"Ladies and gentlemen of the Senate: After recent events in Boston it has become imperative that we as a nation do something about pressure cookers! These hideous and deadly devices have no place in a free society! They have known to main innocent housewives and can be used as a deadly destructive device by those who hate our freedom!
Frankly, no one NEEDS to own a deadly pressure cooker anyway! These modern devices have no real reason to exist, we have had water bath canners available for many years and there is nothing that cannot be done with them that a pressure cooker can do! We particularly need to get control of the high capacity pressure cookers that can hold so much explosive that they could take down a building full of people! These easily concealable devices must be removed from the hands of those who would use them against us.
That is why I, Senator Hogbien Johnson, am proposing legislation to institute background checks on people trying to buy pressure cookers and a system of registration! There is no reason this cannot be used to create a national data base of pressure cooker owners, with the ultimate goal of a complete ban and confiscation of all pressure cookers.
We need do this it so our children will be safe!"
Thank you for your consideration,
Senator Hogbien Johnson"