Recoil is both subjective and objective. Objective means you and others can see it. Subjective means only you can perceive it or feel it. Very few contender barrels lack objective recoil. Even the .22LR kicks to a degree that can be seen by others. None of us have the ability to perceive or feel the subjectivity felt by the shooter.
Newton's law of motion comes into play here. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The ammo fires, the gun recoils. The gun recoils, the shooter attempts to tame recoil. The shooter attempts to tame recoil, the recoil reacts to shooters actions......da da da....
Grip strength, wrist strength, bicep strength, shoulder strength etc are all attempting to tame that recoil. Each of us will perceive that recoil differently depending on the strengths we have and actions we use to tame that recoil. There are also differences in gun grips, gloved hands vs ungloved, etc. Bullet acceleration, time of powder burn, time and position of pressure build within the action etc all play a role.
My 10" 357 Max when shot in my normal position will, upon recoil, bring my shooting arm up to almost a 45 degree position above firing position. My 30 Alaskan, when fired in my normal position, will drive that grip straight back into my wrist, forearm, shoulder, and whole body. It is painful and intense. From a distance someone would think the arm moving up from level to 45 degrees was a lot of recoil so the 357 Max had the most recoil. Someone up close would see the entire body soaking up the recoil from the 30 Alaskan and see the amount of recoil it generates. Each recoil is tamed in the manner necessary based upon the subjectivity and perceptions of the shooter. That same subjectivity and perception the shooter experiences is what triggers their conscious and unconscious reaction the next time the gun fires. They may not like the way they feel. We cannot see or feel how they feel. Well, if it is painful, we may be able to see them exhibiting signs of pain, but we cannot actually see the pain.
My dad can shoot full house loads in his 357 and in my .44. His 9mm semi-auto hurts him and he doesn't like to shoot it. Go figure.
Can't always categorize recoil by caliber........but most of the time......you can be pretty darn close. It only depends on you, the shooter.
Steve