Author Topic: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange  (Read 1433 times)

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Offline Questor

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I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« on: January 04, 2010, 03:38:40 PM »
I met a woman who is getting a divorce because her husband is addicted to porn. I'm not sure why or how it got so bad they are getting a divorce, but I've never heard of this sort of thing.
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Offline pastorp

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2010, 03:55:09 PM »
Actually Questor, it is very common. Most are just in the closet with it. As a pastor I half to deal with this from time to time. It's like any other addiction, when the spouse finds out it causes discord because trust has been broken. It is emotional adultry, and when acted on becomes physical.

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Byron

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Offline Swampman

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2010, 04:00:47 PM »
It's the spiritual adultry that really concerns me.
"Brother, you say there is but one way to worship and serve the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it? Why not all agreed, as you can all read the Book?" Sogoyewapha, "Red Jacket" - Senaca

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Offline Questor

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2010, 04:01:24 PM »
That's amazing. I never would have guessed this. I guess I'm old fashioned about this sort of thing: If I was out to ruin my marriage, I'd at least have the moxie to search out the real thing.
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Offline pastorp

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2010, 04:13:21 PM »
Swampman thats true concerning our relationship with God but he was talking about a marriage relationship. Porn addiction, left to itself, will ruin all our relationships. It's one of the cancers eating away at the morality of America.

Regards,
Byron

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Offline Questor

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2010, 04:19:57 PM »
I realize that you're being serious about this, but it seems slightly humorous, like someone drowning in his sink while washing dishes. It's just hard to believe it would escalate to a serious level.

Here's one anecdote I like to repeat about  my self. Not very racy, but it's funny:
After my wife turned 50 she got a free copy of the AARP magazine. I was tired and flipping through it mindlessly one night just checking it out and I found myself stopped at one page that I just stared at for a while without realizing I was staring. After I actually focused on the page and realized what I was looking at it was a picture of an attractive gray haired woman in her early 60s, I would guess. It seemed like an odd thing to do and I snapped myself out of it by telling myself that if I I'm going to stare at pictures of women in a magazine, shouldn't I be looking at Playboy instead of through a magazine for retirees?
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Offline Sourdough

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2010, 06:11:15 PM »
Questor:  Was this attractive gray haired woman wearing a bikini or scantily clad?

I have known of a few cases where the woman claimed the husband was addicted to porn, or sex.  My own opinion, having known both parties in one couple, she was unhappy after the marriage and she was looking for anything to get out and be back to her own way of living.  The guy was no more addicted than any other male.  With her views on sex, or lack of, I'm surprised he took it that long.

What is Porn?  What is an addiction?  What some would consider porn, I would consider just pictures of attractive women.  My wife and I had words one night.  The TV was on and Victoria Secrets was having a fashion show.  I was sitting in the corner reading a book, Skyler and Eric had been watching TV.  The show they were watching went off so Sky and Eric went outside, leaving the TV on.  This fashion show had came on and I had not even noticed.  I was sitting there comfortably engrossed in my book when suddenly the wife started yelling at me for watching Porn in front of the boys.  Darn, I did not even know what she was talking about.  So I started watching and saw it was a fashion show.  Looked interesting so I put my book down.  That started WWIII.  She kept calling it porn, I said the important parts were covered so it was not porn.  The war continued.  Took about a week for a truce to be worked out.

Also what some people would consider an intense like for something, someone else would consider it an addiction.  Our love for guns, some would consider that an addiction.  To some others it would be considered an unhealthy addiction and we should have therapy.  Personally I like my addiction and I want to keep it, the heck with the therapist.  I like Playboy and Penthouse too, but I'm not addicted to them.
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Offline pastorp

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2010, 06:30:54 PM »
Sourdough, the real tragdey with and adiction to hard core porn is that it controls you and many times because it's done in secret, the family members who have the least control over themselves become abused. It's called incest.

If you can take or leave that magazine your not adicted. If your such a Alaska expert you should know how village life goes for the young girls and in many cases the boys as well. Thats where a porn adiction leads to many times. In it's worst form it even leads to murder.

This is a very real problem in most Alaska minority communities. And is more widespread in white america than we will admit. Sorry guys but this is no joking matter for the helpless 8 year old, fearing when her uncles come to visit.

Regards,
Byron

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Offline Graybeard

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2010, 06:38:46 PM »
I dunno for sure but I don't think there is any direct correlation between porn and pedophilia at least not so long as it's adult women being looked at in the porn.

I think too many folks are confusing adults who are sexually attracted to kids and men who are attracted to women. Ain't even remotely similar.


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Offline torpedoman

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2010, 06:44:01 PM »
My wife turned on and watched the Victorias secret thing a couple of weeks ago, did'nt even get upset
when i asked if they came stuffed from that place. Someone needs a new sense of humor.
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Offline pastorp

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2010, 06:53:08 PM »
Graybeard, all kinds of porn is available some legal some not. We have every age group from children to adults affected. Most of it takes place while under the influnce of drugs & alcohol.

Regards,
Byron

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Offline Sourdough

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2010, 10:41:13 PM »
Pastorp:  I remember Pedophiles doing their thing back when I was a kid, long before porn was readily available.  Back up in the hills where I grew up as a small kid there was no porn, yet we still had Pedophiles.  Once they were found out, they just quietly disappeared.   

As for the problem in the Alaska Villages, that problem existed long before there were computers to bring porn into the villages.  Before computers porn was not readably available in the bush.

Those people (Pedophiles, Rapist, Child Molesters) are Social Deviants, why they got that way, or what caused them to be that way, I have my own ideas.  But I do not believe porn caused it.  Alcohol, drugs, leaving the village, not able to make it in the big city.  Not being able to fit in causes them to go back to the village, their comfort zone.  Taking their new found vices with them.  Once back in the village their personalities are too weak to stand up to anyone but children.  Porn may be a symptom, but not the cause.

I spent 20 years in the military.  Porn was rampant in the barracks, young men, first time away from home, full of testosterone, differant moral climate.  Non of the men in my barracks were ever pedophiles, or rapist.  Now there were a few pedophiles and rapist caught on base, but they were all married men, living in housing or off base.  Plus in the culture back then anyone caught doing those things, would not have lasted long enough to have made it to Ft Levenworth anyway.  Accidents happen.   
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Offline Swampman

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2010, 11:42:57 PM »
Perhaps if the wife showed some interest in sex then the husband might be less interested in porn.
"Brother, you say there is but one way to worship and serve the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it? Why not all agreed, as you can all read the Book?" Sogoyewapha, "Red Jacket" - Senaca

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Offline williamlayton

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2010, 01:17:09 AM »
Man has a basic need and this need can deviate, corrupt in many ways.
I can say with frankness, that I was addicted to porn many years ago. It was my viagra, my high.
I felt it was just stimulation--but it really was more than that. It was my mind seeking satisfaction, a satisfaction that my body could not/cannot provide.
I realize that it was a spiritual bondage and the spirit was the one seeking satisfaction. The spirit seems to want a flesly satisifaction which is not attainable. The spirit is spirit and the body is flesh and there is seperation. Paul speaks of this in ways that each must come to terms with.
When things get too this point there is NO satisfaction. It is likened to the addict's continual search for the original high experiences--but that high cannot be duplicated and probably never exhisted.
Mental satisfaction cannot be attained in physical reaction. The mind knows what it wants (the spirit), but cannot find a physical completness.
Porn only offers mind games--no satisfaction. It wants and wants but cannot gain.
These things lead to all kinds of deviations in search of physical release but can never duplicate the release desired.
The mind just fools with it, it cannot be satisfied.
I do believe that this is a spirit from outside gaining or attempting to gain control, another spirit.
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Offline yellowtail3

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #14 on: January 05, 2010, 02:55:00 AM »
Wife leaving her husband because of 'porn addiction'? Maybe.

I suspect there's more to it than that. More likely - and I'm pretty comfortable in this speculation - more likely she's already unhappy in the marriage, and this gives her a point of attack, and a feeling of moral superiority/righteousness. It gives her a martyr's cloak to wear, deflecting attention from the fact that she's abandoning her marriage, the one that she promised to stay in.

She probably doesn't have sex with her husband often, and now... can sniffle, and say that 'he has chosen porn over me!' as she talks to her lawyer, who plots how to extract from her husband as many dollars as he can.

That's my speculation.
Jesus said we should treat other as we'd want to be treated... and he didn't qualify that by their party affiliation, race, or even if they're of diff religion.

Offline gypsyman

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2010, 04:45:32 AM »
I'm with yellowtail3 on this. More to just the porn thing for her excuse. You can turn the tv on anytime of day, and see commercials on womens underware, feminine products, erictile disfunction, making a man bigger in that special area, condoms ads. Their putting stuff on tv now, that wouldn't have been in an R rated movie 30 years ago. What is one persons porn, is another's art. gypsyman
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Offline Brett

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #16 on: January 05, 2010, 05:00:54 AM »
Speaking of TV adds.  Anyone else bothered by the trashy advertising that permeates just about all television programing these days?   I'll be watching an innocent show about fishing or travel or something with my 10yo daughter and next thing I know a commercial for an ED drug or some cologne/perfume ad with half naked young people sucking face and caressing each other pops up.   :-[ :-[ :-[.

My daughter usually doesn't ask any questions about these commercials but heck she's got eyes and ears, and she's not stupid, she must be thinking something when she sees these types of commercials. What do you say to your kids?  Do you just try to ignore it or do you try to explain this crap to your kids, do you wait for them to ask questions, or what?   ??? ???   
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Offline bearmgc

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #17 on: January 05, 2010, 05:10:42 AM »
There's many different kinds of porn, some with violent sadomasichistic content, some with slow incorporation of younger and younger girls, kiddie porn. It is not uncommon for porn addicted people to slowly progress into other kinds of porn. Yes, there IS a correlation between heavy porn use and crimes against women, girls, children. Re-enactment of porn content is part of the progression of addiction. If a woman finds porn with violent content, among her husband's magazine collection, it can be shocking to learn that her man enjoys looking at the degredation of women and young girls, and reflects on his attitudes about relationships with women. The brain doesn't just compartmentalize. It incorporates what it takes in on a regular basis. Anyone who denies this is just deluding themselves.

Offline williamlayton

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #18 on: January 05, 2010, 06:34:25 AM »
Santan loves you to deny and will provide the excuses.
Blessings
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Offline yellowtail3

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #19 on: January 05, 2010, 06:37:35 AM »
Santan loves you to deny and will provide the excuses.
Blessings
who is Santan, and what is it she loves? Excuses for... what? Bailing out of a marriage, and blaming porn?

more info, please...
Jesus said we should treat other as we'd want to be treated... and he didn't qualify that by their party affiliation, race, or even if they're of diff religion.

Offline bearmgc

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2010, 06:44:20 AM »
Santan loves you to deny and will provide the excuses.
Blessings
who is Santan, and what is it she loves? Excuses for... what? Bailing out of a marriage, and blaming porn?

more info, please...

Problem making the connections....concrete thinker? Some folks are. WillLayton is adding to my statements on scientific research done on heavy porn use. Scientific research has also shown, that denial is the primary component of ALL addictive behaviors.

Offline Sourdough

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #21 on: January 05, 2010, 07:47:23 AM »
Yellowtail and Gypsyman:  I think we are in agreement. 

I have seen marriages fail when the wife accuses the man of cheating.  Then you find out she has refused to have sex for the last five years.  She has become totally unresponsive, and is not the same woman he married.  He messes up by not ending it before it reaches the  point where he starts going out.
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Offline Sweetwater

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #22 on: January 05, 2010, 08:18:11 AM »
Yellowtail and Gypsyman:  I think we are in agreement. 

I have seen marriages fail when the wife accuses the man of cheating.  Then you find out she has refused to have sex for the last five years.  She has become totally unresponsive, and is not the same woman he married.  He messes up by not ending it before it reaches the  point where he starts going out.

That pretty well sums up my first marriage - 14years was too long to drag it out, then it was "ALL" my fault. It still ended....

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Sweetwater
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Offline pastorp

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2010, 10:02:13 AM »
Well I'm glad we got this all figured out. Just one other thought comes to mind. After Questors admission to making up the silk toilet papper statement on another of his posts I wonder if this is not another one of his mind games  ::) Just a thought. After all if a guy lies once..................He cannot be believed.

Regards,
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Offline Sourdough

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2010, 10:17:36 AM »
Sweetwater:  My first wife ruined two marriages with false accusations of an affair.  When the husband of an old girlfriend heard what my wife was saying, he put her on the street without a dime.  She was totally innocent, just as I was.  All because my Ex wanted her freedom.
Where is old Joe when we really need him?  Alaska Independence    Calling Illegal Immigrants "Undocumented Aliens" is like calling Drug Dealers "Unlicensed Pharmacists"
What Is A Veteran?
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America,' for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.' That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today who no longer understand that fact.

Offline Sweetwater

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2010, 01:30:47 PM »
Sweetwater:  My first wife ruined two marriages with false accusations of an affair.  When the husband of an old girlfriend heard what my wife was saying, he put her on the street without a dime.  She was totally innocent, just as I was.  All because my Ex wanted her freedom.

I used to tell my 1st wife three things:

1) Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.
2) If you lie long enough, you are bound to get someone to believe it.
3) Have mouth, can talk - doesn't make it the truth.

Sometimes I ask the Lord, "what is it that we (as a people) don't get"? The answer I receive is usually something along the line of "the bigger picture". We are a people of our own little worlds, I wants and I want it already! We are not patient to learn the truth and totally impatient when it comes to relationships. We want to do it our way on our own and not seek HIM and HIS wisdom. HE has done far better guiding my footsteps than I ever have. So, I rarely do anything anymore that I haven't sought HIS wisdom first.

Regards,
Sweetwater
Regards,
Sweetwater

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Offline lee1954

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2010, 05:03:08 PM »
May I chime in ????  The marrage was a wreck, and he turned to porn
 We had a class in sundayschool  - about porn --and the Paster said  --- Befor you woman get all your noses in the air  -- females reading paperback book -romanece novels about how "Mr. Right" is just the perfict lover -- is no different....
  Porn does for a man's brain about what hot kissing does   --- But there isn't very much hot kissing in our marrages is there? After we get married Us men throw romance out the window..
Isaac was sporting with Rebekah (Gen.26: 8 )   -most likely hot kissing ---and they were old, in there 90's...
Im not really religous,, But I think men are the head of the house --- And if we were more carring and loving to our wives, there would be less porn and romance novels  (Me included)                  Dan

Offline Cabin4

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #27 on: January 05, 2010, 06:49:41 PM »
One of my favorite shows is Pawn Stars. Does that mean I'm addicted?
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Offline Sweetwater

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #28 on: January 05, 2010, 06:51:32 PM »
Only if you can't miss an episode and can't change the channel and can't turn it off - THEN you are addicted...

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Sweetwater
Regards,
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Offline AtlLaw

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Re: I've heard of wrecked marriages before, but this one's strange
« Reply #29 on: January 05, 2010, 09:55:59 PM »
The TV was on and Victoria Secrets was having a fashion show.

watched the Victorias secret thing a couple of weeks ago,

Uh, guys... :-[  what channel is that show on?    :P

Now give me a break!   ::)  It's to cold to deer hunt!  ;D
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