Author Topic: Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter  (Read 1306 times)

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Offline BamBams

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« on: April 13, 2004, 02:05:29 AM »
Well, it's been almost 24 hours and no word from my hard-headed, "difficult," 13 year old daughter. She had an argument with her mother yesterday and decided to flee.

I went looking for her last night, but I could only find out where she "had" been and could never track her down.  Temperatures last night here were below freezing, so I expected her to show up at some point in the middle of the night, but she must have found some place to stay warm.  I'm not thinking the worst just yet, but now waiting to see if she shows up at school this morning.

I did contact the police, and they are keeping an eye out for her also.

Please pray for her safety, and that she will return with a clear and sound mind.
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Offline MSP Ret

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2004, 02:21:18 AM »
Prayers are being prayed right now and will continue. Your daughter, you, and your family are all being prayed for. Take it for what it's worth, after 32.5+ years in law enforcement, she will return...God Bless....<><.... :-)
"Giving up your gun to someone else on demand is called surrender. It means that you have given up your ability to protect yourself to a power that is greater than you." - David Yeagley

Offline BIGBOREFAN

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2004, 02:37:38 AM »
Lord, please watch over and protect BamBams daughter and bring her back safe. Praying for your whole family. BamBams it is like MSP Ret said she will come back. If I had to guess she's at a close friends. Prayers sent and God bless.


BBF
LETS GO STEELER'S. BIG BEN JUST KEEPS ON TICKEN. STEELER'S IN JACKSONVILLE THIS YEAR!

Offline jh45gun

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2004, 02:47:02 AM »
Good luck and my prayers are with you. The other guys are right since she left of her own free will she will be back after she cools down. Like it was said she is probably at some friends house but it still is a worry I am sure. Jim
Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use it.

Offline Big Hext Finnigan

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2004, 04:49:50 AM »
Lord, protect and preserve Your precious child.
Let her heart be softened to hear and heed Your voice.

Grant peace and patience to Your servants, her parents.  
Let them remain in Your grace.
Amen
But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint.  - Edmund Burke

Offline BamBams

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2004, 06:14:50 AM »
I am very happy to let everyone know that she showed up at school this morning with a BIG chip on her shoulder. I brought along the handcuffs, and sure enough, needed to use them (you aren't gonna see me chasing her down the street), then it was straight over to the police department where she got read the riot act by a wonderful Sgt.

I TRULY appreciate the prayers folks, and I credit those prayers right now for her safe return home.  Thank you friends, and thank you God!

She seems to have learned from this experience, so I got out the "fattened calf" to celebrate -- ie:  she get's a pet mouse today that she always wanted.
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Offline MSP Ret

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2004, 11:19:54 AM »
Glad to hear everything worked out well BamBams, it's hard to tell parents not to worry (this as a parent), but as a "cop" I know almost all (99++%) come home safe....<><.... :grin: (I'll keep the prayers coming for a while...)
"Giving up your gun to someone else on demand is called surrender. It means that you have given up your ability to protect yourself to a power that is greater than you." - David Yeagley

Offline ironglow

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2004, 04:01:30 PM »
Just tuned in AFTER the crisis....but praise The Lord all the more for her safe return.
    Now work  real hard at building your relationship.....don't take for granted that all is fine now...keep working with her>>>
   You are still in my prayers....may God give you comfort and family peace!!
If you don't want the truth, don't ask me.  If you want something sugar coated...go eat a donut !  (anon)

Offline Fla Brian

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2004, 04:43:21 PM »
I, too, just found out about it after she had already turned up. I know you must have been worried sick over it. Praise God for her safe return.  I pray that whatever conflicts she is having at home may be resolved and harmony restored in your home. I pray that she will seek His guidance when she is in distress, that He may comfort her, that He may bring her peace in her mind.

In His name, Amen.
Brian
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Nil sine magno labore.

Offline BamBams

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2004, 04:51:34 PM »
I just want to say "thank you" again.  I am slowly coming to realize that this child is so unlike her sister that I need to work with her much differently.

She's not much of a talker, so it makes it  hard to find out what is happening in her mind.  As of tonight, her attitude is a 180 degree turnaround from this morning.  I'll take this as a sign that she is waking up to some realities.

A year ago, I would have NEVER considered allowing a mouse to be a pet in my home, but this little guy is actually kinda fun.  I wonder how long they can keep it from the dog?
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Offline big medicine

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2004, 05:59:06 PM »
Bambam,
Just saw the post. Glad your daughter is back. Better to have her back and butt heads than something worse. I pray for the best out come for your family.

Offline jh45gun

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2004, 10:13:53 PM »
Glad to see she is home safe!!! Jim
Said I never had much use for one, never said I didn't know how to use it.

Offline Nanook 450

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« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2004, 04:05:12 AM »
Having run away myself, at age 13 and finally moving out of the house, for good at age 16; working from busboy to manager of a restaurant then going to college with only a GED as a foundation then graduating, I can speak on this 13 year old's behalf.

Bottom line, when the emphasis is on discipline and control, that young woman will eventually escape - handcuffs? Talk with a police officer?  You are being passively manipulated by  a very smart young lady.

Don't treat her as a grown up, then shove her back into childhood - you are dealing with an adolescent - what you have instilled to date, is what you get - be there for her - hold her hand - pray with her.

Those handcuffs may be your bracelets someday - that little girl may be the one making your nursing home decision.  She will never forget this experience.

Offline magooch

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2004, 06:50:34 AM »
To some extent, the girl can't help herself--raging hormones and all.  Having raised a daughter, I know what you are going through.  We were very lucky that our daughter made it through the teenage turmoil fairly unscathed.  She did however, remain somewhat of an airhead until she became a mama herself; the transformation was instant and profound.  Today, this woman is a world-class mom, although I think she is a little too permissive.

The only thing I can tell you is to be patient and hug the hell out of that little girl.
Swingem

Offline BamBams

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2004, 02:14:19 PM »
Quote from: magooch
To some extent, the girl can't help herself--raging hormones and all.  Having raised a daughter, I know what you are going through.  We were very lucky that our daughter made it through the teenage turmoil fairly unscathed.  She did however, remain somewhat of an airhead until she became a mama herself; the transformation was instant and profound.  Today, this woman is a world-class mom, although I think she is a little too permissive.

The only thing I can tell you is to be patient and hug the hell out of that little girl.


Yup.  The bottom line is that she didn't get something her way, and decided to make a huge deal out of it.  If she had truly been wanting to run away, we'd have never seen her showing up for school the next day.  At this point, I'm fairly certain that she has realized she did something extremely stupid which only made things even more difficult for "herself."  I believe this was a one time deal with her, but who can say for sure?  We'll be working on teaching her more positive (and less self-destructive) approaches to managing her frustration in the future.

Nanook:

Handcuffs?  Absolutely!  That is exactly what you put on a person whose safety you are 100% responsible for when they threaten to flee from you.  I don't know about the laws elsewhere, but in Colorado, a parent has the legal right to detain their minor child from running away.  If they can't, then they wind up detained by a judge from juvenile court if they don't get kidnapped, raped, or killed first, so take yer pick.

Police? Absolutely!  That is how you take responsibility (apologize) for making them exhaust manhours doing paperwork and searching for you.

With all due respect, your individual circumstances as a runaway child do not qualify you to speak for ALL the children who run away.  Simply put, kids (even adults) run away for very different reasons.  Some because they are abused, and some because they don't want to take responsibility and be held accountable for their own behaviors, and some who just think the grass is greener elsewhere.  I am sure there are even more reasons.

"Don't treat her as a grown up, then shove her back into childhood - you are dealing with an adolescent - what you have instilled to date, is what you get - be there for her - hold her hand - pray with her"

I'd bet there are many parents out there who wish your statement was true in all cases! The reality is that there are many people in prison today who came from excellent homes with great, loving parents.  Kids are indeed "their own person" and the older they get, the more this becomes apparent. As a parent, one cannot blame one's own parenting skills for everything a child does that is wrong.  Nobody has the ability to create in someone a person who always makes the best choices.  God won't even do that.  Conversely, when a kid turns out good, we can't take ALL the credit for that either.  

"She will never forget this experience."

I sure hope not!  I just can't wait to see the look on HER kid's faces someday when she tells them about it.
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Offline Nanook 450

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« Reply #15 on: April 14, 2004, 04:24:32 PM »
Quote from: BamBams
I just want to say "thank you" again.  I am slowly coming to realize that this child is so unlike her sister that I need to work with her much differently.  

She's not much of a talker, so it makes it  hard to find out what is happening in her mind.  As of tonight, her attitude is a 180 degree turnaround from this morning.  I'll take this as a sign that she is waking up to some realities.

A year ago, I would have NEVER considered allowing a mouse to be a pet in my home, but this little guy is actually kinda fun.  I wonder how long they can keep it from the dog?


Yes, I'm qualified to relate to another "runaway"  -  I survived - so did she.    Review this post of your's carefully, look inside yourself for the answer to why she acts out.

You are only just now treating and relating to her differently than her sister?  How fair is that.   Sure her "attitude" is better, after handcuffs and a visit with the local police, her ACT will be in order.

I am certain she has Angels looking over her, and hopefully you won't ever experience the sickening feeling of a child that must escape from their parents, and risk their life to do so.

Hope you can spend some quality time with her and let her know every day how much you love her.  If you can just get through these adolescent years, the two of you will look back at this and smile.

Offline Big Hext Finnigan

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2004, 05:15:43 PM »
Honestly, Nanook..
I think you're a bit out of line to be criticqueing a parent who was worried and wondering about his daughter.

I don't know anything about runaways, so maybe you have a point.  One that would be better served with a personal email or PM, where you introduce yourself and give some perspective.

As for the girl, I'm glad she's back at home.
Adios,
But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint.  - Edmund Burke

Offline BamBams

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« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2004, 06:38:27 PM »
It's quite alright.  I do not mind hearing his analysis at all. It does appear that this event with my daughter has caused Nanook to relive some very painful memories from his own childhood though -- which makes me sad to hear.  Sorry about that Nanook, and it makes me wonder if posting on this subject was a good idea after all as I never considered the effect it might have on others.  I simply wanted my daughter to have plenty of "prayer cover" while she was out there.

Anyway, it's obvious that things were very tough for you, but try to remember one thing okay?  Not every kid who runs away, actually means or needs to do so like you did. Nor is every household with a runaway child functioning according to the same dynamics, and with the same personalities, as the home you decided to run away from.  My kids have always been loved by both their parents, and we've always been fair to them. They both have the same rules, and both are rewarded and punished the same depending on how they respect and follow those rules.

I do agree that in this case my daughter was trying to be manipulative, but it really didn't work out the way she had hoped though.   All she did was cause herself to suffer needlessly and create a lot of grief and stress for those who love and care about her.  I think the whole event has been an eye opener for her and I'm hoping she got the entire message. What's that old saying, "Every dark cloud has a silver lining."  In your case, you had a home that needed to be escaped from, and you left for a lifetime. In this case, we had a girl who took a day to exert her will and then returned, realizing she was wrong, but being too proud to admit it right away.  There is a huge difference between those two scenarios my good friend.

As kids get older, they change.  They test you more, and they try to gain an ever increasing amount of freedom and independence. They react to social and peer pressures, and to a greater or lesser degree, they will seek to gain more acceptance and approval from their friends, parents, teachers, and other role models.  I think boys might be a little easier to work with along those lines.  In any case, I believe any parent who cared would continually strive to find better techniques to communicate with their child as they grow older and begin to exert more and more free will and independence.  It was in this vein that I made the post you are asking me to re-read carefully and I'll stand by it.  My two daughters are as different as night and day.  It can be difficult at times to shift gears depending on which one I'm dealing with at the moment.  I'm recognizing that it may be time to consider some new approaches that will improve communication with the kids, such as more family meetings, etc.

I will be the first to admit that I've made my share of mistakes as a parent over the last 15 years, but so have my parents, and their parents, and so on, so I'm certainly not going to fret about it.  We do the best we can, and we pray it works.  I've got great kids, and they've got a Dad who loves them.  Raising children can be challenging at times for anyone, and by the looks of things, I think I'm doing a pretty good job with my kids.  

Just to let you know, I also ran away once as a kid. It had absolutely nothing to do with my parents however, and I sure won't blame them for it either.  I just decided that "I" was going to do something "I" wanted to do, and I was tired of hearing the word "No" about it.   I left early in the evening, walked 11 miles in the snow, each way, and when I ran out of matches to keep my hands warm, I finally figured out just how stupid I was and snuck back inside the house where it was nice and warm, and my petty desires seemed like nothing compared to getting frostbite!  Now if running away is genetic behavior, then perhaps this WAS all my fault? (laughing)

Anyway, I'm bailing out of this thread.  I don't want to open anyone else's old wounds or spend hours on here trying to explain my parenting style to the entire world at large.

THANK ONCE MORE for everyone's prayers - they worked!  I've never seen a more caring group of people anywhere else on the Internet.  You folks are the cream of the crop!
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Offline Big Hext Finnigan

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Prayer Request: My Runaway Daughter
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2004, 07:08:48 PM »
Good enough..
And I'm in no way telling Nanook not to help others with the runaway problems..  The parent/child relationship is an uphill struggle.  We all need all the advice we can get.  My point was about the appropriateness of the comment.  If I saw criticism instead of pain, my apologies.

I'll leave this thread open for a bit more to give Nanook an opportunity to respond, then I'll lock it (if that's ok with y'all)
Adios,
But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint.  - Edmund Burke

Offline BamBams

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« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2004, 07:37:43 PM »
Seems like a good idea to me.....thanks!  I'm certainly ready to put all this behind me, and thank God my daughter is too!  *smiling*
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Offline Nanook 450

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« Reply #20 on: April 15, 2004, 02:33:15 AM »
Mr. Moderator - Bam Bam and I know each other from the old Marlin Talk sight - I don't come here often, because of the moderators - Bam Bam and I would have been just fine without your need to intervene.

Bam Bam is most correct by saying this post opened old wounds, those wounds never heal.  

This is not about me though, I'm to an extent playing the devil's advocate, and trying to drive home the most salient point;  Bam Bams little girl will only be a child a few more years, then she will spend the rest of her life as an adult, with these memories.  To focus on discipline and control, given her probable high intelligence, my only concern is she is simply biding her time, until she can escape being controlled.  

I have two little girls, age 7 and age 4 - they are disciplined heavily, my methods for each is now and has always been different - what worked on the 7 year old most often does not on the 4 year old.

My prayers for peace in you family are heart felt;  but beyond the relief of her returning home safe, is the reality that she is your gift from God and she is your's for life - both your life and hers.

Peace.

Offline Big Hext Finnigan

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« Reply #21 on: April 15, 2004, 05:47:58 AM »
Nanook,

My initial post was as a concerned parent and fellow reader.
My second post was as a concerned reader and moderator.

Your relationship with BamBam is not public knowledge.  You made no reference to it.  And again, I will say that playing Devil's advocate in this particular thread was out of line.

Yes, that's my call as moderator.  If you don't like moderation, that is your right and priviledge.  We try to look out for ALL the posters and readers.  Many more read these words than will ever comment.  We have a duty to look out for all of them.

Feel free to PM me as this thread is now closed.  I truly wish the best for you as you deal with your past.
But what is liberty without wisdom, and without virtue? It is the greatest of all possible evils; for it is folly, vice, and madness, without tuition or restraint.  - Edmund Burke