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Author Topic: Rules for the MALE!!  (Read 774 times)

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Offline briarpatch

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Rules for the MALE!!
« on: March 12, 2013, 05:23:50 AM »
 ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE           
 NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE                     
 
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
 
... PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!
 
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
 
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
 
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
 
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
 
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
 
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
 
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
 
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
 
1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.
 
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
 
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
 
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
 
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...
 
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
 
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
 
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..
 
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.
 
1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
 
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
 
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
 
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
 
1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
 
 
 
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Offline Oldshooter

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2013, 05:58:50 AM »
Number 1 is the most important !  8)


Although I see some merit to number 1 as well   :o
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Offline BBF

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2013, 08:00:18 AM »
It is the simplicity of these rules that puzzle the female mind.
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Offline Cheesehead

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2013, 08:33:17 AM »
I am going to print this and put it on the dining room table...

Maybe...

Cheese
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Offline BBF

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2013, 08:43:02 AM »
Quote from: Cheesehead on March 12, 2013, 08:33:17 AM
I am going to print this and put it on the dining room table...

Maybe...

Cheese

I double dare you! ;D ;D
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Offline KIMBER45

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2013, 10:41:41 AM »
Quote from: BBF on March 12, 2013, 08:43:02 AM
Quote from: Cheesehead on March 12, 2013, 08:33:17 AM
I am going to print this and put it on the dining room table...

Maybe...

Cheese

I double dare you! ;D ;D
If we don't hear from him for a few weeks, we'll know he did it. ;D
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Offline oldandslow

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2013, 12:16:56 PM »
Quote from: Cheesehead on March 12, 2013, 08:33:17 AM
I am going to print this and put it on the dining room table...

Maybe...

Cheese

I am NOT going to print this out and put it on the dining room table---or anywhere else that it can be seen.

I'm not real bright but I'm not stupid either.  ;D
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Offline Ranger99

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2013, 02:30:13 PM »
hope he has a comfy couch
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18 MINUTES.  . . . . . .

Offline Oldshooter

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2013, 02:32:51 PM »
Quote from: Ranger99 on March 12, 2013, 02:30:13 PM
hope he has a comfy couch


Of course see rule #1 its like camping.  ;D
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“Owning a handgun doesn’t make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.”

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."

Offline briarpatch

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2013, 05:19:02 PM »
Rule #1.1 DONT PISS HER OFF WITH RULE # 1
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Offline Victor3

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2013, 11:34:58 PM »
1. ∞ IS A PERFECTLY VALID NUMBER WHEN I RESPOND TO YOUR QUESTION ABOUT HOW MANY GUNS I NEED.
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Offline 52bagman

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2013, 06:18:14 AM »
HE HE, the wife is gonna love this. And it needs a T-Shirt.
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Offline jhm

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2013, 07:00:15 AM »
     I am going to be a MAN about it!!   I am not going to say anything to her abt. it!!  Jim
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Offline Sourdough

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2013, 07:06:42 AM »
I copied this and sent it to all the wives in our little dinner group.  I also told the husbands to hide all the steak knives.
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Offline Old Fart

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2013, 07:45:02 AM »
I have a very similar set of rules posted in my man cave, haven't tried it in her house yet...  ::)
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Offline Sourdough

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #15 on: March 13, 2013, 07:23:34 PM »
Well I got responses from the women of the group.  They said my "Good Guy" status just hit the basement.

My heart bleeds.
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Where is old Joe when we really need him?  Alaska Independence    Calling Illegal Immigrants "Undocumented Aliens" is like calling Drug Dealers "Unlicensed Pharmacists"
What Is A Veteran?
A 'Veteran' -- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve -- is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America,' for an amount of 'up to, and including his life.' That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today who no longer understand that fact.

Offline blind ear

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #16 on: March 13, 2013, 07:33:01 PM »
I don't get this thread. When do these issues come up? ear
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Offline Victor3

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #17 on: March 13, 2013, 10:22:40 PM »
Quote from: blind ear on March 13, 2013, 07:33:01 PM
I don't get this thread. When do these issues come up? ear


 Lemme see... For me it started somewhere around junior high school and hasn't let up to this day.
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Offline jhm

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #18 on: March 14, 2013, 02:34:41 AM »
     Victor 3   It started the day I met my Bride we were 12yrs old when we met in school, AND I dont think I have taught her anything since, BUT I will tell her so when I feel like SHE is in the mood to LISTEN.  Jim
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Offline Oldshooter

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #19 on: March 14, 2013, 03:31:14 AM »
Quote from: jhm on March 14, 2013, 02:34:41 AM
     Victor 3   It started the day I met my Bride we were 12yrs old when we met in school, AND I dont think I have taught her anything since, BUT I will tell her so when I feel like SHE is in the mood to LISTEN.  Jim


I like that, ..........so you rarely mention it huh? 
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“Owning a handgun doesn’t make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.”

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."

Offline 351 power

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Re: Rules for the MALE!!
« Reply #20 on: March 14, 2013, 03:48:05 AM »
i am about to head out on a road trip with my wife. thanks for the refresher
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