Author Topic: Jeff Foxworthy on WI  (Read 581 times)

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Offline jh45gun

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Jeff Foxworthy on WI
« on: March 24, 2004, 04:23:44 PM »
Subject: JEFF FOXWORTHY ON WISCONSIN
>>
>>
>>
>>   SERIES I:
>>
>>   If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18
>>   inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,
>>   you  might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", you
>>   might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might
>>   live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year,
>>   you might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you
>>   might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
>>   forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you
>>   might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
>>   Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett",  you might live in
>>   Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in
>>   Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
>>   wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie &Mnitowoc, you
>>   might live in Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in
>>   Wisconsin.
>>
>>   If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and
>>   you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, ....you might live in
>>   Wisconsin.
>>
>>   Series II. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:
>>
>>   1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the
>>   highway.
>>
>>   2. "Vacation" means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
>>
>>   3. You measure distance in hours.
>>
>>   4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
>>
>>   5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
>>
>>   6. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
>>
>>   7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
>>   without flinching.
>>
>>   8. You see people wearing camouflage at social events, (including
>>   weddings).
>>
>>
>>   9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
>>   unlocked.
>>
>>   10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
>>
>>   11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
>>   use them.
>>
>>   12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm
>>   at any given time.
>>
>>   13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
>>
>>   14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
>>   snow.
>>
>>   15. You refer to the Packers as "we."
>>
>>   16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
>>   construction.
>>
>>   17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
>>
>>   18. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
>>
>>   19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
>>
>>   20. You know how to polka.
>>
>>   21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
>>   blue spruce.
>>
>>   22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
>>
>>   23. Down South to you means Iowa.
>>
>>   24. A brat is something you eat.
>>
>>   25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
>>
>>   26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
>>
>>   27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
>>
>>   28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
>>
>>   29. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
>>
>>   30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
>>   Wisconsin friends.
>>
Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use it.

Offline ironglow

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Jeff Foxworthy on WI
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2004, 02:12:26 AM »
Hey don't be so exclusionary:
   Most of those same positions, with slight (very slight), local changes would fit right in here in rural western NY...

   Shucks; around here, we don't believe snow is any good at all...until it's 2 years old!!
If you don't want the truth, don't ask me.  If you want something sugar coated...go eat a donut !  (anon)

Offline Mauser

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Jeff Foxworthy on WI
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2004, 12:45:24 AM »
Very true!  How about "when you think the end of winter coincides with school getting out." or "when you know at least 5 people who wear visible Packer clothes to church."

Offline ironglow

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Jeff Foxworthy on WI
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2004, 04:47:57 PM »
Or when less than 1/4 of your friends have never visited a cheese factory!...LOL
If you don't want the truth, don't ask me.  If you want something sugar coated...go eat a donut !  (anon)