It's quite alright. I do not mind hearing his analysis at all. It does appear that this event with my daughter has caused Nanook to relive some very painful memories from his own childhood though -- which makes me sad to hear. Sorry about that Nanook, and it makes me wonder if posting on this subject was a good idea after all as I never considered the effect it might have on others. I simply wanted my daughter to have plenty of "prayer cover" while she was out there.
Anyway, it's obvious that things were very tough for you, but try to remember one thing okay? Not every kid who runs away, actually means or needs to do so like you did. Nor is every household with a runaway child functioning according to the same dynamics, and with the same personalities, as the home you decided to run away from. My kids have always been loved by both their parents, and we've always been fair to them. They both have the same rules, and both are rewarded and punished the same depending on how they respect and follow those rules.
I do agree that in this case my daughter was trying to be manipulative, but it really didn't work out the way she had hoped though. All she did was cause herself to suffer needlessly and create a lot of grief and stress for those who love and care about her. I think the whole event has been an eye opener for her and I'm hoping she got the entire message. What's that old saying, "Every dark cloud has a silver lining." In your case, you had a home that needed to be escaped from, and you left for a lifetime. In this case, we had a girl who took a day to exert her will and then returned, realizing she was wrong, but being too proud to admit it right away. There is a huge difference between those two scenarios my good friend.
As kids get older, they change. They test you more, and they try to gain an ever increasing amount of freedom and independence. They react to social and peer pressures, and to a greater or lesser degree, they will seek to gain more acceptance and approval from their friends, parents, teachers, and other role models. I think boys might be a little easier to work with along those lines. In any case, I believe any parent who cared would continually strive to find better techniques to communicate with their child as they grow older and begin to exert more and more free will and independence. It was in this vein that I made the post you are asking me to re-read carefully and I'll stand by it. My two daughters are as different as night and day. It can be difficult at times to shift gears depending on which one I'm dealing with at the moment. I'm recognizing that it may be time to consider some new approaches that will improve communication with the kids, such as more family meetings, etc.
I will be the first to admit that I've made my share of mistakes as a parent over the last 15 years, but so have my parents, and their parents, and so on, so I'm certainly not going to fret about it. We do the best we can, and we pray it works. I've got great kids, and they've got a Dad who loves them. Raising children can be challenging at times for anyone, and by the looks of things, I think I'm doing a pretty good job with my kids.
Just to let you know, I also ran away once as a kid. It had absolutely nothing to do with my parents however, and I sure won't blame them for it either. I just decided that "I" was going to do something "I" wanted to do, and I was tired of hearing the word "No" about it. I left early in the evening, walked 11 miles in the snow, each way, and when I ran out of matches to keep my hands warm, I finally figured out just how stupid I was and snuck back inside the house where it was nice and warm, and my petty desires seemed like nothing compared to getting frostbite! Now if running away is genetic behavior, then perhaps this WAS all my fault? (laughing)
Anyway, I'm bailing out of this thread. I don't want to open anyone else's old wounds or spend hours on here trying to explain my parenting style to the entire world at large.
THANK ONCE MORE for everyone's prayers - they worked! I've never seen a more caring group of people anywhere else on the Internet. You folks are the cream of the crop!
