When did marriages start becoming so fragile?

[Questor]

I'm 51 and grew up during the time when it became OK for couples to get divorces. My understanding is that marriages used to be more permanent, or  at least there was some stigma against divorce. Today it seems like I'm in the minority of people who are raising kids with both parents at home, married, and intimately involved in child rearing.

What was it like for people growing up in the 50s? What caused it to be OK for marriages to dissolve so easily? Do you think it's better this way? Or was it better the other way?

[Graybeard]

No I don't think it's better.

I think what brought it on is both husband and wife working rather than the wife staying home taking care of the kids, TV/movies and the lack of values they bring into the home, drugs and the drug culture. It's all had a negative effect on morals and led to a lack of commitment to stay together when times get tough. Today "until death do us part" really means until I get tired of you and decide to go my separate way.

[1NEFsofar]

Amen!!!

(19 years and counting)

[Questor]

1NEFsofar:

Me too. 20 next June.

[blind ear]

The country wanted a more mobile society to fill all the employment nitches. Laws were made more liberal to allow easier dissolution of unions. It serves the "good of the nation". Corporations expect a person to be mobile to meet the companys needs. Family doesn't mean much to an entity with the soul and compassion of a great white shark. eddiegjr

[45-70.gov]

no  need  to stay  together  any  more

split  up .......the family is  intitled  to  more government  hand  outs

this  is  good  for  government  and  encoraged  by  government

because  split  up  familied  are   more  depentent  on government

all  one  has  to do  is look at  what  government has done to many black families

i  do not  mean  to sound  racist as  it  does  happen  in all  of america
 and  i see  this  as  a form  of  an enabler........like  bailing  out  a drunk family  member
let them  fall  down

[FourBee]

I'm 51 and grew up during the time when it became OK for couples to get divorces. My understanding is that marriages used to be more permanent, or  at least there was some stigma against divorce. Today it seems like I'm in the minority of people who are raising kids with both parents at home, married, and intimately involved in child rearing.

What was it like for people growing up in the 50s? What caused it to be OK for marriages to dissolve so easily? Do you think it's better this way? Or was it better the other way?

The cause is man's sinful nature.  And its been growing worse ever since Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit.

[Old Syko]

Plain and simple folks began to have it way too easy.  There was a time when once married you became a team and had to work together to make ends meet.  In today's society of "I deserve it because I want it" most figure they have no need for teamwork.  If you don't like something or just plain get tired of it, toss it and move on.  

I'm 55 and been married to the same woman for 37 years.  I know what it takes to live right.  Besides when we got married we took a vow to stay that way until death and her aim ain't worth spit.

[Sweetwater]

Agree with the "both working and dilution of family values"

I turned 60 a week ago. When I was 6, Mom and Dad were seperated, though we kids never knew for nearly 30 years. They both consulted lawyers and were told the same thing. They didn't have grounds for divorce. They could create grounds by being adulterous, but no grounds presently existed. Not wanting to be adulterous, they reconciled, got baptized and rejoined the Christian community.

Sometime after that, the institution of "irreconcilable differences" was born and the time of "fragile marriages" began. I've been through two divorces and was the cause of one and the result of the other. Not fun, but both would not have happend in the 50's...

Seems like when God was taken out of the school, He was removed from a lot of households, also.

Regards,
Sweetwater

[45-70.gov]

i  was  and  am  the  alpha person  in  my  family

i  would  have  made  things  work  out  but  she was free  to leave

when  i was  introduced to laweres  and  judges  who  thought  they  were  the alpha  male

then  there  was  a  war  and   i had  to  espablish  my  position

I  DID,,,,,,,,but  at  a big  loss  to  all


LAWERES  AND  JUDGE  DON'T  KNOW  THE HARM  THEY CAUSE

[Sweetwater]

i  was  and  am  the  alpha person  in  my  family

i  would  have  made  things  work  out  but  she was free  to leave

when  i was  introduced to laweres  and  judges  who  thought  they  were  the alpha  male

then  there  was  a  war  and   i had  to  espablish  my  position

I  DID,,,,,,,,but  at  a big  loss  to  all



LAWERES  AND  JUDGE  DON'T  KNOW  THE HARM  THEY CAUSE

RIGHT ON!!! and Amen!!

Regards,
Sweetwater

[The Hermit]

At 74, I've seen a lot. In all cases of divorce, it's the kids that loose when adults screw up.
GB hit the nail on the head. I noticed that when both parents had to work, the family unit suffered.
Years ago it was a matter of pride and responsibility to stay in a marriage through thick and thin. Both sets of my grandparents never had problems with "affairs" to deal with and just keeping it all together providing food shelter and love, made them strong. Learing to live with what you need is also the key.
Jumping the fence with the neighbor's wife is not worth the destruction it often brings to both families.
God, I woulda made a fair preacher, don't ya think?


     The Hermit

[Redtail1949]

the 60s' with make love not war..love the one your with (that nite) flower power drugs and lets not forget womens liberation and the push to get them out of the home and into the work place.

all of it played a big role in the deteriation of the family structure. I do believe that there are many reasons for a divorce and all are legit. it just should not be treated as if your are going to the store to echange a bad gallon of milk.

in all divorces the children are the ones that suffer because in their minds niether mom or dad oare bad and they could do no wrong. so they have a hard time getting a grasp of it.

[teamnelson]

The year I married 12 of my fellow Marines also got married; today my wife and I are still together, and all the rest are divorced. Now that I'm a Chaplain I spend the majority of my time trying to help marriages stay together, or dealing with the mess when it doesn't. My folks were each married 4 times. I hate divorce.

Some reasons?
- Parents not raising men and women.
- Parents not modeling commitment.
- Pastors not preaching God's Word, and letting people off easy.

I could blame government, corporations, free love and aliens, but I think its a lot closer to the home where the change needs to happen.

[kitchawan kid]

43 yrs with the same woman,give me a little more time and I'll let you know.

[torpedoman]

blame the courts for making it easy you used to have a cause to justify divorce besides i changed my mind, I found a younger gal (guy) someone had to do something wrong to justify it but today you just walk away. In made my wife a promise if she had and raised the kids i would take care of her as long as i was able and that was 47 yrs ago last week. I still have every intention of keeping my word.That promise was made when your word was your bond.

[GH1]

I don't know if women in the workplace is much of a factor.  Both my parents and grandparents worked  & there were no divorces involved.  I think my of it has to do with an increase in self centeredness and a general feeling of entitlement prevalent in today's world.  Many people feel they are the center of the universe and there is nothing greater than themselves.    Vows of any sort mean nothing in today's world.   It's a sorry state indeed and I have no idea how to fix it, or if it even can be.
GH1

[Mohawk]

  Technology. It was often too difficult or inconvienent to arrange an affair or other deceptive measure on your spouse before cell phones, text messaging, internet, etc......  Not that it never happened before these inventions but technology sure does make it easier to prove and investigate. You can even file for divorce online!! In past times a spouse would need to be pretty wealthy to obtain the amount of evidence to justify a lengthy discovery divorce full-blown trial. But today, many needs someone looked for in an attorney or PI are no longer needed. A few hours on the internet and you save thousands upon throusands. The internet alone provides thousands of contacts, ultimately opposite sex temptations, to men and women. Not like just the folks people met on a day to day basis at the local store or place of employment in decades past. Thats my take......

[jimster]

This is a good topic, wish this would come up more often in the main stream media, because I think one of the things that contributes to our country getting torn apart is the loss of the family and family values. Lots of good replies here and I agree with all of them. Marriges go through lots of stages, seems people get lazy and don't try to keep things alive.  Guilty of being lazy myself over some of the years but no more. People want something new and when that relationship reaches a certain stage, they start over again.  They just don't get it and lots of them wind up alone in the end and poorer to boot.  Not to mention what it does to the kids sometimes. 
So if you don't have anything better to do tonight, leave your spouse a note somewhere in the house and let her know you love her more than ever. 
Cause nobody else is going to put up with you for very long.   

[DDZ]

How long does the average marriage last today in America? Six or seven years and almost half of those end within three years. “Till death do us part” might as well be changed to “Till something better comes along”.  Obviously the till death do us part doesn’t mean anything to many couples 
   Instead of trying to strengthen our marriages, we have opted for an easier way. We simply redefine the family to fit our marital failures and out-of-wedlock births. The relentless pursuit of freedom, and abandonment of personal commitment has produced the pathetic condition of families today in America. Close nit families bind together not only individuals but society in general. Our society is a picture perfect reflection of America’s divorce rate and unhealthy families.  Children are the ones hurt the most from divorce, it kind of changes their life forever. A child raised in a home with a Mother and Father has a much better chance in life then a child coming from a broken family. Broken families really fail at making human beings human. Just look at some of the product that comes from single parent homes. Not even mentioning the children with two daddies or two mommies.
I guess some people don’t see their children as God’s children. If they did they would do everything they could to raise them the way God meant them to be raised.  God meant for a man and a women to be bonded together as one flesh, and this bond was to be so strong that it could only be broken by death. It’s a shame that many do not end in death, and as a result our society will continue to crumble.

My wife and I have been married 32 years. Three years ago at age 48 she had a severe brain hemorrhage due to an AVM. Up until this time she was as healthy as anyone. She came very close to dying, but the surgeons were able to save her. The result was she was left with a damaged brain and can not care for herself. She spent one year in a nursing home, (which was like hell for her and me) then I was able to get her home. She has to have someone with her all the time including while I’m at work. From the time I got a call at work saying she was rushed to the emergency room, until about a year after, was the hardest time of my life. Not so much for me, but too watch my wife suffer was the hardest, bar none. To say the least my life has changed tremendously since Sept. 25, 2006.  God has blessed our lives with two wonderful sons and two beautiful grandchildren. The good that has become of this is that I still have my wife to keep me company, and I love her more than ever.               

[Sourdough]

My first wife and I was married four years.  When the pipeline came along and she went to work, making three times the money I did in the military, I was no longer needed.  She packed my bags and told me to leave.

A year later I remarried a Service Woman, she works and makes as much as I do.  I'm retired and she still works.  We have now been married 32 years, and counting.  During those 32 years a bond has grown that I don't think will ever be broken.  We think alike, we have the same thoughts at the same time.  If something happens to her I feel it, and know it when it happens.  If something happens to me, she feels it.  Skyler says it's spooky how we are so attuned to one another.

I think it is more attributable to the life style people now live.  In the past many men and women had affairs.  Most men either kept it well hidden, or the wife put up with it.  The women had to keep it well hidden, society would not tolerate it.  Today, society tolerates it more, but it often is used as an excuse to move on to greener pastures.  Why not all their friends are doing it.

[Heavy C]

I don't know if women in the workplace is much of a factor.  Both my parents and grandparents worked  & there were no divorces involved.  I think my of it has to do with an increase in self centeredness and a general feeling of entitlement prevalent in today's world.  Many people feel they are the center of the universe and there is nothing greater than themselves.    Vows of any sort mean nothing in today's world.   It's a sorry state indeed and I have no idea how to fix it, or if it even can be.
GH1

I would agree with this and a lot of what has already been said.  The more this country drifts away from God and the church, the traditional family, and more into technology we will continue to see this trend grow.  As a financial coach I see a lot of couples that are self-centered putting their personal needs before the family.  This issue is made worse by keeping seperate finances.  Very frustrating working with folks like that because they can't wrap their mind around teamwork.

[beerbelly]

Women went to work and got their own money and car. Then they would rather sleep around than be tied to one man. The women's lib thing it's my body and I can do what I want with it and that includes sleeping with any one I want. In short they are mostly sluts! Not all but like that soap 99 & 44/100%.
                                Beerbelly

[LONGTOM]

I can't add an answer to this one as my wife and I have been married over 25 years and we dated 7 years prior to our marriage.
Neither one of us ever dated anyone else since our first date.
Believe it or not we have never had an argument over anything.

I am sure in most cases all of the above answers are correct but I will add one that I think may be important also.
It goes back to what my GRANDFATHER always said about having dealings with a person---"A MAN'S WORD IS HIS BOND, IF HE WON'T HONOR THAT THEN HE IS NOTHING"!!!
When you get married you give your word and for me, I stake my reputation on my word, both in business and in my marriage.

I am sure there are legit reasons to split, but most just don't want to live up to honoring their word.


LONGTOM

[Sourdough]

My wife Michelle was a service woman when we got married.  When we got married I took over all the finances, she was happy to let me have all the headaches. 

Then when I was sent to Turkey, she was forced to run her own finances.  I took all of my income and left the country.  I wanted her to have to live on her income instead of our combined income.  I made a heck of a lot more than she did and she had never wanted for anything after we got married, together we made more than we needed to live comfortably.

Once she established herself, and learned to budget, to live within her means, she began to like making her own decisions.  When I came back from overseas she wanted to keep her financial independence.  It did not work that way, but she liked the idea.  When I had my heart by-pass Michelle took over all our finances, and I was OK with that for the first few years.  Then when I wanted to get back into the finances she did not want to let go.  She liked it that what was her was hers, and what was mine was hers too.  That did not go over with me too well.  About that time we paid off our home, so combined finances were no longer a big issue.  I took most of my income to the Credit Union, she moved most of hers to another credit union.  We left enough in the bank account to cover the Electric and fuel oil accounts.  Other than that I spend my money on what I want, she spends hers on what she wants. 

32 years and counting.  I'm 60, she is 53.  I have to behave, she shoots better than I do.  I'm so abused 

[Yankee1]

Hello All
   I m 76 she is 73 and we have been married 53 years.
I married her when she was 19 and often tell her I had to marry her at that age before she got older and knew better than to marry me.
We have 4 daughters, 12 grandsons, 3 granddaughters,4 great grandsons, and 2 great granddaughters so far.
We get along together very well. We both like hunting, fishing, shooting and working at home on things in our shops.
                                        Yankee1

[blind ear]

Back to the dark ages.

Early America through World War I: Agrarian society and need for mutual and family support. Shifting to industrial and heavy industrial with the advent of the automobile. The need for mobility/independence and the means. The automobile for mobility and independence and multiple incomes that created the independence of individual automobiles.

 Now:The decrease in manufactureing and the shift to finance as the primary corporate and political measure of the "economy". They don't need us to make much products any more, just consume products. What position will people be relegated to now? We are moving back to where it take multiple incomes to sustain a houlehold.

 A little Orwellian. eddiegjr

[williamlayton]

Anybody ever heard of grass root widows?
I think the history of the world discounts any falling apart of our society, in this respect.
It is more public today and marriages are shorter than in the first half of our century.
People lived shorter lives in past days in this nation, mobility was not as great and opportunity not as great.
Lot of reasons---- Marriages survive because of hardheadedness and pure meanness .
Blessings

[Graybeard]

Women went to work and got their own money and car. Then they would rather sleep around than be tied to one man. The women's lib thing it's my body and I can do what I want with it and that includes sleeping with any one I want. In short they are mostly sluts! Not all but like that soap 99 & 44/100%.  Beerbelly

Seems a rather warped sense of reality to me. For every woman "sleeping around" there must be a man to do it with her. In fact I suspect more men are than women it just seems society accepts that better. You can't possibly believe 99.44% of women are unfaithful if so that would me something more than 100% of men are and neither statistic is remotely close.

[bobg]

  My first wife and i were married 10 years. In her eyes everything i did was wrong. I put up with this for 10 years before i packed my stuff and left. A year later i remarried. We were married 28 years when she passed away with problems from a heart transplant.
     bobg