Sad and angry at the same time tonight

[scootrd]

Since my service days there have been a core group of us who have kept in touch over the last 20+ years. we were all very tight and though we are spread all over the country now , we all continued throughout the years to attend each others family weddings, baby christenings, milestone anniversaries , special events etc..

Tonight,  I call my old first Sargent (We were stationed in Korea together in the 80's and have stayed in touch ever since) to wish him and his wife a merry Christmas because I had tried to reach him on Christmas and received their home voice mail.

His wife answered and broke the sad news to me tonight , he has been diagnosed with dementia. I did my best not to break down myself on the phone when she was crying.

I told her tomorrow , I will start making the phone calls for her to notify the rest of our core group of military friends.
I hope to make the trip south to visit him one last time over the next few weeks.
Dementia is such a terrible disease as it robs you of all your memories , faculties and dignity.
I did get to speak with him briefly , He was slightly incoherent, and had a hard time staying on topic but he did manage to tell me tonight as it continues to progress he is determined to face it head on.

I just don't even have the words to finish this post and express what I am feeling right now....

Semper Fi

[Old Fart]

Really sorry about this situation.
I'll say a prayer of comfort for all concerned.
It is a terrible thing.

[Sourdough]

I just finished spending a lot of time with my Dad, he has Dementia.  Has had it for five years now.  He does not know his own grandchildren.   The night I walked into his room at the nursing home, he knew me instantly.  I noticed that if we talked about things that happened within the last 1 to 15 years, he was not sure, or did not have a clue.  But when I talked about things that he and I did 20 to 40 years ago he remembered every detail.  He came to spend a week with me in Pheonix back in the mid 70s.  I took him out into the dessert on horse back.  Dad even remembered the little ideosencryces of the horse I put him on.  He remembered spending the night in the cave above the Salt River, and my horse taking us to water in the Superstitions.

This may help you with your friend when you go to visit.  Don't try and talk about recent events, try talking about things that happened years ago.  It may be more productive.  Mom says Dad can not remember nothing, but he sure remembered a lot when he was talking to me.  Rog

[Rol Page]

First Thank You and all your comrades for Serving the United States.  Having seen my Mother pass with dementia, and being her primary care giver for the last three months, I can share your sadness.
 
In these difficult times we must trust in God and have faith that better times are ahead, although we do not have details to comfort us.
 
I will keep you in my prayers.

[powderman]

Prayer sent for all concerned. POWDERMAN. 

[oldandslow]

I can understand how you feel. I watched my mother live with it for over seven years. It took about three months for her to go from "forgetting" to not knowing anyone or even where she was. During that time she recogized and called me by my name three times and recognition only lasted several seconds. Then she was back to thinking she was a young girl. When her great great grand daughter was born we had a five generation picture taken. She loved the cute little baby but had no idea who she or any of the rest of use were.

It's a hard thing but I believe it's worse for the ones that have to watch. The one with dementia are confused but don't really realise what has happened to them. I never felt anger, just a deep sadness that is still there every time I think about her.

[scootrd]

My anger was directed at the terrible disease itself.


I'm saddened he will not be able to fully celebrate his granddaughters wedding in July, and his upcoming 40th wedding anniversary. We had planned on camping together last week of September right after his anniversary. 

I spoke with his wife Donna again this morning to get a few more phone numbers,
she informed me John has been diagnosed  stage 5 / 6. Not sure what that means , I will have to look it up.

[spikehorn]

My Father passed away in october. He was 90. The dementia hit him hard and fast. he went down hill quick. I am the youngest of six and last two times I saw him before his death he did not recognize me. It's not an easy thing to go through. Last August I spent a Sunday with my parents so my sister and her husband could go to a church function. I was at work a couple days later and broke down, had to call my wife. He wasn't the dad I knew anymore at that point. When he went to be with the Lord it was a reief. I know I will see my dad again some day. Keep that in mind about your friend.
Thank you to you and all you served with.
Also keep in mind you are not alone as the population ages more and more go through this.

[yellowtail3]

Sorry to hear of it, Scootrd. As the years roll on more and more we're finding that the line 'life is hard' is true.

[srussell]

I'm truly sorry. my dad is in that shape not really living at all

[Conan The Librarian]

News like that about close friends has always had the worst effect on me. Best wishes to your buddy. I hope his quality of life stays good for a long time. Hang in there, and do good things for him.

[huntswithdogs]

Scootrd,
My motherinlaw has been diagnosed with it also. She lives with my wife and myself. For the most part, she has no idea what she can't remember. Sometimes she'll realize that she's asked for the tenth time what day it is and gets quiet for awhile. Depending on the severity of it, some have to be given anti depressants because the forgetfulness starts to ride on them. I've heard my MIL ask my wife who she is and what relation she is to her. One time recently, she asked if my wife was HER mother. For whatever reason, she almost always knows who I am. Kinda weird...she doesn't know her own kids or grandchildren.
What was stated earlier about old things remembered is true. My MIL can remember some of the strangest stuff, up until about 15yrs ago. After that it gets a little dicey. One of the things see says, alot, is that her rememberer don't work too well but her forgetter is working overtime.

If you get the chance, go on with your get-together. You'll be glad later.
HWD

[spikehorn]

I'm a nurse and did home care for a number of years, I had alot of elderly clients with varying degrees of dementia. So I knew what was down the road for my dad. Some thing that may help your friend is to put pictures around that were taken 10 - 20 years ago

[Sourdough]

My brother and his wife have taken his Mother-In-Law in to live with them.  She has dementia, and is steadily getting worse.  last time I talked to him he was really ticked.  Seems Mary (His M-In-L) now feels she is the mother of a couple of preteens, and wants to know about his every move.  She gt mad if he does not call her when he gets to work, and when he leaves work heading home.  She wants him to get her permission to go to the store, or anywhere else he decides to go.  And if he is not back in the approperate time frame she goes off on him.  It's rapidly reaching a point where either mary goes to a nursing home or he is moving out.