GH1, it seems that everyone has assumed that you are casting these bullets. I don't see that in your post. The advice that you have recieved is good advice, if you're casting. If these are purchased bullets, that opens different doors. If you haven't slugged your barrel, and cylinders, I would recommend that you do so. The normal recommendation for bullet sizing is .001" above groove size. With revolvers you also have to consider the size of the throat of your cylinders. There's a balancing act between fitting snug in the cylinder throat(s) and fitting the barrel. There's a lot of good info on this site about that.
To answer your questions though, minor weight and length variations are acceptable for standard ammo use. I doubt that I would accept 3 to 4 thousanths length variations in my own casts. The fact that you have a leading problem points to undersize bullets for your gun. There are other possibilities, but you need a measurement of your gun's critical dimensions to tell for sure.
Sorry to be so long winded, hope this helps.