Brithunter,
I shoot the same caliber and bullet and took my first deer with it this fall.
My rifle is a superlight Featherweight Winchester. I only shoot 3 at a time, and let the rifle cool.
Remington cases, Hornady 95 gr. SST bullet, IMR 4350 powder, and Federal 210 primers.
I use 40.3 grains of powder, and COL is 2.80". I adjusted the FL die to neck size only (did the blackened case neck trick).
My rifle is capable of 3 shot groups less than 1/2" at 100 yards, but it is fussy about copper fouling, barrel temperature, etc, and operator error
This is a free floated, pillar bedded rifle with a Zeiss scope, but it will shoot 2" groups unless the barrel is cold and the shots are between no. 10 and no. 45 after copper removal and cleaning.
My load is slow and weak, as it is a starting load. However, the damage on deer was incredible. Shot at 30 -40 yards, the bullet opened already in the hide - or while passing through it, blew 1.5-2" holes in the ribs on both sides (the exit ribs were torn in an oval shape, 1"x2.5"), and turned the lungs into a liquid. I did not find the bullet, and did not look for it, i am not even sure if it exited, exulted as i was by my first kill. I would prefer that the bullet did not exit, as i hunt among homes.
Your handloads do seem waaay too long to me, you may get better results with less COL and less powder - 43 grains is somewhat maximum, and you may be pushing it too far if your bullets are lodged into the lands and the powder charge is so great. I don't think there is a way around it: you need to start at 40 grains, and go in 0.3 grain increments to 43 grains. I kept the COL unchanged at 2.82", and them realized that groups opened with longer COl and shrank with COL of 2.80. Your mileage may vary.
Oh, and another thing: i completely went nuts when the 6mm and the 7x57 did not shoot right this fall - until i realized that i had mixed different batches of cases. So, i suggest to make sure that all cases come from the same batch.
Another option would be to find and load some of the Tubb's Final Finish lapping bullets. That would take out of the picture the possibility of a rough bore (i probably will do that on my rifle).