Just my 2 cts, but as to your wife, if she is very recoil shy, she should not be behind a 30-06. I'm not recoil shy but I do not enjoy shooting a 30-06 at the bench. We know in the field, you don't even notice recoil, but if she percives it hurts at the bench, she won't WANT to go hunting with it. Just pick her up a 30-30 or 243 (I find .243's all the time in the used gun rack). I enjoy shooting my 30-30 with 125 gr handloads. Don't push a woman into a caliber she is afraid of because she will not enoy it and will stop shooting period, and that would be a shame. She can have lots of enjoyment shooting if it is fun, So get a gun she enjoys and she will work up from there at her own pace. Even if she never goes beyond a .243, that caliber is capabile of doing much more than most people realize.
For your friend, I think you are on the right track. Maybe dropping down to 150 gr bullets may help even more. Less powder means less recoil also, so less of a faster burning powder will also help reduce the recoil. Hope he enjoys getting back into hunting. 44 Man