cold story

[rio grande]

y'all listen up, this here is a strange and unususal story all right.
I'm from Texas, and we ain't given to tellin' stories but I just had to share this one.
Perhaps somebody can learn from my experince and that'd be good.
i was in colorado up in the San juan mountains near the big divide, it was fall and I thought I'd be alright w/ my wool blanket but the biggest cold snap came in, snow and ice, man it was COLD.  Tried to light a fire but it was so cold the fire froze as soon as the match lit and it fell in little orange pieces on the snow.  It was so cold the air was starten to freeze, and I knew that because it was hard to move and I could hear the air cracklin and crackin as I tried to move my arm thru it. I was so desparate I tried to shoot my rifle to summon help, but the bullet froze in the barrel and no sound would come out.
Well, I knew I was in a fix and in BIG truble, what could be worse and then I found out what could be worse, a big ol' grizzly bear (now don't go tellin me theres no grizzly bears in Colorado, I know better and besides this is my story and I'm stickin to it), a big ol' terrible grizzly bear shuffled up and I thought, well, this is the big one, goodbye sweet old world.  the bear looked at me, and I looked at it.  That is, I looked at it and it looked at me. I thought the bear almost seemed glad to see me,  then  she (it was a she, ok?) gave me a big hug, as bears are known to do - hence "bear hug".  holy cow, that bear smelled bad. but it was warm, I stopped shivering and felt pretty good.  and the bear seemed warmer too.i reckon thats why it was glad to see me. so me and the bear just huddled up with that wool blanket till the cold front passed thru, a couple of days and we were snug and toasty.  spent the time tellin stories and smokin pipes and drinking moonshine. that was a real nice bear. 

[Phoneman]

Power went out here 2 days ago. I woke up next to something like that. Smelled better than a bear I suppose but quite a bit meaner. Kicked me out of bed and told me to start a fire.

[Bubber]

I met a bigfoot at a local tavern while suppin on more than a couple jack and cokes. It smelled pretty good and was a very good dancer but I just couldn't be around anything that was hairier than me.

[jamesrus]

I went camping one time in northern minnesota. It was a nice mild day and was expected to be nice overnight. Late that evening a cold front came through though. The temp plummeted over 60 degrees and it got cold. We had to eat all the food we had to keep it from freezing, the people i was with had the forsight to bring several warm sleeping bags which we all climbed into later. When we awoke with shivers the next morning and started packing up, i noticed a bunch of little round balls in the bottom o my sleeping bag. To my amazement both other bags had little round balls in them. I thought they were neat so i put them in my pocket. Later in the truck with the heater going full blast we began smelling something. My leg was getting warm. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the little round balls. There were only about half of what i had put in there earlier. As i looked at them one puffed into a small cloud of smoke and went "pooooot". It appeared our poots from the beanie weanies we ate had frozen on their way out.

Jamesrus

[gwindrider1]

If B.S. can be good, that's some pretty good stuff!  Enjoyed the "stories"! 

[Land_Owner]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?".

The girl said, "NO!".

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting, played golf a lot, drank beer, left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.

[Ray Ford]

I'm not sure how to react to this thread.

The only "cold story" that I have to tell is about one time when I walked to church.  I was an early teenager and had long, pretty hair--that was a long time ago--which I did up by sloshing water on it before dragging a comb through it.  On this particular evening, I sloshed and combed before braving the outside cold to walk across town to church.  When I arrived, my wet hair had frozen on the back of my head.  That ain't no joke: that's dedication.

[Land_Owner]

Since it was going "down hill" from the start Ray, I just gave it a harder push in that direction with similar veined but different Fairy Tale.

[SHOOTALL]

do you sell that stuff that you were smoking in that pipe ? if so ya may want to keep a low profile or the friends of bears might come by for another story !

[Ray Ford]

I'm not sure, Shoot, that you were talking to me, but the church that I went to when I was an early teenager held that, if you smoked a cigarette or drank a glass of beer, you were going to Hell right then.  And we didn't even know what that other stuff was.  Now, many years later, I still don't smoke cigarettes, or that other stuff, and I still don't like the taste or smell of beer.  But I manage to enjoy myself without it--which reminds me of something that happened a while back:

I happened to be in a meeting with a group of ex-prison inmates--mostly drug or alcohol addicts working to stay clean and sober.  One commented, "I didn't know 'til just recently that you could enjoy life and have fun without being drunk or high!"

That's my sermon for the day.  You can enjoy life and have fun without drugs or alcohol!

[NONYA]

  must have been some GOOOD pipes!

[Travis Morgan]

Reminds me of that story that ends, "Now where's that eskimo woman I'm supposed to kill"?

[Hodr]

Before you take on any eskimo women in a death match, look up the Ballad of Eskimo Nell.  Its funny, raunchy but funny.  Nell makes a grizzly look like a better proposition.

blindhari

[Travis Morgan]

That's my kinda folk song! Anyone have a recorded version, set to music?