Big change for a friend: death of wife

[Conan The Librarian]

My friend's wife died after a long and very complicated illness, about a 20 year process. Now she's gone and his routines are going to change a lot because he spent most of his time taking care of her.
 
Have you seen anyone go through this, and what's the best thing I can do to help?
 
Thanks!

[blind ear]

Like Kimper45 says, help him through the daily grind with a laugh if possible. Time is the only thing that will heal. The older we get the better we get at keeping on keeping on. None of us are getting out of here alive (We might as well laugh about it.)  ear

[guzzijohn]

I lost my first wife when she was 45 after nearly 23 years of marriage. For me what helped a lot was staying distracted. Encourage him to get involved with activities outside of the house. Also just continuing support and communication. The first week or two after the death everyone wants to be helpful, brings food, etc. than it just pretty much stops. I also had friends go through all my wife's clothing and take them to donation centers, it would have been hard on me to do that. Also understand that you can be adjusting well then a song, a smell, a sight, a place triggers a memory and you fall back apart for a bit. Much healing can take place in about six months, but nearly eleven years later I can still tear up expectedly at times. Hope this helps some.
GuzziJohn

[blind ear]

I lost my first wife when she was 45 after nearly 23 years of marriage. For me what helped a lot was staying distracted. Encourage him to get involved with activities outside of the house. Also just continuing support and communication. The first week or two after the death everyone wants to be helpful, brings food, etc. than it just pretty much stops. I also had friends go through all my wife's clothing and take them to donation centers, it would have been hard on me to do that. Also understand that you can be adjusting well then a song, a smell, a sight, a place triggers a memory and you fall back apart for a bit. Much healing can take place in about six months, but nearly eleven years later I can still tear up expectedly at times. Hope this helps some.
GuzziJohn

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guzzijohn, absolutely, ear

[Old Fart]

I have two friends who both lost thier husbands recently.
For both of them getting out with friends and going on with life has helped.
Try and keep you buddy active.

[magooch]

If your friend is capable of physical activity, there is no better medicine.  It doesn't have to be strenuous, just active and preferably outdoors.  Does he shoot?

[bobg]

    I think guzzijohn about said it all. I lost my wife of 28 years 6 years ago after her being a complete vegetable for 13 month. You find out in a hurry who your real friends are. Try to keep the guy as active as you can and out around other people. To me those 2 things are very important. I didn't do that and i am paying for it now. I am very sorry for the mans loss.

[Conan The Librarian]

Thanks. I appreciate the good information and will be using it. I already passed GuzziJohn's post on to him.


No, he doesn't shoot. He's a confirmed urbanite and doesn't like guns or the outdoors much. He's got his own hobbies. But he's a great guy and deserves a good life. He's very social, so I think he'll be fine after reading this.


I, on the other hand, am in a heap of trouble if my wife dies before me. I'm practically a recluse, with few social activities. But my hobbies and the outdoors keep me engaged.

[williamlayton]

I think, for a person who is not very social, I would suggest day trips in a car--going on short trips may get him out and away from the house. It may also be a way to get him back into life and finding new hobbies.
I love just getting out for a day and driving the back roads--putting Houston in my rearview mirrow and I come home with a better attitude.
Blessings