Son in trouble.

[wind drift]

So  i get a call from my son's school today and his teacher tells me he has done several bad things.When i get there to pick him up i asked the teacher what he has done she tells me he called a boy there a green buger and stuck his tounge out at him.So she did not let him go out side for recess and he got mad and shook his fist at her and for that i whiped him tell he could not sit down but they were only worried about the name calling to me showing disrespect for the teacher should have been more  important than calling a kid buger they were actually talking about suspending him for name calling.

[Empty Quiver]

Well, you get an atta boy from me.

 Calling a school mate a green bugger?  Next thing you know he'll be staring at them askance, or giving them the stink eye.  What then a public flogging? Suspension used to involve blood as I recall from grade school.  These days a 3" plastic Army man gets you a prison sentence, so maybe I'm just old.

 If these were directed at the teacher, whole nother ballgame.  You have to learn to respect your elders.  I suppose if she had been warning him to cut it out all day, well then that goes back to respecting the teacher and her authority.  Make sure you are getting all of the story from both sides I suppose, but as it stands you did well.

[hunt-m-up]

Be careful or the next thing you know they'll be throwing the bully label on him. That's the latest and greatest trick they are using. My wife told me one girl in middle school "filed" a bullying complaint against another. I didn't even know that was something you could file. I think it goes much farther than the teacher though. I recall more than a few individuals being grabbed by the collar by the teacher and straightened out the right way when I was in school. I remember a bus driver carrying a paddle that looked like a small canoe paddle and he made sure the kids understood what it was for. Our legislators and administrators have taken away the teacher's ability to control the classroom and the new crop of teachers are being taught touchy/feely vs. learning the basics. No wonder many of the kids want everything handed to them and don't understand the value of work.
BTW--I would have handled it the same way you did, my daughter has a friend that I won't allow in the house because feels the need to mouth off to me.

[slim rem 7]

best nip it in the bud as barney would say..hes either gonna respect authority or not..
 a lot of that depends on how he reads your reaction to his wrong an the  punishment for it..
 he sounds easy to mold right now.. shape him up right daddy,or mama which ever the case is.. good luck slim....

[FWiedner]

Children need to learn to repect proper authority.

Explaining the situation so the the child understands any transgression and then applying some appropriate discipline for reinforcement is part of raising a child.  They've got to understand that actions have consequences.

I'm not criticizing anyone else or their choices in child rearing, but personally, I'd never consider beating on a child as a method of teaching them correct behavior.

 

[wreckhog]

Being labelled a discipline problem in school (no matter where it is directed) just puts a magnifying glass on him that makes it all that much easier to stamp him as violent in a couple of years, and sociopath a few years after that. I hear that about preschoolers. The world is a lot different than it used to be. Very easy to take him out of general ed and put him in a "special" school to protect him and those around him. Nip it in the bud, or it will follow him for the rest of his life. Good job whipping him. More parents should do that.

Regarding bullying, it is a big deal after those "mean girls" got the Irish girl that moved in on their boyfriends to suicide. Google Phoebe Prince.

[bobg]

  Yeah now the first thing you know someone will have you arrested for child abuse.

[dpe.ahoy]

Kids are jsut like any other young animal, they gotta be trained.  The world is outa control cause there is no respect for others or their belongings.  My kids know they can torment their mother into giving them what they want, don't even try it with me.  I love em like crazy, but if getting grounded, phone or computers taken away doesn't work, a couple of swats will change the attitude for a while.  If I spanked my kids like I got, I'd be locked up for child abuse.  Still loved the old man, and yes had a bit of fear of him as well.  Even then I understood what he was trying to do.  DP

[teamnelson]

He sure is in trouble ... he's operating under the influence of a pc teacher. Good job helping him understand what the real issue is!

[Dee]

My youngest boy is 27. Knowin what I know now, if I had it to do over again, I'd either send them to private school, or home school them. Our youth today doesn't stand a chance.

[wreckhog]

The world is different now. In the old days, people married sooner, birth control was not used as much and families popped out 4 kids no problem. If you screwed up a couple, no big deal, and you learned a lot by the time you got to the 4th one. Now, many folks have 1, and make mistakes on the practice kid, without ever getting a chance to apply what they learned to a 3rd or 4th. But it does focus them on that one kid, for good or bad.

[FWiedner]

My kids are 25 and 26.

Both are college graduates.  One is a magazine editor and one is a mathematician.

They both seem to repect me and are well able to determine whom else is deserving of their respect.

Maybe I just got lucky.

 

[Sweetwater]

Ya done good, Dad.

I have 5 kids; they are all different, with different personalities and different methods of molding them were required. One size just doesn't fit all. They are all in their 20's now, and their mom and I divorced when the oldest wasn't quite 7. I was the disciplinarian and I was raised the "old way". Dad's house - Dad's rules. Spare the rod - spoil the child. I do not agree with beating a child. I do believe an appropriate spanking can go a long ways to necessary correction. Unfortunately, our society does not allow parents to be parents, and we have at least one generation that proves that don't work very well. My kids all remember their last spanking and why they were spanked - and all flock to visit Dad when they can. They couldn't wait to hit 18 and be free of "mom", their very big sister. Dad was firm, but at least was always fair and had a reason for everything. My kids were raised by their partygirl mother, alcoholic grandmother, and I can't count the number of boyfriends and "uncles". I am amazed they turned out as well as they did. They aren't perfect by any stretch, but GOD is still working on them and I still have Faith in what HE can do. Two became Christians before they turned 18 and while spending summers with Dad. Two chose not to. We still have Faith and hope and pray for all of them - knowing what they are contending with in this decadent world we live in.

Kids need discipline and most kids seek discipline for necessary guidance. In absence of discipline, they are likely to revert to negative feedback - because at least it is attention. And they do need attention even when they are screaming to be left alone.

[GatCat]

While I will not suggest to another man how to raise his children, several points to ponder might be: How old is the child? What was the extent of the "whiping"? How often does he get "whiped"? Does other whipping happen in the household?
Some might argue that his raising his fist came about from behavior learned from watching adults...might does not necessarilly make right. Lots of things to consider. Good luck.
Mark

[nw_hunter]

I'm not criticizing anyone else or their choices in child rearing, but personally, I'd never consider beating on a child as a method of teaching them correct behavior.

 

Beating and spanking are two different things! Some children are stronger willed than others (Hard Headed) and require  sterner discipline than others. I know I did! My Dad spanked my rear when I needed it, and I needed it at times, although I didn't think so at the time.

Fear can be a good motivator.

[magooch]

So wind drift, what--there's no reform school in your area?  That boy of yours is obviously very troubled.  Calling someone a green buger and shaking his fist; what gets into these kids now days?  It's a good thing you handled it; if it'd been me, I'd have been laughing so hard the teacher would probably have called the cops on me.

No, I'd say you've got very little to be concerned about.  I think your son has spirit and initiative.  Be careful not to break him.  Of course he has to respect the teachers and authority, but they also have to earn that respect.  That would have been accomplished better by the teacher taking the boy aside and having a quiet little talk and that's as far as it should have gone.

I think back about my own beginnings in school.  I got in trouble for throwing blocks at other kids in kindergarten.  In second grade my teacher used a ruler across my hands on several occasions for talking and in third grade I shoved a kid's head through a fish aquarium.  I'm glad that was a long, long time ago.  

Anyway, I went on to be the class president and head of the school patrol.  I graduated from high school with nearly straight A's and from college with the same.  

From my perspective, your boy is showing promise.

[Old Fart]

My dear old father in law was a man who dropped out of school in the 6th grade.
He never hid the fact he had limited formal education.
He made his fair share of mistakes in life and in raising his kids.

Him and the mother in law had two kids early in life and a third about 12 years later.
By the timethe grandkids came around he had a pretty good feel for raising kids.
They were really hard on the first two and spoiled the oops child.
When the G'kids arrived he had some really good advice for us.

He always says you need to raise about three sets of kids to get it right.

[slim rem 7]

spanking an beating are two different things..one done in anger[beating] ..the other done as a benefit for the child[spanking].. ..the goal is correcting,,not venting your anger..parents are human..so wait until you are no longer angry ,to use corporal punishment,if its called for..
 my method .. establish the do s an don ts.. that way they know whats serious enough to warrant a spanking..then they set in thier room ,at least an hr.. contemplating thier deed ..then three appropriate licks on the bottom... if you try it ,i think you will find ,,you almost never have to use spanking in discipline of a child..
 now this.. parents ,always present an loving but united front to your children..our kids knew the one thing they didn t get away with ,was sassing thier mamma...that was something they knew i would not tolerate..
 kids are smart .,they ll devide an conquer ,if you let them..
 one other thing.. spanking is the last line as to discipline..time outs work well ,as do taking away priviliges..
 its a lazy parent that always goes to the physical punishment,too quickly..just what i learned in my parenting experience..slim..

[blind ear]

Wind Drift Have any of his teachers suggested he be tested for being attention deficite?

[wreckhog]

Beat because the kid was bad=good
Beat because you like to beat=bad

[FWiedner]

I'll agree that there are different levels of physical trauma caused by the application of different levels of physical force, but in most cases I don't see "spanking" as any different than "beating".  Conversely, I don't see a problem with applying a swat to the behind to help a child focus on the issue at hand.

In my mind I just don't see where e.g., a 200lb man can appropriately use physical blows to a 50lb child as an effective instrument of teaching, unless the kid is part of a project on healing from soft and connective tissue damage.

I guess my thought in not using that method of discipline on my children was that I didn't want to accidentally injure them.  I much preferred that they think about and understand their misbehavior rather than simply obeying arbitrary instructions.

I admit though, that there were plenty of times when I had to resort to "Because I said so".

 

[wreckhog]

Try picking up an egg without crushing it.

[FWiedner]

Try picking up an egg without crushing it.

Try picking up an egg with a hammer.

 

[Sweetwater]

Try reasoning with your child who has stepped into the path of a semi! Kids need to be taught blind obedience for their own good. When they have learned obedience is time enough to learn reasoning.
If they won't obey, they won't reason either. This happened to my pal. He and his wife were determined to raise their kids without corporal punishment of any kind, not even a raised voice. Didn't want to break their spirits. Well, the day came. Two of them stepped off the sidewalk, ignoring their Dad's command to stop, and the Semi skidded into them as they stomped and said, Why! Fortunately, the driver was paying attention and got stopped without going over them - just into them knocking them to the pavement - a few scrapes and bruises. Mom & Dad did some soul-searching and decided that hadn't been the best method. When #3 was born, a new set of rules was incorporated. The first two kids had gotten the message that day on the pavement. There is a reason and a time to teach obediance and it starts with the first diaper.

Try picking up an egg without crushing it.

Try picking up an egg with a hammer.

Trying cooking an egg in a paper bag over an open fire. It takes time, patience, a firm hand, a watchful eye and is doable. This was a Boy Scout exercise we learned as Junior Leaders - somewhat with kids - time, patience, a firm hand and a watchful eye. Let the hand go limp, the bag catches fire, lose your patience and the bag catches fire - anyway you drop your guard, the bag catches fire, you loose your lunch. Kids are far more important than eggs, and one method does not work for all of them. My wife is much better with eggs than I am, but we are both good with and for the kids. Her kids love me and my kids love her - and all 7 obey.

Jeff
NRA Life

[eye shot]

Ya give them a time out, that really works. After a while you say you want a time out and they just say yes. I see how it works with the grandaughters. They like time outs it gets them out of everything. As mother nature goes watch animals the mother bear, cat, dog and others will swat and nip to teach there offspring.

[BBF]

........... My kids know they can torment their mother into giving them what they want, don't even try it with me. ...............

 How do you resolve that??   You say NO  She says YES...


Years ago when mine were still young, they asked Mom for something. If it was a No, the little pests would come to me and ask the same thing hoping I would say  Yes and cover their butts that way.

I changed that into " Ask your Mom, if it is OK with her it is OK with me( In most cases).
Years later after a divorce I heard that my reply was interpreted by certain individuals as " Dad didn't care about us"

[BBF]

My youngest boy is 27. Knowin what I know now, if I had it to do over again, I'd either send them to private school, or home school them. Our youth today doesn't stand a chance.

                              Roger that!

[BBF]

The world is different now. In the old days, people married sooner, birth control was not used as much and families popped out 4 kids no problem. If you screwed up a couple, no big deal, and you learned a lot by the time you got to the 4th one. Now, many folks have 1, and make mistakes on the practice kid, without ever getting a chance to apply what they learned to a 3rd or 4th. But it does focus them on that one kid, for good or bad.

Adding to that problem is the single parent situation.

[DDZ]

Wind Drift, Your son was doing nothing wrong as far as the name calling. He was just being a kid. Shaking his fist at the teacher was out of hand. Children do need to respect adults, and what you did was correct. For the school to think about suspension for just calling someone a name like green buger or was it booger. Whatever it was the teacher should have just ignored it. The kid that was the recipient of the name calling just needs to grow some thicker skin. Thats one of the problems with society today. No one is taught at a young age to grow some thicker skin, and just ignore things if you don't like it. Everyone now is offended by every little thing people say, and a big fuss is made over it.

As far as spanking goes, that is another problem with kids today, they don't get spanked anymore. Look at how unruly schools are today. Teachers can't even think about spanking a kid in school. Its all about time outs. My Son and his wife have tried the time out stuff with the Grand kids. From what I have seen it don't work, and I will never be convinced that it does. They taught my Daughter-in-law in school that time outs work, so she thinks they do.
My Mom used to hit us with the washing stick, and Dad used his belt. I got hit on my butt and sometimes legs, and it never did any damage other than red marks. I'm very blessed to have the loving Mother and Father I have. The spankings were given out of love not hate, and that is the way the punishment should be given. 

[wreckhog]

My wife went to Catlick school. The Nones beat her hard enough that she still hates them. Nuff said.