Don't get old...

[Victor3]

...unless you can afford it.


 My 85 year old Mom has had dementia for ~2 years now. First year we (my 2 Sisters and I) took over her finances and put some things in place that allowed her live alone in her home safely. It progressed to the point where we had to hire a nurse to come in for 10 hrs/day 5 days a week, and I've been covering the remaining two days for the past year.


 On Friday, Mom's nurse called me saying that Mom had lost consciousness and they were in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. That's where I've been for the past two days. Mom's okay now but will be in the hospital until Monday for tests and observation. Doctors strongly recommend round the clock nursing care from now on, and we're setting that up so she can stay in her own home rather than go into a convalescent hospital.


 Mom has no private insurance to cover long-term convalescent care, which will now cost ~$100K/year. If we weren't in a position to pay for it she'd probably have to go into a county facility (and believe me, you don't want your Parent(s) to have to live/die in one).


 Word to the wise - To be cost-effective, such a policy has to be in place before a certain age and there is generally a five year waiting period after you purchase it before one can obtain benefits. I'm looking into a policy for my Wife and I now. There's nobody in our family who's prepared to take care of us if/when the time comes.

[yellowtail3]

Hard info. Hang in there.


I do want to get old, but would like to pass on without being a major burden. No easy answers here to the problem you've brought up.

[mechanic]

They can help us live longer..but sometimes it's not living better.  I went through this with both my mother and mother in law.  Mama lived three years after onset, mother in law almost 12.
 
Hang tough my friend, it's probably the most trying experience most of us will face.
 
Ben

[Conan The Librarian]

I fully empathize. This is tough. We look back on the care we've given ot our old ones and we can feel good about having no regrets because we did the best we could. Sometimes its hard to to the right thing, but you get used to it.

[Old Fart]

That's a tough place to be in. I'll keep a good thought for you.

[powderman]

VICTOR. Prayer sent friend. Charlie. 

[ChungDoQuan]

Sorry to hear about your mom. I don't mind the though of getting old--- it's what that last 20-30 years is going to be like that worries me a little. Unfortunately, we live in a society that measures life in terms of how long you're still breathing, ignoring things like mental acuity or physical capability. For me, I have enjoyed life as a human being. If something happens that means I cannot live and function fully as a human being, then that life is over, and "it is a good day to die." I hope they take good care of your mother. Keep your eye on 'em, whoever they are.

[Oldshooter]

I'll say a prayer for all of you.  My folks saw their parents linger and got the longterm insurance to pay their expenses in case...... then both died rather quickly when the time came. Family thought it was a waste of money. I'm glad they did not linger and suffer.  Its times like this that we understand the reason for the Fifth Commandment.

[Victor3]

 Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers; they do help.


 Mom has told us what she wants (to stay at home until she passes) and what she doesn't want (to live as a vegetable). Her DNR form is clear that no heroic measures should be taken to revive her if she's clearly on the way out or has to be hooked to machines indefinitely.


 We're just thankful that every time we ask her, she's says she's not in any pain. She knows her mind is going but she's really not all that concerned about it. Can't ask for much better under the circumstances.


 At a previous health scare a few years back I jokingly asked Mom how long she was planning on hanging around to be with us. She replied, "Vic, I see the old people down at the senior center and it doesn't look all that interesting to me. You kids are on your own now so my job is done."


 Sure hope I can have her attitude near the end of my time. 

[nw_hunter]

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers; they do help.


 Mom has told us what she wants (to stay at home until she passes) and what she doesn't want (to live as a vegetable). Her DNR form is clear that no heroic measures should be taken to revive her if she's clearly on the way out or has to be hooked to machines indefinitely.


 We're just thankful that every time we ask her, she's says she's not in any pain. She knows her mind is going but she's really not all that concerned about it. Can't ask for much better under the circumstances.


 At a previous health scare a few years back I jokingly asked Mom how long she was planning on hanging around to be with us. She replied, "Vic, I see the old people down at the senior center and it doesn't look all that interesting to me. You kids are on your own now so my job is done."


 Sure hope I can have her attitude near the end of my time. 

I would bet you will. Keep the faith! It sounds like you have a wonderful Mother, and she has loving children.

[BBF]

As much as certain things irritate me in Canada, that sort of financial strain is not something likely to happen up here. I'm aware the facilities for folks like your Mom are not up to Hilton Hotel standards.
S imilar as CDQ wrote: That day is a good day to Die and I would not wait past the day I had the choice as of when and how.