Flipside to "The most important question ever"???

[WylieKy]

My marriage may be falling apart.  We are going to do a trial speration, and go from there.  We are currently in counseling, and I hope and pray that we will be able to make it through. (and by the way, if any of you would like to send up a prayer on behalf of my wife, daughter, and myself, I would appreciate it)  We have been together since I was 15 (28 now) and she was 13 and I am well and truly devistated.  If the seperation does not work and a divorce happens in a year, I am thinking about joining up.  I have always wanted to serve, and it is one way I can think of to get away and rebuild a new life.  What are your thought about an older divorcee joining?

WylieKy

 

[Questor]

First of all, I hope it works out for you. It sounds like you are taking the right steps to give the best outcome a chance.

I was talking to a guy who used to train new recruits and was absolutely fascinated in his characterization of older recruits. By "older", he meant older than about 20 years old, and not coming in as a trained officer. He characterized the older recruits as being "lost" and "I was sad for them because they seemed not to know where to go in life...and so they turned to the military."  I couldn't believe it, and but he had the experience to be able to make a generalization like that. He also said that this generalization was not his own, but is generally recognized by other trainers of new recruits. I recall that he did mention that getting away from failed relationships is a very common reason for "older" people to join the military.

Although my first impulse is to say that it would be an honorable thing to do and would give you good way of helping and serving your country, I am also wary of the greater question here. The greater question is what you want to do with your life, and how you want to be able to look back on it.  If having served in the military is important to your vision of life, then it's probably the right thing to do.

Another possibility if the worst should come is to quit your job, move to another city that you really like, and start a new life.

Years ago, I decided I didn't like my home town because it seemed like a dead end, so I made such a move and I haven't regretted it one bit.

In any case, you've got some time to think and work on the situation. That's an advantage right there.

[hardertr]

I wish you and yours the best WylieKy.  Seperation, much less divorce, is hard...no matter which way you try to look at it.

I deal with new recruits (just out of basic) every day.  The oldest I had the pleasure to "reprogram" was 36.  They do indeed seem lost.  The main reasons I've heard for joining at such a late age are "I don't know what I want to be when i grow up" and "I couldn't find a job with my (insert fancy computer related degree here)."

At 28, you will be pretty far behind the power curve, especially if you don't have a degree.  And no matter what shape you THINK you are in physically, you will have a harder time keeping up with the "kids"...and they will let you know about it too.   On the bright side we (Army) are taking any and everybody, so long as they make motions that resemble breathing.  You will find yourself somewhere between the "highly motivated killers" and the "profile rangers" - new troops that, if they were an animal, would be put out of their misery.

Bottom line is, it all depends on what job (and even branch) you decide to join.  (If you need any help with this, drop me a line)

Like I said, I hope all works out for the best.  I very much admire new recruits that join now that we are at War.  I also look up to those folks that have been able to make a marriage work.

[WylieKy]

Bottom line for me is that my wife and daughter are everything to me.  If it works out, I will be the happiest man in the world, again.   If not, I will already be lost.  From the time I was a child I wanted to be a military man.  As funny as it sounds, I consider myself a military man. (that just hasn't had a chance yet.)  I had a AFROTC Comandants scholarship (full ride to any college in US with a ROTC program or coop.)  I did not go through with it because the kids in my highschool JROTC program were more disciplined and knew more about the AF, drill, etc.... than even the seniors getting ready for their comission!!!  I dropped out, married my sweetheart, and here I am today.  It will be at least a year off, so I have time.  I just didn't know if it was an option.  Both of you have mentioned the older men being "lost".  Where do their careers usually go? Is it a hump that can be overcame?  I will definately go Army or Marines.

WylieKy

[hardertr]

It all depends on you, your commitment to the military, and your motivation to excel.  Thinking back, most of the older guys seemed to stay in until they were able to position themselves for a government job.  This is pretty specific to my line of work however.  I have a few buddies that started out in combat arms (infantry, tankers, artillary), then came over to the more "adult friendly" jobs.

This military is not going to hold you back because of your age.  After all, you ARE under still under 30.  Even over 30, the only real factor that is out of your hands is your physical health.

IF you come in with an open mind, and desire to find yourself, the military can defintely help you do that.  If you come in to "kill time" until you figure out what you want to be....you'll stick out like a sore thumb.

I hate to say it, but if your marriage is already rocky, and you want to give a 100% to fix it, you should probably put the military option on the backburner until things work out.

I wish you the best.

[WylieKy]

Thanks for the reply.  The military option is what I am considering if the marriage does not work. 

WylieKy

[fe352v8]

WylieKY,

Divorce sucks, even when it is the best available choice.

I think it admirable that you are trying to reconcile, and hope you are successful.  I have been divorced over ten years now, after almost 20 years of marriage.  It was an amicable divorce, I assumed all the debt, gave her a lump cash payment (my 401K), learned to say convincingly, “yes dear your right, how could I have been so stupid, sorry, glad you thought of it”, and in return we agreed to joint physical custody and no child support. 

I gave up my job in corporate America and started a business where I office out of my house.   My children (now 21 and special needs, and 15) move freely between our households.  The kids came home from school to my house, we did home work, I was / am the one that usually takes them to their activities, or appointments and actually spend more time with them than when we were a “family”.  I have been their coach, for some sports, field trip chaperone, and school volunteer.

A military deployment will defiantly limit your involvement with your daughter, when I was in the Army 69-72, the closest I ever was to home, was during basic training.  I entered the service in Indiana, did basic at Ft Knox, AIT at Ft Polk, Airborne and Ranger school at Ft Benning, deployed to Viet Nam, then to Ft Wainwright, and discharged at Ft Riley.

The point is, that if your daughter is the most important thing to you, and you choose a military option, her needs will be subordinate to those of the military.  Considering the current situation, there is a strong likelihood, that your relationship with your child could become you being a picture, a monthly allotment check, cards, letters, e-mail, phone calls, and a visits 30 days a year.

Children need both a mother and a father, it is better for them when mommy and daddy are in the same house, but in lieu of that when they close by.

While my solution may not be for everyone it was, I feel, the best for my children.  Sure my retirement will involve acquiring a taste for little Friskies, and I drive a used car, and have less monetarily than I had before, but I had time with my kids that most people never had.

Before you make any decisions make sure you are emotionally stable, as your a little old to be running away from home, and remember your child.  Children should not have to suffer because of the parent’s inability to get along.  I wish you the best.

Life is no joke but funny things happen

jon