My rule of thumb......base of bullet even with bottom of the neck. NOT down into the shoulder or case area. This is where I kind of start. If the ammo will not chamber or will not fit into the magazine, I may have to seat it a little deep. Magazine and barrel rifling will make this determination for me.
If ammo easily fits magazine and chambers, you can work at seating the bullet shallower so closer to your rifling, but you want to make sure you have at LEAST 1/10" of bullet bearing surface being held by your case neck.
Seated depth of your bullets have a minute effect on pressures when using under max loads. You can shoot your four shots, without having to pull the bullets, and will likely see no difference in accuracy.
If you look at the tip of your Hornady bullets, you can likely see the exposed lead having a little different shape on each of the bullets. If the ogive of the bullet is not fitting perfectly with your RCBS seating stem, this exposed lead can give you different seating depths also. Unless you are trying to shoot teeny tiny groups, you will not notice this either.
LIke mentioned earlier, most of my die boxes have "dummy" rounds where I have used unprimed and empty brass and seated seperate brands of bullets to match my magazine or chamber. I just have to pull out one of these 'dummies' to adjust my seating die and away I go.
With .243, you could likely do your load work-up in 1.0 grain increments. When you find a sweet spot where 45 - 46 or 46-48 grains or whatever (just example numbers NOT load recommendations) then you can do .5 or .3 grain changes in charges to do a final dial-in on your load. It is suprising how many of my loads came out exactly on a whole grain load (45.0 or 48.0, etc.)
Good questions, but nothing to sweat over. Go out and shoot your reloads and come home and reload them again.
Steve