Updated list.."you may be a redneck when"..

[ironglows]

  The brand new editions of you know you're a redneck when:
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized, because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood, and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation, because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

[Doublebass73]

"22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."

One of my neighbors has achieved this goal. He owns the fireworks stand in town. He makes a killing off of the tourists from communist states like Mass, NY & NJ who aren't allowed to buy fireworks where they live. Our neighborhood has the best fireworks displays in town. He'll think nothing of touching off pro grade fireworks at 11:00 PM on a Saturday night. I never complain because I'll think nothing of shooting a fox hovering around my chicken coop at midnight with my 12 gauge. Another neighbor shoots IDPA matches so he'll think nothing of testing out new reloads late at night. Gunfire and fireworks are commonplace where I live.

[ironglows]

  I can see the fireworks enthusiasm, among folks around here, even though I don't share the same enthusiasm.  NY is a quite restricted state for fireworks.  Real displays must be accompanied by a licensed? fireworks operator.

  We have a couple, a young man & his family, down at the lake, who put on a display for every holiday that allows for same.  From my house, I have a more or less, ringside seat...but i don't care..

     There are actually 3 young men & families involved, I taught them in Sunday School..  They have an active used car dealership, gas stations etc., so I suppose  they consider it "good will advertising" !..But they are Christian & patriotic, so they may be doing it as  being a good neighbor.

  Somehow, after rifles, hand guns, machine guns (30 & 50), mortars, RPGs, hand grenades, primer cord, artillery, hand grenades, my tank gunnery etc...I just don't get a charge from fireworks.  Now, I know there are vets who have experienced far more than I have, and still enjoy fireworks..but I am just bored by them..

[Doublebass73]

I don't like to be near fireworks close up anymore due to my own hearing damage. I prefer to watch at a distance.

[BUGEYE]

Off topic, but, the best fireworks I've seen was those at Niagara Falls from the deck of the Hornblower, kinda in Ironglow's neighborhood.

[ironglows]

Actually, not my 'neighborhood'...at least 60 miles from my home..  

   You said your visit to the falls was not all that great.  Unfortunately, the Canadian side is nicer..more scenic, etc.
  You mentioned the possibility of street gangs in the falls..nah, no problem..the mafia runs the falls..  At least, that is the skinny around here..
  I get up to the Niagara Falls.. the city upon occasion, for some kind of business, but it must be 60 years since I expressly visited to view the falls .  Just not my thing..
  I do hope you visited Historic Fort Niagara, which is a few miles north of the city, where the Niagara River flows into Lake Ontario.  It is a beautiful old fort, established long before there was a city..in the early 1700s.  The old French castle is still there and complete along with much of the original..and the rest reconstructed.  It played a great part in the French & Indian & Revolutionary wars, and the war of 1812.

  https://www.google.com/search?q=old+fort+niagara..travelogues&sxsrf=ALeKk02GjaDdKgQ40f3HZHrCJsbU1puBKw:1611592471975&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=izWflbimIReMEM%252ClFUpwmhXJXrxuM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kSzUKQUf184opVVLoenSwKu-pxtWQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi518HmwbfuAhXkFVkFHeiICqYQ9QF6BAgVEAE#imgrc=izWflbimIReMEM

[BUGEYE]

Actually, not my 'neighborhood'...at least 60 miles from my home..  

   You said your visit to the falls was not all that great.  Unfortunately, the Canadian side is nicer..more scenic, etc.
  You mentioned the possibility of street gangs in the falls..nah, no problem..the mafia runs the falls..  At least, that is the skinny around here..
  I get up to the Niagara Falls.. the city upon occasion, for some kind of business, but it must be 60 years since I expressly visited to view the falls .  Just not my thing..
  I do hope you visited Historic Fort Niagara, which is a few miles north of the city, where the Niagara River flows into Lake Ontario.  It is a beautiful old fort, established long before there was a city..in the early 1700s.  The old French castle is still there and complete along with much of the original..and the rest reconstructed.  It played a great part in the French & Indian & Revolutionary wars, and the war of 1812.

  https://www.google.com/search?q=old+fort+niagara..travelogues&sxsrf=ALeKk02GjaDdKgQ40f3HZHrCJsbU1puBKw:1611592471975&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=izWflbimIReMEM%252ClFUpwmhXJXrxuM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kSzUKQUf184opVVLoenSwKu-pxtWQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi518HmwbfuAhXkFVkFHeiICqYQ9QF6BAgVEAE#imgrc=izWflbimIReMEM

Actually we did go to the Canadian side.
That’s where we went behind the falls and and where you board the Hornblower.
Maid of the mist is the boat on the American side.
We left there hurriedly because my oldest brother died.

[ironglows]

Actually, not my 'neighborhood'...at least 60 miles from my home..  

   You said your visit to the falls was not all that great.  Unfortunately, the Canadian side is nicer..more scenic, etc.
  You mentioned the possibility of street gangs in the falls..nah, no problem..the mafia runs the falls..  At least, that is the skinny around here..
  I get up to the Niagara Falls.. the city upon occasion, for some kind of business, but it must be 60 years since I expressly visited to view the falls .  Just not my thing..
  I do hope you visited Historic Fort Niagara, which is a few miles north of the city, where the Niagara River flows into Lake Ontario.  It is a beautiful old fort, established long before there was a city..in the early 1700s.  The old French castle is still there and complete along with much of the original..and the rest reconstructed.  It played a great part in the French & Indian & Revolutionary wars, and the war of 1812.

  https://www.google.com/search?q=old+fort+niagara..travelogues&sxsrf=ALeKk02GjaDdKgQ40f3HZHrCJsbU1puBKw:1611592471975&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=izWflbimIReMEM%252ClFUpwmhXJXrxuM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kSzUKQUf184opVVLoenSwKu-pxtWQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi518HmwbfuAhXkFVkFHeiICqYQ9QF6BAgVEAE#imgrc=izWflbimIReMEM

Actually we did go to the Canadian side.
That’s where we went behind the falls and and where you board the Hornblower.
Maid of the mist is the boat on the American side.
We left there hurriedly because my oldest brother died.

   Sorry to hear your loss, Bugeye..hope everythingis going better now..

[BUGEYE]

Ironglow, that was three years ago and I think of him every day.

[Dee]

When you got married, nobody had to change their last name.

[ironglows]

...And 62% met their wife at a family reunion !