My condolences Ms. Anna, and my prayers. I was in the same shape when my Dad passed away, I was with him his last night on earth. He was 82, I had just turned 47, had been in minister over 13 yrs by then. As an only son, it all fell to me to take care of everything, and as a Minister I was expected to "know how to handle it". I too had a bad patch, and I was surprised at my own reaction. I tried to "suck it up", as males seem to do. I had no one to talk to, and in hind sight, I wish I had hired a Counselor. Its tough, but it can be processed. Thing about my Dad, he had always "been there" in my life; then he wasn't. Its a tough loss, but you are not alone, even we strangers are holding you up in our prayers. God Bless, and don't be afraid to go to a Counselor Sis. Rev Jim