Author Topic: This gave me a good chuckle.  (Read 583 times)

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Offline DalesCarpentry

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This gave me a good chuckle.
« on: December 16, 2008, 02:14:52 PM »
This gave me a good chuckle. Dale

DUI TEXAS STYLE

Only a person from Texas could think of this.

 

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this story.


Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

 

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

 

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off-it was a fine, dry summer night-flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

 

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a Breathalyzer test.

 

To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

 

Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

 

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'


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Offline Spanky

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2008, 03:26:40 PM »
I don't condone drunk driving but that is funny. ;D


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Offline DalesCarpentry

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2008, 03:36:01 PM »
I don't condone drunk driving but that is funny. ;D


Spanky
I also do not condone drunk driving but it is very funny. Dale
The quality of a mans life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence.

A bad day at the range is better than a good day at work!!

Offline ro

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2008, 03:46:37 PM »
 :) Thats a good one Dale.

Offline Kurt L

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2008, 04:11:46 PM »
DALE.
I almost passed by as Most of your stuff is ,well a little off the wall ???
But that was a good one ;D
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Offline Heather

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2008, 06:00:35 AM »
If my throat didn't hurt so bad right now that would have made me laugh out loud.   :D

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Offline williamlayton

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2008, 06:57:52 AM »
How in the world does a patrol car think it can go on a stake-out?
Only in Texas.
Drunks are not stupid, in this case, and it worked out for them.
Condone drunk driving? No! You just have too appreciate the audacity.
Maybe the officer needs further training in hiding better.
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Offline rockbilly

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2008, 07:26:55 AM »
Dale, I don't know where you got the idea that Texas is the "country where drunk driving is considered a sport," This could not be further from the truth.
 
If you want to do some serious time come on out to Abilene and try your hand at drunk driving.  I am sure one of my city, county or state police officer friends will be glad to provide room and board for you, at our expense.

In recent months we have lost one Abilene Police officer to a drunk driver, and another was seriously injuried.  Drunk driving is not taken lightly, and we are building new jails for those that can't/won't comply with the rules.


Offline rex6666

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2008, 08:03:33 AM »
That story really gets around, last time i heard it, it was in Amarillo.
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Offline powderman

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2008, 01:34:43 PM »
Many years ago in Lou along beargrass creek some guys were fishing when they spotted a game warden coming towards them. One of the guys threw his pole down and ran as fast as he could with the warden running after him. Finally the guy quit running and the warden caught him and demaned his license, the guy complied. The warden said, why did you run??? You have a license. The guy said yes, my buddy doesn't. Of course his buddy was gone. POWDERMAN.  ;D ;D
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Offline eod20

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2008, 03:26:12 PM »
is that like  - never go bear hunting with a friend that you can not out run   because a bear can not run and eat at the same time ???

    my last DUI i observed the gentleman driving in circles  - the wrong way around the water fountain in town - thru 3 stop signs    repeatedly    when i stopped him he tried to give me a class in DUI detection    by the way   he was so tight he could not stand upright.    his 7th offense
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Offline ironglow

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2008, 03:35:28 PM »
  Whiule I certainly frown upon drunk driving as much as I frown upon drinking while hunting/shooting...we have a new threat upon the highways. That new threat is message texting     http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,421801,00.html

   Four high school girls were killed a few months back near Rochester, NY...because the gal driving was texting, crossed the median and took an 18-wheeler head on.
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Offline DalesCarpentry

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2008, 03:52:25 PM »
is that like  - never go bear hunting with a friend that you can not out run   because a bear can not run and eat at the same time ???

    my last DUI i observed the gentleman driving in circles  - the wrong way around the water fountain in town - thru 3 stop signs    repeatedly    when i stopped him he tried to give me a class in DUI detection    by the way   he was so tight he could not stand upright.    his 7th offense
I definitely do not condone drunk driving by any sense of the word. I have never had one and never will. I lost my driver licence for 11 years for being young and stupid. I got caught driving 9 times on a suspended license. I still had to make it to work!!!!!!!!!! It took a long time to get things straight and I promise you I will never lose it again. They say it is a privilege to drive. I disagree. With out it you are screwed. You can not lead a normal life without one. Unless you live in the city with public transportation. My boss's brother is going through some tough times with his as of now. We work together and were talking about it today. I would not want to be in his shoes even if you paid me. This is his 7Th DUI in the last few years. I heard him talking to his lawyer on the phone today. He is going to have to do some time in jail now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His lawyer can post pone it for maybe a year or so but the end result will be him going to jail anyways. I feel for him but at the same time he did this to himself. Rick is a good guy but I guess he has not learned my lesson yet. I think about what he is up against and cower at the thought of going to jail. I spent 2 days there when I was younger and never want to go back. Dale
The quality of a mans life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence.

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Offline Sourdough

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Re: This gave me a good chuckle.
« Reply #13 on: December 17, 2008, 05:59:00 PM »
I too don't condone drunk driving, never have never will.

Shortly before I retired from the Air Force, the women that I worked with decided to take me to the NCO Club on my birthday.  This was the first time I had been to the Club in years without my wife.  My wife was 8 months along with our son and she did not want to come to the club and dance or drink soda.  Anyway I had a few drinks, and the next thing I knew I was not in shape to drive.  Actually I had only planned to have one drink, but when I got up to dance the girls refilled my glass.  They intended to get me loaded, because I get funny when I get that way.  They were going to prevent me from driving anyway.  But after I had two drinks and realized I was buzzing, I went out and called my wife to come and get me.  At the time we had a friend Kathy living with us.  Kathy was the new secretary for the Base Commander. 

At the time the temp was -30 and Michelle did not want to leave my Jeep at the club, so she brought Kathy to drive me home.   Kathy came into the Club to see how things was going on, Michelle went back home.  Kathy joined the women I worked with and we continued to have a good time.  Only Kathy was not drinking anything but soda.  When we decided to leave Kathy headed out to my Jeep, while I said goodnight to all my friends.  As I approached the door I knew I was going to get the heck knocked out of me if I touched the metal door after walking across the wool carpet of the Club.  When the temp is was below zero, static electricity will really hurt.  One trick to prevent getting shocked, you can take your key ring and while holding it in your hand touch the door with a key.  The static will jump from the key to the metal door and not hurt.  Therefore when I went out the door I had my keys in my hand.  I had slipped the ring over my finger and was flipping it around my finger as I walked toward my Jeep.

Security Police was sitting across the street watching everyone coming out of the club.  What no one knew at the time one of the barmaids serving at the club was calling the Security Police and reporting when someone had too many drinks so thery would be caught.  Therefore they were watching for me.  I got about half way across the parking lot when the Security Police drove their car up and cut me off.  They jumped out and stopped me.  They started reading me my rights.  Then they told me that the fact that I had my keys in my hand showed intent to drive.  So I was under arrest.  At this point Kathy pulled up with my Jeep.  When Kathy stopped and got out the Security Police told her to get back into her Jeep and leave, that what was going on was none of her business.  Kathy informed them she was my ride since I was not in condition to drive.  They yelled at her to either get into her jeep and leave, or she would be arrested for interferance in an arrest.  The cops refused to listen to anything she said.  This really tightened Kathy's jaws so to speak. 

I had a radio in my Jeep with the Base emergency channels on it.  Kathy dialed the radio to the Command Post channel and called the Command Post and asked to speak to the Base Commander. The cops could hear her talking to someone and then the Command Post answering her.  The Cops came over and threatened to pull her out of the Jeep.  At that point the Command Post patched her through to the Base Commander.  Kathy informed him of what the security Police was trying to do.  The Commander asked her to put the Cops on the radio.  Kathy rolled the window down and handed one of the cops the mike and told him Col Tayler wanted to talk to him.  Mean time I am sitting on the back of the cop car handcuffed and not completely knowing what is going on.  Suddenly the cops were there taking the handcuffs off me and wanting to know who Kathy was.  I smiled and told them she was a good friend, nothing else.  I got into the Jeep with Kathy and she drove me home.

The next day the cops was told that since they were going overboard, they would not stake out the NCO Club again.  Col Taylor pointed out that here was an NCO doing the right thing, calling for a ride home, and they were interfering with his rights when he had done nothing wrong.  Col Tayler started asking questions about how they knew about NCOs coming out of the Club when they had been drinking, and why the sudden increase in DUI arrest recently at the Club.  it finally came out about the Barmaid who was calling in reporting people drinking.  When someone got caught for DUI they were sent to a class, and placed on a special program.  The barmaid ran the program.  The snitch got fired from the club, and her actions was placed in her records.
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