Start ‘em early, start ‘em young. I eliminated this problem many years ago. When we were newly weds “shooting” was a frequent past time, mostly .22s and shotgun, but there were pistols when I could afford the ammo. As the kids came along they joined us, it wasn’t as often as I would have liked, but it was “quality time” and they were introduced to all kinds of guns, taught how to load and shoot as well as maintain them. Today my son is passing the same knowledge on to his wife and children, one daughter has a husband who shoots but she rarely joins him anymore, the other one will not allow a gun on her property. (Influncended by her husband who is the son of an Idaho hunting guide, gun shop owner and outfitter, you figure it out.)
As for the wife knowing how to load them, she does, but that should never be a problem for her, there are three loaded .357 revolvers, a .357 Sig and a shotgun loaded and readily available should she need top protect herself. Also, when we travel I always ensure the is a gun in the vehicle for her, it goes in the 5th wheel when we stop for the night.