Author Topic: Any good Obama jokes? (Read 6781 times)

45-70.gov · « **Reply #60 on:** March 23, 2009, 05:32:38 AM »

i once heard tiger woods say

''no one has ever mentioed i was the first asian to win the masters''

from me that earned a lot of respect

Cabin4 · « **Reply #61 on:** March 23, 2009, 05:34:49 AM »

Quote from: 45-70.gov on March 23, 2009, 05:32:38 AM

i once heard tiger woods say

''no one has ever mentioed i was the first asian to win the masters''

from me that earned a lot of respect

Since he claims to be black now I'm not sure what to make of that.

JonnyC · « **Reply #62 on:** March 23, 2009, 07:54:55 AM »

Quote from: Dixie Dude on March 23, 2009, 05:31:14 AM

Longtom, I laughed my head off!

Heres one.

Obama gets off Airforce 1 with a pig under each arm.

The Marine salutes him and says "nice pigs sir".

Obama says, "these are not pigs but razorback hogs I got for Hillary Clinton and Nanci Pelosi.

The Marine salutes again and says, "nice trade sir"

DAJA VUE ALL OVER AGAIN

Questor · « **Reply #63 on:** March 23, 2009, 11:38:31 AM »

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC, and those rascals deducted $95.00 in taxes.

LONGTOM · « **Reply #64 on:** March 23, 2009, 06:13:22 PM »

I guess Dixie Dude didn't go far enought back up the replys.

"Here's one"

A little late!
I did that one about 23 replys earlier.

No problem, it was worth another read!

Questor, I like the one about the little boy and taxes!
Sounds like something Washington would do!

LONGTOM

Dixie Dude · « **Reply #65 on:** March 24, 2009, 02:04:31 AM »

Yes, I was in a hurry, and didn't go far enough back, and just heard the joke. Sorry if I offended any Democrats.

LONGTOM · « **Reply #66 on:** April 05, 2009, 08:49:04 PM »

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched
as their government under went a peaceful transition of power several weeks past.

At first, I felt a pride and patriotism as I watched
Barack Obama take his Oath of office. (NOT!!!)

However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later
watched 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President.

It was then that I realized how far America 's Military
had deteriorated.

Every last one of them missed!!!

LONGTOM

JonnyC · « **Reply #67 on:** April 06, 2009, 12:30:08 AM »

THEY WERE SHOOTING AT BUSH IN THE AIRPLANE. LOL

billy_56081 · « **Reply #68 on:** April 06, 2009, 01:49:22 AM »

I90 through South Dakota will be closed this weekend, they will be moving a 200 ton lump of coal. Obama is being added to Mount rushmore.

JC

LONGTOM · « **Reply #69 on:** April 06, 2009, 03:51:07 AM »

Very good Billy.
You move to the front of the class!
Would you please move over Little Johnny, and make room for Billy.
Thank you.

LONGTOM

Tommyt · « **Reply #70 on:** April 06, 2009, 05:11:29 AM »

Quote from: billy_56081 on April 06, 2009, 01:49:22 AM

I90 through South Dakota will be closed this weekend, they will be moving a 200 ton lump of coal. Obama is being added to Mount rushmore.

JC

Lmao
Almost Spit my Coffee
Thanks

JonnyC · « **Reply #71 on:** April 06, 2009, 09:42:21 AM »

Quote from: billy_56081 on April 06, 2009, 01:49:22 AM

I90 through South Dakota will be closed this weekend, they will be moving a 200 ton lump of coal. Obama is being added to Mount rushmore.

JC

AH- SO YOU FINALLY ADMIT HE SHOULD TAKE HIS PLACE WITH THE OTHER GREAT ONES .

-Shaggy- · « **Reply #72 on:** April 06, 2009, 02:00:39 PM »

Quote from: JonnyC on April 06, 2009, 09:42:21 AM

Quote from: billy_56081 on April 06, 2009, 01:49:22 AM
I90 through South Dakota will be closed this weekend, they will be moving a 200 ton lump of coal. Obama is being added to Mount rushmore.

JC

AH- SO YOU FINALLY ADMIT HE SHOULD TAKE HIS PLACE WITH THE OTHER GREAT ONES .

No, he should earn his place, not just take it. But that doesn't seem to be how he gets what he wants.....

Oldshooter · « **Reply #73 on:** April 06, 2009, 02:07:44 PM »

DID YA HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE NUKES!

he wants to get rid of ours so everyone will get rid of theirs! I just cant stop laughing!

NOT

DalesCarpentry · « **Reply #74 on:** April 06, 2009, 02:31:44 PM »

Yea. Lets just give up our only greatest defence!!!!!!! That is the only reason most countries don't want to push that button. PLEASE DON'T TAKE AWAY OUR BUTTON.

If there are only 100 people left on earth. I want them to be Americans!!!!!!!!!!!

Dale

CannonKrazy · « **Reply #75 on:** April 06, 2009, 03:13:30 PM »

Obama and his wife were discussing a new pet for the kids for when they moved into the white house. His wife Mechelle wanted to get a cat but Obama started shaking all over and declared there would be no cats in the white house. When asked why he felt this way he told his wife when he was young his cat always tried to cover him up with sand.

victorcharlie · « **Reply #76 on:** April 07, 2009, 12:55:20 PM »

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has issued a new flavor, "Barocky Road".

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half Chocolate, and surrounded by Fruits, Nuts, and Flakes.

The Vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.

The Nuts and Flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the Ice Cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

Thus you are left with an empty wallet, no change, holding an empty cone, with no hope of getting any Ice Cream.

Aren't you feeling stimulated?

Oldshooter · « **Reply #77 on:** April 07, 2009, 03:49:19 PM »

Good one VC!!

billy_56081 · « **Reply #78 on:** April 10, 2009, 03:33:26 AM »

"Gun Control

Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ''Well, dumbass, stop clapping!' " Quote partsman on another thread

LONGTOM · « **Reply #79 on:** April 10, 2009, 05:52:50 AM »

DAH!
Very good Billy.

LONGTOM

redboot612 · « **Reply #80 on:** April 10, 2009, 03:59:19 PM »

I-90 will be closed this weekend in South Dakota. They will be hauling in a 250 ton lump of coal to add Obama to Mt. Rushmore.

LONGTOM · « **Reply #81 on:** April 10, 2009, 04:16:50 PM »

See, just like his stimulas package, even his jokes keep growing in size.
The last time this joke was posted the coal weighed 200 tons, now its up to 250.
I bet before it is done it will be well over 300 tons!

He lies so much that it is starting to show up in the jokes about him.

LONGTOM

Dee · « **Reply #82 on:** April 10, 2009, 04:23:56 PM »

Quote from: LONGTOM on April 10, 2009, 04:16:50 PM

See, just like his stimulas package, even his jokes keep growing in size.
The last time this joke was posted the coal weighed 200 tons, now its up to 250.
I bet before it is done it will be well over 300 tons!

He lies so much that it is starting to show up in the jokes about him.

LONGTOM

He can't help it LONGTOM. Its' an Illi"NOISE" thing. In four years he'll probably try to sell the "White House". He has already sold us out.

LONGTOM · « **Reply #83 on:** April 10, 2009, 08:04:56 PM »

Man Dee you sure got that right!

It is hard to beleave in this day & age with all the means to find things out in just a few minutes that the people of this country can still be so STUPID!!!

LONGTOM

LONGTOM · « **Reply #84 on:** April 10, 2009, 08:21:54 PM »

This isn't really a joke about THE LIAR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, but it is about his people.

Three men were waiting in an airport lounge for their flight.
There was an american indian, a cowboy and a muslim.

Their flight was delayed and so the cowboy leaned his chair back on two legs and pulled his hat down over his eyes to get some rest.

After a while the indian struck up a conversation with the muslim.

He said "we were once many, now we are but few".

The muslim returned with you know "we were once few, but now we are many".
I wonder why this has come to be?

The cowboy spoke up in a soft but firm voice and said, "that's because we ain't played cowboys & muslims yet!

LONGTOM
.

Dee · « **Reply #85 on:** April 11, 2009, 01:37:37 AM »

Quote from: JonnyC on April 06, 2009, 09:42:21 AM

Quote from: billy_56081 on April 06, 2009, 01:49:22 AM
I90 through South Dakota will be closed this weekend, they will be moving a 200 ton lump of coal. Obama is being added to Mount rushmore.

JC

AH- SO YOU FINALLY ADMIT HE SHOULD TAKE HIS PLACE WITH THE OTHER GREAT ONES .

JonnyC being a socialist among so many non-socialist must be stressful. Looking at your avatar it appears that Obama has already starved you near to death, yet you remain a socialist, and defend a Marxist, whom is heading us toward fascist. That in itself is material for a joke. Except it isn't funny. While I am not into openly telling some what racist jokes, I am not offended if others do. Unless they are about American Indians.

He has most recently shook hands with a "white" queen, and "bowed to Muslim" yet you are afraid of hurting his supporters feelings? And obviously you as a socialist supporter are offended also. Tell me. Are you union too?

JonnyC · « **Reply #86 on:** April 11, 2009, 03:55:15 AM »

I love the way some here label me as this or that ,without knowing who I really am just because I disagree with some of your opinions. I'm one of the few here who doesn't jump on the band wagon and what I get is labeled. But than again some of you can't bear to have opposing opinions- BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS CORRECT- well in your eyes anyway. LOL

billy_56081 · « **Reply #87 on:** April 11, 2009, 04:00:28 AM »

Quote from: JonnyC on April 11, 2009, 03:55:15 AM

I love the way some here label me as this or that ,without knowing who I really am just because I disagree with some of your opinions. I'm one of the few here who doesn't jump on the band wagon and what I get is labeled. But than again some of you can't bear to have opposing opinions- BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS CORRECT- well in your eyes anyway. LOL

I think I can label you a liberal scum after all the PM's you have sent me.

Hey heres another,

Q: Obama and an apple are in a tree, they both fall out which one hits the ground first?

A: The apple, a good rope will stop Obama before he hits the ground.

45-70.gov · « **Reply #88 on:** April 11, 2009, 12:26:24 PM »

Quote from: LONGTOM on April 10, 2009, 08:21:54 PM

This isn't really a joke about THE LIAR IN THE WHITE HOUSE, but it is about his people.

Three men were waiting in an airport lounge for their flight.
There was an american indian, a cowboy and a muslim.

Their flight was delayed and so the cowboy leaned his chair back on two legs and pulled his hat down over his eyes to get some rest.

After a while the indian struck up a conversation with the muslim.

He said "we were once many, now we are but few".

The muslim returned with you know "we were once few, but now we are many".
I wonder why this has come to be?

The cowboy spoke up in a soft but firm voice and said, "that's because we ain't played cowboys & muslims yet!

LONGTOM
.

DEE said::
material for a joke. Except it isn't funny. While I am not into openly telling some what racist jokes, I am not offended if others do. Unless they are about American Indians.
He

watch out tom dee will attack you next

victorcharlie · « **Reply #89 on:** April 11, 2009, 01:52:34 PM »

Wasn't is Holder who said we are cowards when it comes to race?

My guess is Holder enjoys a good pollack joke just like every body else.