Maybe I shouldn't take any credit for our long marriage, but if any is due, perhaps this story tells why.
When I was about 15, dad and I went over to a neighbors to set up all night with 'John' who had had a stroke, and was being tended by his wife 24/7. We went of coarse so she could get some sleep. (This was a common practice back then, rather than imprisoning old folk in hospitals and homes. Surrounding neighbors took turns helping. Only men could set up with John because he was dangerous, yet his wife tended him anyhow.) Before retiring, Mrs, Gash, the only name I ever heard for her, chatted a while to unwind from the grind, as John was mean as a tiger most of the time. She told us. "We've never had much and cream was the only thing we ever sold from the farm for income. But if we only had a pint of cream to sell and I wanted it to cook with, John would bring it in without a question." My dad was stingy with my mother, and I liked Mrs. Gashes story, knowing this attitude which John had carried all his life was mainly what made their strong bond. I adopted that attitude with my wife, giving her anything she wanted if we could scrape up the money. (Mrs Gash, though very healthy when the stroke happened, died about 2 years ahead of John. She gave her life tending him.)
I know that wouldn't work with most women, but Judy came from one of the poorest families in the county we lived in. She carried herself royally and dressed like a queen with cast off clothing, which is all she had ever had till we married. The family of 12 lived on the garden and poached venison, as her dad was too ill to work by age 50, and he married at 30! She has never taken advantage of my freeness, but has given a lot more than I to our relationship.
Want to hear about a peach of a mother in law? She strongly influenced Judy to marry me, saying that I was a real nice guy, and she never changed that thinking till the day she died, at 80 years. She spoke angry words at me only once in all those years, and that was the morning after Judy died in 1998, and was raised to life again when I begged God for her life. Her mother 'KNEW' whenever one of her kids was in trouble, which is why she called me early the next morning and gave me a raking over for not telling her Judy was bad, and I dearly loved every word of it. She didn't ask how Judy was when she called, she just started raking me over for not letting her know! She was that sure that Judy had been in serious trouble!
Without deserving it, I have been honored beyond discription by two wonderful ladies.
