Author Topic: I screwed up big time... (Read 1321 times)

no guns here · « **on:** December 16, 2007, 01:31:01 AM »

I got mad this morning at the littlest thing and for some reason blew my top. I threw a plate at the wall and told her to take her two and get out. Of course that means my little guy too. I don't know if she's coming back or not. I still have custody of my daughter but two are hers and then the little guy is ours. He's eight (almost). The others are 14-15. I think I've really ruined it for our family this time. I don't know what I'm going to do... I'll go talk to a chaplain tomorrow. She want's me to stay somewhere else tonight. Guess I'll take some stuff to the office and sleep there tonight.

ngh

Froghunter · « **Reply #1 on:** December 16, 2007, 03:08:28 AM »

no guns here,

IM or PM send!

Froghunter

DalesCarpentry · « **Reply #2 on:** December 16, 2007, 03:13:52 AM »

Try to make her understand how sorry you are. I have had things like this happen between my wife and I. I know she loves me and has forgiven me more than once. Good luck. Dale

no guns here · « **Reply #3 on:** December 16, 2007, 03:43:20 AM »

Tried that... don't think it will work this time. Don't know how to proceed at this point. Maybe I'll vol for a year down-range... if this doesn't get better. Nothin' like mortars and snipers to make ya' forget your troubles, huh?

Froghunter · « **Reply #4 on:** December 16, 2007, 03:53:11 AM »

Please be in the right frame of mind, if you volunteer for a year down range, Our Young Soldiers need the Best Leadership we can give them!

V/r

Froghunter

PS: IMHO this may not be the best course of action!

DalesCarpentry · « **Reply #5 on:** December 16, 2007, 03:54:58 AM »

Maybe you could ask her to go to counseling with you. If that don't work there is always jewelry. Dale

victorcharlie · « **Reply #6 on:** December 16, 2007, 04:32:42 AM »

Your situation requires divine intervention.

I suggest you repent and pray.......maybe, if your sincere and learn the error of your way you can salvage your relationship.

Anger is one of the seven deadly sins. To learn to control your anger you must first understand that anger comes not from god but from the forces of evil. Evil wins when you allow yourself to anger.

Kindness and compassion are inspired by god. Kindness and compassion are opposing forces of good.......remember the yin/yang thing?

Focus on those things which are inspired by god.

We all at times have suffered due to the forces of evil.

If you want to be content in life...... learn.......and do no evil......ask yourself......would you stay with her if she bounced dishes off the wall?

I'm telling you this because I've done the same thing you've done more than once........I was blessed.......I still have a woman whom I love deeply......that's still with me......although for the life of me I can't figure out why.......

I really had to focus but the old me hasn't appeared in years........you can't change her.....but you can change yourself........

deltecs · « **Reply #7 on:** December 16, 2007, 09:42:29 AM »

JMO but every time I've lost my temper it was due to circumstances not under my control. Then it dawned on me that if it wasn't under my control why in the heck did I get angry. Forget it. Learn to kick a can and get over it. Talk to the wife and try to change your attitude toward life's little setbacks. It works for me and I had a terrible temper. Still do, but now I control it.

williamlayton · « **Reply #8 on:** December 16, 2007, 11:54:10 AM »

What is done is done.
You can do is pray--maintain a repentant attitude--Show Her a REAL change of heart.
Time often heals but not without change.
I will pray.
Blessings

tomzuki · « **Reply #9 on:** December 16, 2007, 02:21:51 PM »

No Guns, You are only in control of yourself. All else is outside your influence. Ask her to come back. That's all you have to offer. One can only learn from a mistake if it hurts.

Dusty Miller · « **Reply #10 on:** December 16, 2007, 02:35:38 PM »

If you are getting mad enough to throw things in the house then you have major anger issues. You need to get some anger management counseling whether she wants to go with you or not. Here in the PRC you cudda been arrested for spousal abuse.

Chilachuck · « **Reply #11 on:** December 17, 2007, 05:31:52 AM »

What you actually do is not caused by anger (or drink), it is caused by your decisions.

You can decide that you WILL NOT be violent in your home, no matter how angry you get.

No rationalizations, no exceptions, no reservations, no fudging.

That decision is yours, as is the responsibility.

no guns here · « **Reply #12 on:** December 17, 2007, 05:54:44 AM »

You're right... I just don't seem to be able to get to that point. I don't drink really. I have a (as in ONE) beer once in a while when I'm running the grill. That's not a factor. I just can't stand my step-son. He drives me nuts and his attitude just ticks me off. I really want them to stay but I'm not sure I can hold it together until he is 18. He just turned 14. The girls are 15.5 right now (not twins, step-sisters). If wife leaves, then I'm sure I'll have my daughter stay here with me unless she just absolutely wants to go to her mother's house. She can't go with my wife, not sure that would be legal anyway. I sure don't want to screw up 4 kids lives but it looks like I have. Even if she stays, it will NEVER be the same here...

rex6666 · « **Reply #13 on:** December 17, 2007, 06:27:22 AM »

I had a real anger problem,(mine brought on by drinking)
you have to remember their is only ONE thing YOU can control and that is you.
You have to learn to either accept or tolarate.
If you can not tolorate something you have to learn to accept it for what it is or leave it
If you can not accept it you must learn to tolorate it and hope it gets better.
Both of these take lots of prayer and patience
You must go to someone that can help YOU before you can do anything else.
Something causes the anger you were not born angry.
It took an anger counselor to make me understand that something was causing my
anger.
In my case NOT BEING IN CONTROL, then the alcohol just took it thr rest of the way.
When it gets bad enough we all decide to do something about it. Maybe it is your time.

mrsfroghunter · « **Reply #14 on:** December 17, 2007, 11:50:24 AM »

No Guns Here;

Just let me say that I've read the post and I guess from a man's point ! Now Then hear it from a females point of view ! I strongly suggest that you quit trying to take the place of father in your step children's lives ! Teenage year's are the hardest and regardless of what the real father may have or may not of been ,there is no way for you to fill that void! The best that you can do is try your hardest to just be a very good friend because the more you try to control them the more that run their own way ! Believe me when I say it bring's alot of heart ache! As for you and your wife it is tough begin a military wife ! The best that I can suggest you both will not be able to go foward with your realationship until you both put everything out on the table ! Once that is done ,throw it into the trash can and stop pulling it out! It is then that the healing starts! What ever that you are doing to upset her apparently you keep doing it over and over again. So at no time this was settled ! A marriage is not easy ! But it does take both people and alot of communications ! You cannot build another solid foundation unless you are willing to tear everything down and rebuild again ! I wish you and her the best of luck! The lord does work in mistourios way's!

Best Wishes
Mrs. Froghunter

no guns here · « **Reply #15 on:** December 17, 2007, 07:39:12 PM »

Office floors, even with a ground pad are hard! Oh well, at least there is a shower, sink etc just one door down.

ms · « **Reply #16 on:** December 21, 2007, 05:11:19 AM »

You said you were sorry now let her call you. I know it's going to be hard but she will come around then tell her you want to meet for dinner. Tell her how you feel good luck.

rockbilly · « **Reply #17 on:** December 21, 2007, 04:16:17 PM »

No guns here I shouldn't have to tell you this, but actions such as yours could place you and your family in a very bad situation if this hit the ear of top brass. I am retired military, and as an Air Force Senior NCO I was expected to maintain control of my temper even under adverse conditions. Action such as your could/may lead to duty restrictions, and prevent you from being placed in a leadership position, it may also result in a human reliability charge and prevent you from access to a firearm or access to classified materials/documents.

If you are career military I urge you at sign up for an anger management class today, and perhaps contact your Chaplin for his assistance in resolving the issue between you and the wife. In the future, please try to step back, take a breath, and think about the consequences before you act.

Anytime is a bad time for something like this to happen, but it is especially bad for the children at this time of year. I hope you can work things out for their sake.

DalesCarpentry · « **Reply #18 on:** December 21, 2007, 04:40:22 PM »

Quote from: rockbilly on December 21, 2007, 04:16:17 PM

No guns here I shouldn't have to tell you this, but actions such as yours could place you and your family in a very bad situation if this hit the ear of top brass. I am retired military, and as an Air Force Senior NCO I was expected to maintain control of my temper even under adverse conditions. Action such as your could/may lead to duty restrictions, and prevent you from being placed in a leadership position, it may also result in a human reliability charge and prevent you from access to a firearm or access to classified materials/documents.

If you are career military I urge you at sign up for an anger management class today, and perhaps contact your Chaplin for his assistance in resolving the issue between you and the wife. In the future, please try to step back, take a breath, and think about the consequences before you act.

Anytime is a bad time for something like this to happen, but it is especially bad for the children at this time of year. I hope you can work things out for their sake.

There is nothing here to indicate that Noguns is a military person. Unless you are referring to this. Even this does not say he is military. Tried that... don't think it will work this time. Don't know how to proceed at this point. Maybe I'll vol for a year down-range... if this doesn't get better. Nothin' like mortars and snipers to make ya' forget your troubles, huh? This is a firearms forum and his previous statement could have nothing to do with the military. Dale

Rogue Ram · « **Reply #19 on:** December 21, 2007, 07:23:01 PM »

I went through the step kid situation with lady whose teen age daughter was beyond salvage. If any of what happened to me is happening to you, man I feel your pain. You name it, she did it. I was never considered the head of the household, I was always hit with "you're not my dad" and all that crap. The other half was given a choice by me, and that was counseling (and a few other things like shutting off the faucet of continually throwing money at the problem) or it was done. She made her choice, I bailed. I was able to bail completely intact as we had no children together. You are in a diff situation, but I am betting she is letting the kid run rampant.

Intervention, YES. But be careful, don't get an idiot for a counselor who tries to broker a deal over the kid. They need to get her to deal with the issue (if that's the main one). As for anger management, well, enough has been said already.

No offense to you, anyone else, nor the gals reading, but NONE OF THEM are worth you getting that upset and going to jail. They drive you that nuts head to the office and keep your head down. Take a few days and regroup. The advice the folks above have given is all good. But remember, you have to take care of yourself and your own child.

Good luck.

RR

Chilachuck · « **Reply #20 on:** December 22, 2007, 06:30:04 AM »

LOL, about that "You're not my dad" stuff - one guy wrote that his step kid pulled that, then later that day wanted to be taken to the mall. The guy said "Nope". Kid asked "why?". Guy says "I'm not your dad".

The lesson took, that time.

mrsfroghunter · « **Reply #21 on:** December 22, 2007, 01:06:49 PM »

no guns,

Regardless if you are military or not ! If at anytime your temper where your spouse or any ones children are concerned is out of control as you so have spoken of then you should seek some kind help! Now then I've read where as you indicate that you are military ''' what ever''' rock Billy statement is true! if you aren't military then there are other places you need to go! The fact that you say nothing like mortar's and sniper's won't help ! ''' Let me say that if you are military woo is me will not work! Pity people that need pity ! You are a grown man,regardless you are very much in control of whom you are and how you act. Take responsibility for your action's ,deal with it and you know, "Be glad that you wake up in the morning" and that the good lord gave you another day on this earth!

Mrsfroghunter

Sourdough · « **Reply #22 on:** December 22, 2007, 04:08:38 PM »

No Guns: As you said you need to go see the chaplain, ask the wife to go with you. Maybe you can work it out. Also it may help to seek anger management classes, but the main responsibility is yours and yours alone. You are the one that controls your actions, think positive, don't let your anger get the best of the situation. Stop go cool down and think the situation out.

As someone else said, if you don't it will ruin your career, especially if you are career status.

Dales: There is a lot to indicate he is military, I've been around the military for 40 years. 20 years active duty, 20 years civil service and dependent husband.. He still needs to get it together before someone else does it for him and ruins his career. All it will take is one complaint from his wife to the right people and he is done. If he is charged with physical abuse, he loses the ability to be around firearms. That means discharge. You can not argue with me on this, my wife is a paralegal for the army and has processed many discharges. So like he said he screwed up big time, and now it is called damage control, and He needs to get it together quick.

Chilachuck · « **Reply #23 on:** December 23, 2007, 05:23:17 AM »

It's sort of funny that military members that claim they cannot control their tempers seldom blow up at their superiors (and anyone who thinks superiors in the military are not the most aggravation there is, cannot serve in the military because they were dropped on their head when they were born).