After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
Cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
"Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6 .August 14: Moved the 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13 .October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browses through,
yelled "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least,
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
