Squib, if your talkin about kickin doors, no. I never typed a search warrant that I didn't find what I was lookin for. I always checked and rechecked my sources (informants) and if my gut caused me to be uncomfortable I didn't do the warrant.
I have disciplined officers for using too much force, and a few times for not using enough. I treated everyone like I wanted to be treated, and honestly did my best every day.
I have sat hours on a call out when my guys were wore out, and wanted to breach the door, and I told'em that, as long as everyone was still talkin, and not shootin, I'd let'em talk. 99.9% of the time I was lucky and everyone walked out with a few bumps and bruises.
I've seen root canals with shotguns, seen blue jeans turned to confetti with the owner inside, and picked up train accidents in small cardboard boxes. I've seen folks so messed up their families couldn't id them, and I've stood on porches at 3 in the morning ringin the door bell, and dreding the door opening.
I've felt bad, and I have felt the absolute hopeless feeling associated with a suicide, and I've stood at the side of a fallen officer and wondered why the lid on his coffin was open when it shouldn't have been.
But felt like the bad guy? Never!
I have many times felt like the "only" guy. And many times I was.
You did what you did, because you were told to do it. That's what soldiers do, just like many times that's what cops do. I signed up. You signed up. Just shut the door, and don't open it up any more than necessary.
I have an uncle whom in WWII was in on the invasion of the Philippines. He has 2 Purple Hearts, and seven Bronze Stars. He's 85 years old, was a Baptist Preacher in his later years. He isn't bitter. I have a 1st Cousin that I grew up with. He was a Marine in Vietnam. He had three helicopters shot out from under him. He came home and raised a family, and is happy, but disabled.
We all put these things behind us. They changed us, but they didn't ruin our lives.
As far as sin not washing off? Yes it does. Christ saw to that, long before you were born. But you have to forgive yourself first, and let him do the rest. And I did say "Let Him do the rest".