Teach the children well ...

[teamnelson]

I have the privilege of serving with America's best young people, our military. I'm also the father of 2 young adults, one in service and the other on his way. I pray that I have prepared them to be successful in the future they will inherit from us.

Given what you believe about the future of our country, what specific lessons are you trying to instill in your young men and women before they leave the house?

Let's start a thread with some of those lessons. I'll start:

- Education is a privilege, not a right.
- Debt is slavery, the borrower is slave to the lender. Save in order to buy, take no loans even for education.
- Pay cash for everything; aspire to have no credit rating, it'll shock and confuse people.
- Work is a gift; be thankful especially when so many don't have work to do.
- Live well below your means. Failure to do so is what got us where we are.
- Always stick to your beliefs and principles, especially when you're alone. There is only one consequence that matters.
- Give your heart, and subsequently your body, to only one. So many of our nations problems can be resolved in this.

[Dixie Dude]

I'll second that.  I only have a mortgage left, and am trying to pay that off before I retire.  I do have a pension and a 401k coming when I retire. 

[BUGEYE]

TN, I can't add a single thing to your list.  If only all parents would do as you do.

[briarpatch]

I would add one more as given me by a financial advisor. When you set your kid in the high chair to give it its first meal and every meal there after, include the words


when you turn 18 you are on your own and out of my house you will receive not one dime for anything from that time forth. 

[BUGEYE]

I would add one more as given me by a financial advisor. When you set your kid in the high chair to give it its first meal and every meal there after, include the words


when you turn 18 you are on your own and out of my house you will receive not one dime for anything from that time forth.

I have to kinda disagree.  my daughter is out on her own and when she gets into a tight spot, old dad helps her out.  we didn't adopt her to throw her away at 18.

[teamnelson]

Sorta like Lex Luther, "when I was 6 my father said to me ... GET OUT! ... no, before that he said, buy land son. Its the only thing that lasts."

a couple more for the list:
- I'm not saving for your college; I'm saving for your wedding, and not for the service itself. Save so you can help them start out debt free. If you took what many families will blow on ice sculptures, DJ etc. and applied it to a washer/dryer, furniture, linens, maybe a quality used car, that would take a large load off of the young couple, and directly impact the leading reason couples fight.
- It's okay to marry early if you've found the one you're going to stick to no matter what, cause I am going to hold you to your vow.
- Don't call me asking to come home when you fight, unless there is physical abuse involved ... and if we're honest with ourselves, it is entirely possible to discern the likelihood of abuse PRIOR to the marriage if both families are talking.
- Don't get married unless you're willing to start a family ... planning seldom works.
- Don't get married unless you're willing to live on one income, his, and budget accordingly. Not saying she can't work, just saying if your life is dependent on 2 incomes from jump, its hard to get out of that trap. And this way you can have a family without worrying about $.

[yellowtail3]

CSNY?   

- Don't get married unless you're willing to live on one income, his, and budget accordingly. Not saying she can't work, just saying if your life is dependent on 2 incomes from jump, its hard to get out of that trap. And this way you can have a family without worrying about $.

All good advice, and here's another one: young men, be very careful marrying. Do it with your eyes open to some sobering and hard realities, such as: if you buy into the idea that you should Be The Man, and support your wife - maybe even the whole stay-at-home, Christian-homeschooler ideal? - beware that by so so, you are setting yourself up: should she decided to bail out of the marriage, she can then do so with the expectation of YOU PAYING HER, because you tried to Do The Right Thing. She'll have a better-than-even shot at taking most everything you have, for years to come. If she accuses you of domestic violence - really broad term these days - be advised it is the (now commonly-used) tactical nuke which will cost you just about everything, and by using it she'll have the state as her de facto advocate.

let's go on a bit. Beware that the unanswered lie will become the truth. You may find your church to be useless instead of home; you may find the women there can be enablers, just like in The World. All that talk about loyalty, and The Body as opposed to The World, and the bit about in good times and bad, and not going to court against a fellow believer will carry zero weight in the real world of $300/hr divorce lawyers who are skilled at encouraging angry women to nurture a strong sense of entitlement.

SO - be very, very careful, young men. The idea of marriage can be grand, but it's the only contract I can think of where one side gets paid to break it... and it won't be you.

[powderman]

TEAMNELSON. Great advice. I might add, take them to Church, teach them about Jesus, and NEVER be ashamed of your Christian faith. When people marry a big thing that most don't understand is that every decision they make singly, affects them both,  make all decisions wisely with the knowledge that you are deciding for 2.   POWDERMAN. 

[teamnelson]

yt3, if that's a personal story you're sharing, sorry to hear it bro.


TM7, amen. We should equip our young adults not merely to survive, but to be prepared to lead through the gap.


PMAN, amen!


Another one my son recently discussed (he's following government policy):
- There is such a thing as absolute truth, it is not all relative and does not all depend on circumstances or point of view.

[briarpatch]

I would add one more as given me by a financial advisor. When you set your kid in the high chair to give it its first meal and every meal there after, include the words


when you turn 18 you are on your own and out of my house you will receive not one dime for anything from that time forth.

I have to kinda disagree.  my daughter is out on her own and when she gets into a tight spot, old dad helps her out.  we didn't adopt her to throw her away at 18.

Bugeye this was given following the stat that many retired couples are now raising sons and daughters that are grown and at home as well as their grand children.
We both know we will help ours as best we can but they also have to know it comes with conditions and want be easy, or they will break us.
If you teach a kid early, he is expected to help himself as far as he can before you get involved, all is well.
I have a brother in law that I just did not get along with, because me being younger I thought he was over board on a lot things.
One of those was how he taught his kids about many things including money.
He has three kids that are self reliant and if I may use the term, two are millionaires.
One is a preacher that is sought after by some very large Churches with a salary that would astond you. But he has done well and likes his medium size congregation and he is honest as the day is long.
This young preacher moved his family to Montana for his first small Church and worked hard to establish it. They rented where they could but houses were few and far between. After struggling for about 3 years he was able to get a good deal on a house close to his Church and he ask his Dad, my brother in law for the money to help with the house. His Dad sent him a letter and simple said "show me the numbers". The young preacher set and down and laid out his finances and how he could repay him. My brother in law reviewed the numbers and sent a letter stating, " the numbers are not there".
He had to continue as he had before and he had 5 kids to deal with. He will tell you today that what his dad did was put a rod of iron in his spine and made him succeed. Like his other two children.
So what I am saying is let them know early they are own their own. That brother in law is my hero now. 

[teamnelson]

BP, I appreciate that story. Here's how the lesson was taught me, and how I passed it along.


- You can have all the education you can buy for yourself.
- You can have all the toys, cars, guns, etc. you can buy for yourself, after giving and saving.
- You can take any job they'll give you, work any hours you want, as long as you're not failing in school.
- Working men don't have curfews - if you're dumb enough to stay out all night before work, your boss will let you know what he thinks.
- When you have finished high school, you can live anywhere you can afford. If you can't afford to live anywhere, you can live at home rent free, but under my rules.


I offered to give my son my 9 months of VA education benefits when he graduates this year, he's 16. Figure he can stay home for a year, save the difference while working and going to community college full time. He got a scholarship, and would have several more if he applied, and did better on his exams that his sister who got into the Coast Guard academy back when it was merit only. He said no thanks, he'd rather enlist at 17 and pay his own way. I know that if he ever showed up on my door needing help, he will have expended all remaining and fixed bayonets before doing so.

[Sourdough]

It's funny, the topic of the man working and the woman staying home came up last night between the wife and out 23 year old son.  She told him the same thing, that if he worked and supported her while she stayed home.  Then to be prepared to support her if the marriage broke up.

While my son has been going to school and placing all his energies towards that, he has seen many of his high school friends get married.  Some of them have not worked out, and he is looking at what he feels is a very unequal division of assets by the court.

He says he is never going to get married, without a water tight prenup.  He had his mother going in circles last night.  She would tell him the legal view, (she is a paralegal) him coming up with counter views.  I went to bed and left them arguing.

Sky has always had the idea that when he leavews he is on his own.  He thinks kids that come back and spounge off the parents are the worst kind of people.   

[teamnelson]

Nothing says she HAS to not work. Just that they shouldn't NEED 2 incomes incase she wants to stay home. If I had a nickel for every young couple that comes in my office arguing over money, always with a small child in the picture. They weren't making ends meet on 2 incomes, and now the costs of having a child are putting them at each others throat. Better to live on 1 income, and bank the other, that way if one of you loses your job, or a child is on the way, your monthly bills aren't thrown in a tail spin, and you can afford the hidden costs. Yeah, I know it means holding off on the big toys ... oh well.


I'll admit I have a hard time preparing my kids for divorce ... don't believe in it so I couldn't pass that on. My folks and step folks were all married at least 3 times, some more. None of them advised me to go in planning to fail and we had our 20th anniversary last month. Folks focus on the 50% divorce rate ... that means the other 50% are staying together. No reason why the next generation can't shoot for that goal. There's a difference between being realistic and being cynical.