned to leave, she started really harrasing me over my needing to learn to drive.
I pulled through the parking lot, to the front of the store. I pulled into the usual Handicapped spot, hung my handicapped plackard on the mirror, and went into the store. The whole time we were in the store the wife kept laughing and saying North Pole Police had my number and was looking for me. As we were exiting the store the third North Pole Police officer on duty pulled up behind the car. This guy was driving a Ford Car. He stopped and got out of his car, looking the Eclipse over real good. He walked completely around the car, taking special notice of the Carbon Fiber spoiler on the back, and the Carbon Fiber Hood. He got down on his knees and looked at the huge exhaust coming out the rear, seeing it went all the way up to the front, not just an oversize exhaust tip. I walked up opening the rear hatch, the officer stood up asking if it was my car. The wife started laughing uncontrollably again.
The officer asked if that was my car. I said yes, (for insurance purposes it is registered in my name). He asked if I knew I was parked in a Handicapped parking space. I said yes, I put my placard on the mirror as required. He just stood there looking at me. I asked, what's wrong, can't a handicapped person drive a high performance vehicle? He looked at me and said, from what I understand you don't drive it too well. The wife screamed, she fell against the car laughing. I had the urge to choke both of them. Then he said, Yea, your the guy that drives that little two seat convertible. The officer turned and got into his car and drove away. Wife called Sky, asked him to meet us at the restaurant across the parking lot from Safeway for dinner. that way he could drive his car home before I got stopped by the North Pole Police again.
I threatened Sky. Let's just say, I threatened future generations if he ever blocked my car in again.
