"Keep posting your feelings here---it is a great outlet for frustraions"
OK guys, here goes...thanks for the friendship and help...it's needed now
Thank you to all my friends here. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I want you to all know your words and support are very, very helpful.
The pain and difficulty of being alone without my Marti, now and for the rest of life, are tremendous and not even close to imaginable. It is not someting you can comprehend until you have experienced the loss of your beloved spouse and best friend.
I truly wish no one else here ever has to go this but unfortunately that is impossible. The scope and finality of the loss is unfathomable.
Take some time to be with your wife, a lot of time. I suggest you make a videotape of them as well, preferably with them speaking, perhaps speaking to you. A video of them speaking with be of unbelievable comfort to you.
I don't really have one but do have some snippets on a cell phone video where I can hear her a bit and will try to come up with something better.
If I am not making much sense now please forgive me. I have seen a lot in my life and a lot of death, but I am suffering more than I ever have, with no end in sight.
I am fortunate that my son is only one town away and my daughter and son-in-law came up from Rhode Island early yesterday to be at the hospital. They told me they will be staying a few days so I won't be alone for Christmas. They are great kids but in truth I will still feel alone for Christmas, no matter how many people are around me. My Marti won't be here, she was my whole life.
I don't want to sound dramatic or sorry for myself, I am responding to help get some of my feelings out. I am hoping you are friends enough to let me rant and ramble on. There is not much else I can do and not much I have control over. My wife was taken and I could not stop it.
Some friends, my children, the pastor and a representative from the Funeral Home came by today and I worked on making arrangements, I'm wrung out pretty good right now but all in all it has been a day I made it through, the first without Marti. The second day without her really counting yesterday when she passed away at the hospital. I hate being without Marti!!!
Myself and my son were with her at the end, or the beginning, depending at how you (I) look at it. She began in heaven with Jesus at the same time she left this world.
Thanks guys, I've pretty much had it for now. Trying to concentrate has not been easy or even possible. Sorry to drag on...please forgive me, and Merry CHRISTmas to all.
Andy....<><....
